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@deivll
𝐢 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐭.

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Lucifer 3.01, ‘They’re Back, Aren’t They?’
@deivll
Did you even once think of how this affected her? Of course I did. Thought about how she might ruin everything by disemboweling my mum or castrating my brother. I meant her feelings. What? She thought you abandoned her. That you didn’t care how that affected her.
killing eve sentence starters season 2, episode 1 - 3.
i think i might have killed her.
do you have anything in your pockets?
i know how you’re feeling. exactly how you’re feeling.
oh, you think i’m a junkie?
you want to explain to them how you ran me over on purpose?!
do you know how to dispose of a body?
if he knows i am here, he will kill me.
women don’t stab.
she stabbed me to show me how much she cared about me.
do you want to play a game?
can we talk about what happened when you pissed off?
i wanted to make you dinner to apologise for being a dick.
you’ve been in the bath for more than an hour.
you’re really good at stealing. you should do it more.
do you have any money?
don’t apologise. it’s a waste of my time and yours.
you snore, you know.
you can look under my bandages if you want to, but you have to tell me how bad it is.
you look like a pizza.
woah, wait - did you lose an eye?
!i’m a monster!
forgive the smell, he has been the tiniest bit exhumed.
the smell of the bodies makes you crave meat.
you think he was murdered.
what if she stabs you again?
i know her better than anyone. better than she knows herself.
never trust people on their looks. you can see scary people a mile away. it’s the good people you have to worry about.
do i look scary?
come on, it will be cool. you can… get an eyepatch.
don’t be a drama queen.
i want to be normal.
normal is boring.
i wish i’d died in the car like everyone else.
would you like to spend your whole life like this?
lord knows, she loves a costume.
if she’s alive, you need to find her. before she finds you. and she will.
i’ve been thinking all day, and i realised, there’s no way out of this job.
you need this. you can’t leave.
my medication has been stolen!
no matter how rich or famous you are, you always end up with your dick out on a slab.
i nearly threw up. they had to get me a burger.
so you’re not completely heartless.
i want you to know that i hear you - and that i still respect you.
if you see something strange, you know… be careful.
sorry, i don’t have any change.
i need someone to help get me out of here without him seeing.
you’re such a gentleman.
but wouldn’t i be an inconvenience to you?
do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.
how do you always look so good? i mean, do you even sleep?
it costs a fortune and smells like arse but it is exceedingly effective.
i don’t mind smelling like arse.
she’s worried about getting murdered.
apologies for him in advance.
do you have any cake?
you’re withholding information on an investigation that you’re working on.
she’s flamboyant. and attention-seeking. and instinctive. spoilt. easily bored. but she’s not sloppy.
i need antibiotics.
what you need is rest. you’ll be right as rain tomorrow.
i thought she was a ghost. i hate ghosts.
she wants people to know when she’s killed someone.
i wouldn’t trust her with a dead rat.
not what you were expecting?
we’ve come here with rather difficult news.
stop it. i can feel your excitement.
maybe it’s someone so good, she’s been operating undetected for a while.
so what kind of women does no one ever pay attention to?
i’m looking for a kitchen knife. to stab you with.
will you just stop badgering me for five minutes!
we haven’t got anyone here who can help you.
she’s careful and anonymous. and meticulous and discreet.
we don’t need her anymore.
don’t lie to me.
you thought i’d be an easy target, didn’t you?
i see what you’re doing. don’t think i haven’t noticed.
what must you think of me?
i think you’re going to bleed to death.
that wasn’t very clever, was it?
you know what, i’ve had a really shitty couple of days.
do you think you can just do whatever you want?
you’re happy not seeing her again?
she’s a parasite. she gets into your brain, she eats you up, to make space for herself. like that book with the hungry worm and all that food.
why should i lie about this?
you think she loves you? then make her hate you. hate is something she understands, it’s manageable.
look what happens to the people she loves.
she’ll love you to death.
if you wanted to show your devotion, you could just do the easiest thing.
