A/N: While Deeks is at FLETC, Kensi struggles without him.
It’s week four sans Deeks and Kensi’s starting to feel the strain. It starts when she wakes up in the morning to an empty bed, continues on the drive to work where she either relies on a too-short video call with or the radio to fill the silence. At first, work had been a welcome distraction and she’d even enjoyed the chance to work with agents from other agencies.
The novelty is wearing thin now, and she’s keenly aware of Deeks absence as she stands in their usual spot in OPS. She misses his insights, and jokes,
“You want to come question the witness with me, Kens?” Callen asks.
Of course, because she doesn’t have a permanent partner, she’s either stuck going solo or takes turns pairing up with someone else for a few days. It reminds her a little too much of her first year or so with NCIS, when she was always the third wheel to Sam and Callen’s veteran partnership. Even though they don’t complain, she’s starting to feel like a burden.
“Sure. Though this time, I’m driving,” she insists.
“Ok, but only if you clean it first,” Callen agrees as they walk out the door. She groans, playing into it because that’s what’s expected of her.
Once she’s driving, her thoughts drift. This is hardly the first time she’s been without a partner, but it’s been the longest in recent years, and it makes her realize how much she relies on Deeks knowing her and anticipating her quirks and needs the way no one else can.
Sam’s extremely particular about certain aspects of the job. He doesn’t keep an extra candy bar in the glove compartment, or think of stopping for a donut when she starts getting cranky on long shifts. She also knows he’s not going to take her up on an offer to stop for tacos on the way back to the mission. He would if she asks, but it’s not the same.
When they’re stopped at a backed up red light, she checks her phone and finds a missed call from Deeks. Damn it. If she doesn’t call him back in the next twenty minutes, she probably won’t get another opportunity until tonight.
Shoving her phone back in her pocket, she covers her disappointment with a shrug. “Yeah, we usually talk before work, but Deeks has an off-campus training today, so his schedule is a little different.”
“Is he doing ok?” Callen asks politely. Or at least that’s how she reads it. Maybe he’s just trying to tiptoe around what’s been a tenuous situation.
“He’s good. It’s FLETC, you know, so it’s not exactly fun,” she answers, recalling Deeks’ descriptions of the long runs cadets had every morning and afternoon. She’d mostly blocked that detail out of her memory since her own FLETC days. “Especially since he’s stuck with a bunch of 23 year olds. Not that that’s a problem. You know Deeks is a people person and is in amazing shape. It’s just not what you want to be doing in your forties.” She presses her lips together to hold back further rambling.
Callen didn’t need to know about the mild hazing Deeks received at the hands of the less kind instructors the first couple of weeks. Or the expectations that came with Deeks’ years of experience, as well as the unexpected notoriety that came with their more infamous cases. Finding out that FLETC instructors not only used Deeks and Sam’s abduction by Sidorov as case study had come as an extremely unpleasant and jarring surprise.
“Yeah, that’s to be expected,” Callen comments neutrally. Something about it irritates her. At least Sam would offer some sage advice. He’d remind her that Deeks was strong and intelligent and they both would make it through the next couple months.
Callen’s more matter-of-fact for any of that, which is pretty damn infuriating when it feel as if her life might implode at any second. An awkward silence rises and goes on until they reach their destination and Callen tentatively breaches the tension.
This time he sounds more uncertain, even concerned, and for some reason, it instantly makes her eyes burn with the beginnings of tears. She also feels bad for her uncharitable thoughts.
“Yeah, I just miss him,” she admits. She doesn’t add that there’s a lot riding on Deeks successfully completing FLETC. That she might be looking for a new partner even if he does.
“Why don’t you call Deeks back? I’ll give you a few minutes to catch up.
He acknowledges that with a nod, gets out of the SUV, and paces a few yards away. She quickly calls Deeks back, and he picks up after the second ring.
“Kensi,” he answers, his voice instantly soothing her.
“Hi baby,” she murmurs back, briefly closing her eyes. She wants to tell him how hard this is. That she misses him. That she needs him here. Instead, she forces a smile into her voice. “How was your run?”
Leaning back in her seat, she closes her eyes as he talks, and for a few minutes, pretends he’s right beside her.
A/N: This story involves a number of my personal head canons and references several stories and the backstory I’ve written in my FLETC series (all posted to my ff.net page). So, most of this is not actually canon.
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