"the up and the down, the right and the wrong. Iâm trying, Iâm trying, Iâm trying not to⌠touch him." Mostly SPN, usually NSFW blog Ft: queer kissing, my other other fandoms, and orginal fics.
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Out of curiosity, do you ever plan to return to writing fanfic?
Lordy, I hadnât been on tumblr in an age but my millennial old person hobby is turning out to be bookbinding so I came slithering back. I am hoping to finish some fics once I cut back on work over this summer! So yes, but it will be a slow return
Sam chokes on his beer. Bucky claps him on the back, looking pensively into the dark water. Sam gets a breath, then clears his throat several times before licking his lips.
âWhat makes you say that?â he asks casually.
âI remember having gay sex,â Bucky answers ponderously. âA lot.â
"A lot?" Sam repeats, now bewildered.
Bucky just nods slowly, his gaze distant. Sam blinks several times, wondering what the hell he's imagining.
âWith who?â he demands, looking at him with eyebrows high on his forehead.
Bucky just frowns. âI donât know. A couple of guys. A big one and a little one.â
Sam looks out at the water, too, mouthing under his breath about how fucking stupid this man can get. Then takes Buckyâs cigarette and drags on it. Bucky snatches it back.
âYouâre not a super soldier,â he snaps. âNo smoking, kid.â
âSorry,â Sam replies. âI mean, about â About not remembering⌠Hm⌠Oof. Thatâs, uh, thatâs rough, buddy.â He claps Bucky on the shoulder, glancing over his shoulder with a grimace for their friend, the one who was little but now is big and is now retired so he can paint large blue watercolors of some vague masculine figure over and over again, that friend. He faces the water again and blows out his breath. Idiots. Jesus Christ man.
Bucky sighs, wistful, then drags on the cigarette himself. The boat rocks behind them.
âDid I hear you say you remember having gay sex?â Steve calls from behind them.
Bucky glances over his shoulder at him. âYeah,â he says, nodding. âYou know anything about that?â
Sam looks at Steve, raising his eyebrows. Steveâs lower lip wobbles for a second and then he just smiles.
âIâm sure youâll remember,â he then says quietly.
Bucky nods, turning back. Sam drops his jaw at Steve, who just lowers his gaze and sits down on a bench, hands in his lap and head down. Like a kicked puppy. Sam blusters, half gesturing between the two of them, but Steve shoots him a glare and Bucky doesn't notice. Sam looks between the two of them for over a minute, just watching these two idiots standing five feet apart because theyâre not gay.
âOkay,â Sam declares, âthatâs it! Iâve had it up to HERE with the homoerotic tension on this boat!â
Bucky looks up, frowning. Steve jerks his head up, too, his eyes wide. Sam points with both hands at Steve, but looks at Bucky.
âHe knows somethinâ about you being gay for sure!â he snaps. âFrankly, I think he knows more about it than you do! Double frankly! I know that for a mothafuckin' fact!â
Bucky opens his mouth, looking bewildered, then glances between Steve and Sam. âHuh?â
Sam slaps himself in the face with the hand not holding his beer. Bucky frowns at Steve. Steve blushes and looks towards the stern of the boat. Bucky suddenly gasps, jerking a hand up to point.
âI fucked you!â he shouts.
Steve blushes harder, bright red behind his beard, as he look down into his lap, then he nods, seeming speechless.
Sam smacks himself on the forehead again, making a face at their stupidity. Then Bucky shoves his cigarette back into his hand, and he storms right up to Steve and hauls him off the bench by the back of his shirt. Steve squeaks adorably for a man of his large size, but Bucky starts dragging him off the boat.
âOkay?â Sam calls after them as Steve stumbles to keep up with Bucky. âBye, I guess?â
âThanks!â Bucky shouts over his shoulder.
âWhatâs going on?â Steve says.
âIâm fucking your face in that alley over there, sweetheart,â Bucky announces. "Then I'm coming all over your beard."
âI did not need to hear that!â Sam shouts back. âDidnât need to hear that! I expect to be both of yâallâs best man at your wedding! And the officiant! And Iâmma give both of yâall away, too!â He turns, then pivots, jabbing his finger in their direction. âAnd it better be a destination wedding, gay ass dumbasses! I wanna go to Bali!â
Steve waves his middle finger behind him as he skips, eagerly, along behind Bucky down the pier. Sam shakes his head, turns, and puffs on the cigarette again.
âGay ass dumbasses,â he mutters, âone looks over, the otherâs already looking away. My ass.â
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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âWoof,â Dianne remarked under her breath from her place on Hollyâs left.
And as the mini-challengeâs guest judge came in through the workroomâs main entrance, well Hollyâs long neglected libido couldnât help but agree. Though Hollyâs type was usually more along the lines of otter than a full on muscle bear it was clear that the man decked out in a grey Marine Corps t-shirt and snug fitting camo pants taking his place at Gabbyâs side had clearly worked to earn his very accurate nickname.
The queens engaged in some polite applause for the sergeant, causing the newcomer to smile widely at them revealing endearing little forehead wrinkles and crinkles at the corners of his eyes that gave away the fact that the drill instructor probably smiled quite a lot.
âLadies,â The guest acknowledged, not even faltering with the title or blinking at the little sigh that came out of Kim when the queen on Hollyâs other side heard the legitimate deep Southern drawl of the judgeâs voice. âIâm here today to make you sweat.â
âYes, please,â Tasha said loud enough to earn a bark of laughter turned cough from Sam who was standing with Zeke off to the side.
