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@densitywave
No one can see how badly I want it :)

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HALF MAN Season One, Episode Three
jamie and richard on niall and ruben: it was sexual.
me who knew that from minute one:

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Well of course there’s shame. There’s always shame.
of course there’s also love…
Which comes with a lot more shame. Yea.
it’s not rpf it’s speculative history
Jamie Bell and Richard Gadd on Niall Kennedy and Ruben Pallister relationship
yeah no sorry yes it’s insane niall tells ruben that loving him is the only thing he’s ever felt, but personally i’m still stuck on the fact before all of that, he says loving ruben is the only thing.
it’s more all consuming than a simple emotion; his love for ruben is everything, so foundational, so integral to who niall is that it’s the only thing. the only thing he’s ever felt, sure, but also just the only thing. it’s so much that everything else gets swallowed by it—is understood and filtered through it.
because who is niall without ruben, without his love for him? beyond niall’s books and desperate attempts at making something of himself, what is there that actually holds him together? what is the only proof he has that he’s ever existed, the only meaningful thing in his life? it all circles back to ruben—and love is just the most tangible bit of that, the only part he can actually name or hold onto

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mitchell robertson, jamie bell, richard gadd, and stuart campbell via richard’s instagram story
looking at this now is like. straight emotional terrorism. THEY HAD SUCH A CHANCE
nighttime sketchbook scribbles
What do you need?
It's like... dangerous. It is the best, and the worst thing all at once. It's like the only thing. It's the only thing I've ever felt. ⇒ Half Man 1.06

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Andrea Gibson, The Madness Vase
(re: them being honest as teens and getting together) imagine people still trying to beat up on Niall and then finding out their fucking and boyfriend!Ruben is even more terrifying than "brother"!Ruben (also I think he somehow would have been even more possessive??)
i know ruben would have gotten multiple life sentences for murder before he was 20 if anyone had even breathed funny near niall