i’ll just masturbate onto this omelette then, i guess.
guess how many semen stains are on this bed.
you don’t need any help in the failure department from me.
now that you’re sloppy seconds, it’s only a matter of time anyway.
oh, didn’t you know? there’s a new girl in town.
are you trying to make me jealous?
i wonder why you asked me to be boring and discreet.
you don’t mind her getting the credit for your work, do you?
is this supposed to look like an accident?
i think they’re genuinely used to being above the government.
we need a little help here.
you better put on something really slutty to make up for the fact that you forgot this three years in a row.
it’s gonna be so slutty, i promise.
we didn’t think that you’d make it.
no one believes those stupid complaints.
the last thing she needs is to accidentally sleep with him again!
tell me where my family are.
maybe he just needs a little push.
you can do nothing and die alone.
i would ask you why the one time you came to support me and my job, you were able to miraculously somehow make it all about you and your job.
you don’t want to be here, and actually, i don’t want you here. just go home.
you realise we only have a small window for this, right?
she might be gone by tomorrow. she might be gone already.
you’re afraid of upsetting your mom?
you work for me.
i haven’t spent any money!
can i fix you another drink?
this is a terrible hug.
maybe you shouldn’t have shot me.
you’re not still mad about that?
i aimed to make sure i didn’t kill you.
nice and clean, just like you taught me.
they don’t pay him any money. they let him be the person who terminates the contracts. like race horses. when they can’t race anymore, they get shot. and he is the guy with the gun.
there’s not enough money in freelance!
imagine dying on that carpet.
will you make sure ‘pointless’ is recorded?
i don’t normally get angry. it makes me feel sleepy. so you’ll just have to imagine i sound angry when i say this: never go behind my back again.
you are by no means the only person i work with but take up a disproportionate amount of my time, and my time is very valuable to me.
i thought you were different.
we need to be careful.

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you're the devil, lucifer is you! now seriously, i love any blog you hop on to but seeing you write lucifer makes my day every time. you capture his humour and his mannerisms so well that make me wonder if you have kidnapped tom ellis. love you nerd
listen i love your lucifer so much!! i'm so happy i found your blog jsdkl we stan
beep beep how’s my portrayal ?
trustregain.
you don’t work in jobs like this without brushing a little too close to insanity . something of the strange could often be unlocked with liquor and men had confessed they were much more than satan while blurry eyed at her counter . unshaken , julia slid a clean glass out onto the side , folding her arms behind it and waiting with patient wit . ❝ the devil , huh ? ❞ a wicked grin to rival the man himself . there was something amusing about the sentiment that she’d spend a lifetime tracking demons to have one waltz into her bar and announce himself without a care . ❝ sure you are . and what does the devil want to drink next ? ❞
“satan. the dark lord. beelzebub. take your pick. lucifer? morningstar? pleasure to meet you. what’d you expect? little red horns? a flaming pitchfork? i think i’d have to die and go to -- well. hell. before anyone believed me, and even that’s like trying to score weed from jesus.”
no matter how many times he has this conversation, the naysayers and nonbelievers always prick their little ears up at the mere mention of the theistic but never believe it until they wake up straddling an old school torture rack with a couple of demons either side. yoohoo. it’s real.
“do you have any bourbon?”
lapdecker.
i gave up an epic foursome to be here. ( @deivll )
“ well, pardon me for ruining your evening with banal things such as a murder case. ”
Words are spat back with far too much spite for her taste – she’s trying her best to feign nonchalance, because she knows his sole purpose in life is to get under her skin. Whatever reason she had to call Lucifer for backup in this case, she’s now immediately regretting it. Perhaps, she supposes, a part of her is still trying to give him a second chance – it’s not in Chloe’s nature to do so, however. In her mind, there are certain mistakes that cannot be undone, and some people that simply do not deserve to be judged twice. As far as she can tell, Lucifer Morningstar is one of them.
