29m
not doing well academically at all this year, might be because I am also doing bad health wise but fuck if it isn’t bad for my mental state
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not doing well academically at all this year, might be because I am also doing bad health wise but fuck if it isn’t bad for my mental state
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Jerusalem: The Emanation of the Giant Albion/Plate 53, William Blake
Honestly I’m a touch disappointed cause I told my best friend about the thing with J and the fingerprints and the crucifixion and stuff because I thought she would get why I was going insane over it but she didn’t really have much of a reaction at all and now part of me is wondering if I’m just super weird for getting so worked up about it all
But I also know it’s probably just cause she’s tired of me talking about J and my weird fluctuating emotions and all those things
To be fair I told her I didn’t have to talk about it if she didn’t want me to talk about her and she said she was down to listen
I am still kinda bummed though cause I was looking forward to gushing back and forth about it and I’m wondering if maybe I shouldn’t have been as happy as I was about that interaction with J
Viktor Kuusela, Topi (Laakson sairaalassa), 1956 x
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I had a dream about my ex A again. .. I dream about him a lot for someone who isn’t in my life.
In my dream we got back together and my friends liked him .
I think I’m lonely.
Idk I kinda have someone but again I don’t because we don’t talk much…
Well guess I’ll introduce him but his nick name will be Ten. Anyways ten and I met on reddit dont ask on what subreddit hint: it was nsfw
Anyways ten is just a chronically ill so he doesn’t always feel good to chat. and I’m ok with that I don’t need to be talking all day or even every day .. I feel like it triggers my BPD and makes me unstable. But yea .. ten calls me his princess and says he loves me.. we never met in person, we have never talked on the phone or a FaceTimed. I’d love to do that but he always says he’s busy or feels sick.. I don’t even know if we are actually dating.. it’s kinda grey.. but yea sometimes I get really sad because he’s not available to chat and I want attention . But I’ve been so nonchalant and patient with him.. I mean he’s nice to me and idk that’s all it takes for me to fall in love too . I’m just so attached to him.
I know we probably aren’t dating.. I’m too scared to ask… he’s going thru a lot rn so yea… idk I miss him rn. I know I’m in too deep when I start having dreams that he’s going to leave me . I told him about it and he comforted me and told me he wouldn’t do that. Idk
I really need to ask myself what I want in a relationship ..
Sucks being a hopeless romantic with BPD ..
everyone loves to hate on a budweiser until it’s time to sip on a budweiser
we laugh then we choke
