ass

Did I ever talk abt the time i was at a bdsm club and one of the pups was on all fours and barking and being cute and the dom on scene was like “hi puppy! Do you do any tricks?” And he said “I can beatbox!”

I was like. Doubled over incapacitated laughing the entire time. He was really good and a big sweetheart and I felt kinda bad but I couldn’t stop thinking “why the am I getting the beatboxing puppy unskippable cutscene at the bdsm club”

Whoever invented getting out of bed can go to hell

early to bed and early to rise leaves a man so fucked up that he dies

“get the fries, you’ll need the energy in the coming days”

Cmon man

i wish there was more social existence you could participate in laying down. I wish there were cafes that were two little futon beds parallel to each other with a low table in between so you could eat and drink while lounging. I wish there were group activities like painting or glazing clay or theaters that were designed to have beds and bed-height tables instead of chairs. I wish there were beds alongside benches outside for anyone to use. I wish air mattresses or roll-out beds were as common as cheap shitty chairs at things like barbeques, beaches, and concerts. so much life would open up to me and be enjoyable if I could lay down instead of sitting or standing for prolonged periods and completely wearing myself down with pain.

you CANNOT read too much old timey fiction because I was playing Raft with the lads this morning and without a THOUGHT said we could sail over to another island "if the wind would consent to blow" & let me tell you. This did not pass by unremarked.

[ID 1: Screenshot of the notes. progestronized repeated, "pass by unremarked" and OP replied, "just leave me to die" /end 1] [2: Discord screenshot of dms between pathetic-gamer and their spouse. the spouse said, "Babe that is not true I talk normal!!!" pathetic-gamer sent a screenshot of the spouse starting a discord message starting with, "friends. lend me strength in temperance." /End ID.]

unrestrained summer fun

alright I'm almost finished Project Hail Mary, and I have to say, I don't get why people are shipping the guy with Markiplier when he's already in a perfectly healthy queer-platonic relationship with the alien spider made of rocks