And yet, here she is, once more recruiting him for a job even though she doesn’t want him involved in any kind of LAPD business. However, she will ease her own conscience by saying this time, he could actually be of help. When it comes to the LA club scene, he’s sure to be the one who knows the most about it, about what goes on behind the curtains of glitz and glamour. He did prove himself to be useful in the first case he meddled himself into, back then, and much as it bothers her to admit it, he keeps on helping sometimes, in his own controversial way.
“ if I remember correctly, you’re the one who’s always trying to stick your nose into our businesses. be grateful that we actually considered calling you for this one. ” arms fold over her chest, a feral furrow of her brows as she keeps his gaze held with her own – she’s not taking any of his shit tonight, “ come on, we’ve got witnesses that might have seen something important. by the way, the victim’s a nightclub owner, rumored to be involved in cocaine dealings, ” she gestures for Lucifer to follow her through the crowd of police officers and forensics, “ maybe you know him? from one club owner to another, I mean. ”
he has mismatched buttons and one lip of his shirt is still hanging out from the hem of his pants which he’s now trying to correct with the right amount of squirming and ignoring the bombshell red lipstick from the underside of his collar. that’s strictly foreplay. and by epic foursome he means he’s peeled three britneys off his chest and left them with a to be continued because what the detective wants, the detective gets. and right now, she wants him. perhaps not in the way that he’d like her to, but he’ll take anything at this point and twist it into some good-hearted jape.
“ah, dear charlie. he always was on top of a mountain, if you know what i mean.” sniff sniff. he’s talking about drugs. specifically, coke. and charlie definitely isn’t his name. it was one of the worst kept secrets in all of downtown LA and dear charlie had a booming business with a queue to the toilets a mile long every night.
“first rule of drug dealing -- don’t get high off your own supply, detective.” again, another badly kept secret -- if you showed up at charlie’s side, chances are his pupils were blown and his teeth were grinding their way down to little stubs in his smarmy little face anyway. but the way the detective leads him to a seedy corpse she seems to be convinced he’d know something about is a little demeaning. maybe he’ll huff about it later into his coke.
“so what are we thinking? a good old smash and grab? rival coke lords butting heads into a nicely built mountain of powdered snow? pablo escobar and the revenge of the sith? come on, detective. you must have something.”

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lapdecker.
you’re quite adorable when you’re flustered. ( @deivll· )
She doesn’t reply immediately, instead, she’ll roll her eyes, try her best to ignore his remark by pretending she’s buckling the thin strap of her heels around her ankles – it fails, of course, because she can still feel the slight burning on her cheeks, the exasperation in her actions, hasty and rushed just so he will stop looking at her – most precisely, at her cleavage, courtesy of the horribly flashy and revealing dress she’s been thrust into. A dress he specifically picked for her, because of course this would be his time to flash wealth and past conquests into her face – what man keeps dresses in his apartment just like that? A creepy jackass, that’s who.
“ i’m not flustered, okay? – unlike the sparkly ditzes you frequent, I don’t cave in so easily to cheap compliments about my body. ”
She huffs, choosing instead to focus entirely on the situation at hand – it’s by far not the first time she goes undercover, but it is the second to third time she’s had to do it with Lucifer breathing down her neck. And that’s not something she appreciates at all, because she knows he’ll find a way to screw it up, one way or another. Which is the reason why she wants to get this over with soon, but to do so, she needs his influences and money in order to get inside the VIP section of the prestigious club, where the suspect is supposed to spend most of his Friday evenings.
Much as it pains her to admit it, once more, she needs his help.
“ I hope you remember what the plan is, ” she straightens up, takes a step forward on her massive heels and tugs the hem of the mini dress in a vain attempt to cover more of her thighs, “ we go in there, find the suspect, and we leave. no drinking, no socializing – no womanizing. are we clear? ”
“ooh, detective. i didn’t know you had it in you. or -- well. i suppose on you seems more appropriate.”
he’s talking, of course, entirely of the dress. freshly dry-cleaned with special thanks to maze and covering just enough to stop curiosity in its tracks -- delightful. he never understands why she insists on covering up; we’ve seen it all before, detective, and nothing you can say or do will stop the fact that you’re very deeply seated into every teenage boy’s thoroughly overused wank bank from the early nineties.
