did you just call me crazy?

i am so fucking angry i want to cry

i know you ignore me and postpone me and could not care less what happens to me and every fucking time i sit there making jokes

because i should NOT be so affected by this

i shouldnt care

youre all so perfect and wonderful and caring and you hate me and youre selfish and i dont interest you

and

who fucking cares about someone as defective as me?

oh

im not happy all the fucking time

oh

i tell you about my depression. hint at my suicidal fucking urges

GIVE HUGE FUCKING WARNINGS THAT I AM ABOUT TO BREAK

but you couldnt care less

none of you could care less

you put in the time when it benefits you

to make yourself feel better

but when are you ever actually here?

when?

you dont know shit about me or my life and you dont want to know

The voices tell me to send you to the devil

Stab them in the eyeball go on just do it

My mind has fallen down a deep dark pit

~

I cannot refuse these persistent thoughts

You have no idea how hard I fought

But in the end its just one swift movement

It’s all too much I don’t realize as I do it I finally did and my mind is on the brink

But the carpet is ruined is all I can think

~

This crimson colour begins to saturate

Yet my spiraling mind can only fixate

You yell and you scream but I don’t hear it

All I do is whisper ‘oh shit’

This carpet was expensive

I shouldn’t have got so aggressive

But

I cannot refuse these persistent thoughts

You have no idea how hard I fought

But in the end its just one swift movement

It’s all too much I don’t realize as I do it

I finally did and my mind is on the brink

But the carpet is ruined is all I can think

~

How will I get all this red out?

You’re no help you just continue to shout

Oh finally you begin to quieten down

Your body has finally shut down

I take a deep breath I know what to do

You know I was prepared for this too

~

I could not refuse these persistent thoughts

You have no idea how hard I fought

But in the end its was just one movement

I didn’t even realize that I did it it

For a while now my mind’s been on the brink

without speaking he makes his presence known

Death waits

and waits

and waits

you know one day ill let you in

so you just wait outside while i hide and cry

youve always been there

waiting

i used to panic but now i find comfort

in your constant presence

one day we will meet