Sad poems And Qoutes

Hi guys, This is me. My name is Jemma and I’m 18. So I don’t usually do these kind of things, but I guess I just need to get some stuff off my chest. I’m not asking for money, I don’t want to trouble people by asking for their money, plus UK healthcare is free. A few years ago, I remember being in high school and “zoning out” because I was tired. I was 14 at the time and I remember my friend saying to me, “Jemma what the fuck is happening to your eye it’s weird?” And I had no idea what was going on because you can’t feel your eyes doing weird stuff. Turns out that my right eye would turn outwards whenever I’d “zone out” which I discovered after taking a picture of myself due to wanting to know what people were talking about. It was weird at first but I assumed it was one of those “party tricks” like my double-jointed fingers so I didn’t think much of it. A couple of years later I go to my opticians for a routine check-up and i get told that my eyes can’t function normally, that when objects came close to my face my eyes would shake and eventually turn outwards, which had recently caused me to have some minor double vision, which I put down to tiredness since I don’t sleep very much. They gave me some pretty weak glasses, with a 0.5 prism in each eye. A seemingly minor prescription. I was told to return in 6 months for another check-up and when I returned my eyesight had deteriorated, now needing 3.5 prisms in one eye and 4 in another. Again, nothing major. They referred me to my eye clinic in the hospital because after a certain prescription, they have to be made aware. Anyway, I get an appointment within a few weeks, not too bad for the NHS. I arrive and they give me a sticker for my glasses with 10 prisms in, a bit of a jump from 3.5-4. I get another appointment around November where they realise my glasses are no longer strong enough, so they decide to try a different type of lense. After that I’m told I’ll get an appointment within 4-6 weeks, but I never did. I rang and rang because my glasses no longer worked and I got nowhere. Early January, I noticed that my glasses were crooked so I go to my opticians to fix them and they accidentally snap them. With a prescription that wasn’t working, they decided to leave me without glasses and to ring the hospital for me, and I get an appointment for the end of January. I’m essentially blind for this time, the double vision is so bad that I can’t see things without my glasses on, and I have exams during this time. I end up failing my exams because I couldn’t see the paper, and magnifying glasses don’t work because it’s not the size that’s an issue. I eventually get new glasses, but the prescription I need is so strong I can’t get it in a permanent lens, so I have to wait another few weeks for another sticker, which is then 35 prisms and hurts my head to wear them. In a year I’ve gone from 0.5 prisms to 35, a rapid deterioration. I get an appointment with an eye consultant, who can tell me what my eye condition is and why it has got so bad recently (the turn is now in both eyes and I get a lot of comments about it in college and at work). I had my appointment yesterday and the doctor said that all the tests they did for my vision was abnormal yet the appearance of my eyes seemed normal so they were confused, along with the fact that I’m so young in comparison to the other people they see. They perform test after test and consult with other doctors and each one was confused as to what is going on and has effectively dismissed me, telling me to just keep with my glasses, despite there only being 3 more lenses stronger than the one I currently have. They said that I’m visually impaired but they can’t figure out what type of visual impairment I have. As an 18 year old, autistic person, it’s a lot of information to take in at once and my mind shut down completely after that due to stress. The long-winded story is that my eyesight is rapidly declining and doctors have no idea what is going on and there’s a possibility I will end up blind in one or both eyes very soon. Again, I’m not asking for money, this is more for me. I need to get it all off my chest, today has been super hard trying to balance college and the fact that I’m losing my eyesight one day at a time and I spent the day in my tutor’s office crying because nobody knows what is happening to me. Anyway, rant over. Self pity text post over. This was just to help clear my head a bit

embrace 

Do for him what I cannot do anymore. He will repay you in ways that will fill your heart to the brim. He is special. Accept this love and do not let it go.