“for what it’s worth, you look stunning, detective.” it’s true -- trampiness aside, chloe covers up with big jackets and mom jeans to distract from the absolute femininity she could show if she wanted without hot tub high school following her around like a bad smell, for which, he understands -- it’s a hard job for a woman, let alone one who’s got her knockers out before. but still. she looks good with a bit of leg out.
“and don’t listen to what they say -- you don’t at all look like a world class hooker.”
all in all, he’s sure of the plan. no this, no that, no having a good time in a place where you’re supposed to have a good time -- although he’s sure the moment he walks in, there’ll be a whiskey in his hand and a forming line of girls who want a moment with the infamous lucifer morningstar. but he can always try. no promises are given because none can be made.
“you might as well put me on a leash --- but then we’d be going to a different kind of club. i’m sure maze has some latex around, if you’d like a quick detour.”
lucifer sentence starters episode 4 - 6.
you broke into my house?
you were taking forever in the shower.
are you sleeping with this idiot?
never been thrown out of anywhere before in my life.
something very disturbing’s just happened. it’s horrific, really. for the second time, i’ve been thrown out of a woman’s house.
i mean, i appeal to the virile urge in all wo/men.
you need to go undercover, because you’re our best way in.
why is she able to refuse my charms?
people don’t have power over us. we give it to them. you have to take your power back.
i need to take back control. i need to behave like i always have.
i mean, it seems obvious now, actually - i need to have sex with her.
are you gonna help me or not?
you’re quite adorable when you’re flustered.
i’m not flustered, i’m nauseous.
okay, look. let me make myself perfectly clear: i will never, ever, ever sleep with you.
playing hard to get? i like it.
wow. you’ve never been rejected by a woman, have you?
the odds are definitely in your favour out there - probably not batting for the same team, but you never know. go forth and conquer. i know you want to.
i promise, if anyone here hurt your sibling, i’ll find them. and i’ll punish them.
if you weren’t so pent-up sexually, we’d be firing on all cylinders, i’d say.
i certainly don’t need any help getting wo/men into bed.
do you honestly think you can just ask people to have sex with you and they will?
you forget. i love pain.
men - they always want to talk!
we can get him/her back to where s/he belongs, if you could just provide me with a weak spot.
seriously, darling. are you well? the berries are ripe and ready to be harvested - i mean, look at me.
don’t. please.
if i get an STD from this thing, i’m gonna kill you.
is there anyone you suspect that might do this to you?
do not shush me.
a deal’s a deal - especially one with the devil.
i do believe there’s good and evil and right and wrong.
does it scare you?
i mean, how could i be scared of something i don’t believe in?
do i scare you?
either way, he’s going to get someone killed. probably himself.
this love thing makes you all quite stupid, doesn’t it?
just hand over the cash, and no one gets hurt.
i believe that’s a fair request, actually, so just pop her around and the money’s yours.
greedy little jackal, aren’t you?
what is it about you and guns, eh?
what’s up, jackass?
hell truly hath no fury like a woman scorned.
i happen to be an expert on punishment, and i’m not sure it fits the crime here.
chlamydia, the clap, a raging case of crabs - that’s what you deserve. not death.
why do humans think they can rectify one evil with another?
why does everyone say that before they’re punished?
come on, shoot me.
son of a bitch, that really hurts!
i don’t bleed!
i don’t lie. but i don’t always tell the whole truth.
can’t sleep when you’re not home.
the models don’t appear to be wearing any clothes.
you were shot and you bled. no sharp objects until we find out why.
the danger of getting hurt is positively thrilling.
now come on, tell me your most dangerous desire.
we need to get out of here now.
i am dreamy, but try to contain yourself.
i got a taste of danger, and i want more.
that whackjob’s gonna totally get me killed.
