DemonicDem

Gambling is bad but when I open 3 magic packs before my graduation and pull a £60 card, it's acceptable actually

human and bug relations will change by the end of the century

My first acts as God-Emperor will be to regulate LED headlights and ban red turn signals

I love the word "beeline." youre in such a hurry youre doing bug movement

every mercenary company has got that guy who insists he should fight with two daggers... bro get back in formation and pick up your pike

hey man I'm the torturer [shaking your hand and detecting apprehension] that just means it's my job to torture people [visibly uncomfortable] there are lots of people like me

Who would win in a race? A tortoise, or a second even slower, even steadier tortoise?

small town diner waitress voice: Omelas? Oh, oh no, easy mistake, you're in oh - MAY - las right now, with an A. Plenty' people get the name mixed up. Nope, no utopia here, just our small little town. *face gets really grim* We do still.. Okay well we do still have a kid that we... I mean it isn't working but- well- You know. It- It's fine. I'm sure it'll start working soon.

friend who went to bed is a type of dead wife

She took the pages.

if i was in an alien movie i'd be luring the xenomorph into a hot wok and adding chili, garlic, ginger, shaoxin wine, scallions, white pepper and sesame oil