tomato, tom-ah-to.
see, that’s why we make such great partners - the ‘he said, she said’ of it all.
when do i get my own gun?
i wouldn’t trust you with my kid’s lightsaber.
if i’m gonna be forced to work with you again, i call the shots.
bloody hell! that hurt! do it again.
you know, i’m quite skilled in restraints.
let me guess, you did him a favour.
i process tragedy through my work.
that favour you owe me… i’m calling in my IOU.
i was trying to prevent more death.
well, aren’t we the little saint?
you are the oldest young person i’ve ever met.
i’m not gonna drink at a bar where everyone hates me.
did you ever consider that they hate you for that very reason?
well, somebody’s not being crowned homecoming queen, are they?
surely you’ve heard the expression ‘deal with the devil’…?
people come to me to ask for favours and more often than not, i’m happy to oblige.
i don’t need your sympathy, but thank you.
firstly, let me state that i’m in no way standing up for my associate, but on behalf of myself, and only myself, i think you’re a complete sack of arse.
sadly, the only thing broken was that incontinent troll’s nose.
if i’m not going to look out for you, who will? hm?
maybe next time, i won’t be around to save your ass.
you and my backside used to get on well.
is it my thanks you want, or a kiss?
i don’t do favours for guys like you.
what is it with the men in my life?
act like a child, get treated like a child.
witnesses said they heard you making threats at the door.
no wonder he can’t get it up.
so you’re just gonna sit around and wait for revenge? that’s rather lazy.
i was promised a gang war, and instead, i get a crybaby. this is boring.
you know, they really don’t make bad guys like they used to.
after five years behind bars, a brothel would be my go-to.
i can’t be held responsible for what happens after i give someone a favour.
if there’s one thing the devil knows, it’s that people need to take responsibility for their own bad behaviour.
enough danger for you yet?
you do remember that bullets hurt, right?
you had your hero moment. stay down, or you’re gonna get shot.
ass saved. you’re welcome.
you’re addicted to creating chaos and seeing where the chips fall, to hell with the consequences.
you’re having another one of those 'gut feelings’, aren’t you?
you’ve already wasted so much of your life.
oh, well the good news is that whilst all dogs go to heaven, you’d be surprised how many pigs are waiting for you in hell.
you were never as good as me.
keep your enemies close, right?
who gave that order?
if you come clean now, i’ll go easy on you.
if you really want to do something, you should.
shall we move the party upstairs?
so what unpleasantness felled this heap of unrealised ambition then?
let’s pretend for one second that you’re someone else - someone nice. someone mature.
i mean, getting murdered is probably the most exciting thing that ever happened to him.
i gave up an epic foursome to be here.
call me when you’ve got a murder with a pulse - or at least someone good-looking.
i was hoping for a good shag just as a palate cleanser to wipe the foul taste of boredom from my mouth.
i need your help like i need a third boob.
- knew that was a mistake the moment it came out of my mouth.
i’ll have two tropic wonders and your face smashed into the ground.
i believe they call this interrogating!
we were like fish and chips - salt and pepper - hipsters and condescension!
if we’re gonna work together on this, you’re gonna have to trust me.
nobody steals from me and gets away with it.
he’s not gonna change.
i thought you said lying was a bad thing.
you’re not from around here, are you?
you can’t just smash two people together like barbies and think that that’s gonna fix things.
pardon the intrusion, you village people rejects, but one of you has stolen something that belongs to me.
please identify yourself, so i can punish you accordingly.
i thought we were past you thinking you’re invincible?
a few bad apples shouldn’t paint us all in a bad light, now should it?
you like being considered a criminal, don’t you?
he’s hiding something. we need to force it out of him.
i’ve sat in a parked car and not had sex.
have i done something to offend you?
ooh, whip out the cuffs then.
why shy away from a little bondage fun?
despite all your weirdness, i actually really like working with you.
i have never lied to you. and i will never lie to you.
been a while since i had a good hunt.
you’d never lie to me, right?
stick within the limits of your intellectual capacity.
why do they blame me for all their little failings?!
don’t call me that, please!
demonslayvr.
>> 🔥 << THE SMELL ACTUALLY, but he wasn’t going to admit that to the lord’s face. certain being’s had a scent he could immediately pin point and those that are HELLISH in nature always was pungent. but . . he’d been in hell once or twice enough personally to know when something wasn’t quite right. and the HEAD HONCHO of it all. over it all he snorts soft, waving a hand NONCHALANTLY in the air. ❝ i’d say both – but s’ th’ throne that really stands out — what is it ; human flesh or something ?? has a kinda AIR t’ it. ❞ he murmurs, fingers raising to scratch at his own stubble as he viewed his cards.
he’s not really SUPPOSED to be here —- in front of him anyway ( though he’s sure that LUCIFER hears it all the time ; unsurprising. )
❝ ah — i’d rather PASS, thanks ; what’m ACTUALLY here for ( requestin’ yer audience i ‘spose. ) is t’actually get outta here. i ain’t dead or nothin’ — i’ve got work t’do at SIX ‘n this whole shebang’s a waste’ve time . . ❞
“brimstone, actually. you know, the whole fire and brimstone schtick -- less of a schtick, and more of a quite literal pain in my arse.” devil face or not, he wishes he’d been able to even pretend that hell is any less boring than listening to brother uriel’s welcome speech over and over. perhaps that’s his personal type of hell. what kind of irony would that be? -- then again, knowing the absent father of the year, that’s exactly his rotten little puppeteering plan. boredom. boredom and screaming -- that’s what he’s resigned to and however he perches on the end of a gargantuan, entirely reductive throne that’s cold, and hard, and starting to give him sciatica, isn’t going to change anything.
but he likes to play along.
“oh, please. if you’re not dead, then you’re damned, which means dear ol’ dad’s passed all bloody responsibility on to me. now, i’m fully booked until five, but if you ask really nicely, i’m sure i could shuffle around a drowning-alive-dreamscape and a trapped-in-a-coffin-with-ten-thousand-live-cockroaches-millennium for a good old fashioned bollock bashing.”
trustregain.
inbox . “ it’s suddenly very important that i get drunk . ” @deivll· .
❝ well , you have come to the right place ❞ julia gestures to the bar before him , a dirty dish clamped tight in her hand as she continued to clear the filthy counters . ❝ don’t get too carried away though – i do have a liquor licence i’m sworn to protect . ❞
“not to worry, i’m the devil.” protect and serve, but when it comes to slamming down a quart of whiskey before venturing off to work with the ever-lovely detective, he’s become somewhat a pro. money, jobs, and the mundane of human life don’t appeal to him, but there’s something of a soft spot for what burns down his throat and livens up a party.
“i’d say stop me when i’m drunk, but i’m afraid i’d clear out your top shelf before that happens, love. come on then -- juice me up.”
god is constantly roasting my ass i never get a moment to like recollect myself or anything

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properprocedure.
“your lady garden isn’t really relevant to this potential crime scene, lucifer.” chloe doesn’t look up from her hands as she snaps the gloves into place. she refuses to even acknowledge the implied reference to her own ‘garden,’ or whatever. “look.” she opens the beat-up storm door to find the back door proper left slightly ajar. “there’s probably a joke about leaving eden for the desert in here somewhere.”
“i’ll have you know, detective, that my lady garden is almost always relevant.”
this is how they work: he makes some inappropriate comment that the detective nearly always hides a chortle in favour of a tasteful rebuttal, and the two of them go back and forth until the murder is just sort of... well... solved. what a brilliant partnership. he’s sauntering forward to keep up because there’s no way he’s about to miss the keeping up with the bible studiers reference.
“tempted, are we? i can tell you this -- the forbidden fruit certainly wasn’t an apple. well -- i suppose you could say it dangled... --”
insert the contemplative pause.
“-- off you pop then, detective. as they say, i’ve got your six.”