âSergeant Lafitte,â Gabby began, putting a hand on the other manâs bicep only to pause for a moment to squeeze the muscle with an appreciative little moue. âMay I call you The Bear?â
âYou can call me Benny, sugar,â the drill instructor replied with a wink, earning a laugh/cough from Zeke this time and a scowl from Sam.
âOoh, well Benny then,â Gabby continued, fanning himself dramatically with his free hand as he turned back to the queens. âWill be putting you through your paces at booty camp and the rules for this challenge are simple, last queen standing wins a special advantage for this weekâs runway.â
There were excited titters amongst the queens, again all for the cameras because by this point all of the contestants knew what the stakes of the mini-challenges were, but half of drag was acting so they made it look good.
âWell, alrighty-then,â Gabby bubbled for the camera. âHave at âem, Benny-Bear.â
The sergeant smiled again at the host before doing a crisp turn on his heel to face the contestants. Gabby started to swan over towards Sam and Zeke, off camera but close enough to get reaction shots should something outrageous happen.
âTen-Hut, ladies!â Benny shouted, crossing his arms over his chest as he inspected the queens in front of him for a long moment. âWeâre starting with jumping jacks girls, assume the position.â
âIâll assume your position,â Dianne offered with a flirty wink at the drill sergeant.
âYouâd probably assume right,â Benny fired back with a wink of his own as he paced in front of the row of contestants. âNow start jumping.â
Now Holly had a lot of experience dancing and struttinâ and shaking her ass off in heels, but sheâd never bothered trying to do a jumping jack and it was honestly much harder than sheâd thought it would be. Within a minute she was sweating and desperately wishing she had swiped some anti-perspirant across her hairline before starting.
âI donât know but I been told,â Benny sing-songed in time to the queensâ measured pace, gesturing for them to repeat it when they just kept jumping and panting. âBut drag queen shade is mighty cold.â
Kim laughed as they all repeated the sergeant's words and Holly resented the younger queen for having caught her breath enough to do that.
âOkay, now switch to push ups,â Benny instructed, stopping to demonstrate the exercise when Dianne claimed to not know what it was. Holly took the opportunity to mop up her face with the neckline of her tank top while the other queens admired BennyâsâŚ.*ahem* form.
âGot it, sweetheart?â Benny asked Dianne who was fanning herself as she watched the other man get back on his feet and earning an enthusiastic nod in reply. âGreat, now drop and give me fifty!â
âFucking fifty?â Holly heard Tasha mutter under her breath and Holly really couldnât agree more.
They were about twenty push ups in when Bennyâs combat boots stomped quickly out of Hollyâs eyeline to the other end of the workroom.
âEva Destruction, youâre out,â Bennyâs voice declared to the room at large.
âWhatever,â Holly heard Eva reply bitterly. âIâm too old for this shit.â
Pull ups knocked out Tasha Salad (âI ainât winning nothing with these skinny chicken arms, baby.â) and Dianne Tawank kicked off her heels during high-knee running in place (âIâd rather just watch the show, darling.â) which just left Holly Cummunion and Kim Chi battling it out once Benny instructed the queens to start doing sit ups.
âAlright ladies,â Gabby called from across the workroom. âThis will decide who gets this weekâs special advantage so you better werk!â
Holly let out a sigh of relief as her overheated skin hit the cool surface of the workroomâs concrete floor; in fact she was pretty sure she had never been more satisfied with being on her back than at that very moment.
âWe're doing sit ups till one of you cries uncle, ladies,â Benny declared, planting himself firmly in front of the spot that Holly and Kim had lain down to do their sit ups. Which was conveniently right where the cameras could get a wide shot of almost the entire workroom.
âWell Iâd prefer to call you daddy, but uncle works too I guess,â Kim quipped brightly, surprising a laugh out of Holly even as they started in on their sit ups with Benny counting them off. The younger queen really had the whole pretty and charmingly dumb act down pat.
It didnât take long before Hollyâs abs started burning. Like, sheâd already been sweaty and out of breath before she and Kim had started their showdown, but now her arms were trembling and she was genuinely struggling to keep pace with the other queen as she plowed through sit ups like it was nothing. Holly started making what she was sure were supremely unattractive little grunts every time she reached the apex of a sit up and her sweat band wasnât doing much to keep her eyes from burning; probably melting her eyeliner right off her face.
Holly could feel herself starting to slow down even before she saw Bennyâs focus shift towards her faltering sit ups and it wasnât less than five reps later that the drill sergeant was barking out that Kim Chi was the winner of the weekâs mini-challenge.
âIâd say âfuck meâ,â Holly drawled as one of the cameras zoomed in to catch the panting puddle she had collapsed back into on the floor while Kim popped up and did a little victory shimmy. âBut I donât think Iâd survive it at this point.â
Holly heard a familiar chuckle above her and looked up to see Sam offering her a hand up off the floor while the cameras trickled away to get shots from the other queens as they mopped themselves up before Gabby gave them further instructions for tomorrowâs runway challenge.
âYou did good, man,â Sam said quietly, giving Holly a slap on the back once the queen had been hauled to her feet by the taller man. âI probably couldnât have done all of that in heels.â
âSure you couldâve,â Holly replied, taking a hand towel offered to her by one of the PAs, Naomi. (Christ, she must look a sight if Naomi was being nice.) âWe just wouldâve had to glue them to your feet, it's the only way to learn.â
Sam laughed again and shook a finger at Holly before starting back to his spot next to Gabby that the Pit Crew usually occupied anytime the host was in the workroom. âYou remember you said that, Cas.â
Holly frowned in confusion, but shrugged off Samâs comment quickly; she had to, Gabby was gently shooing the other queens into a straight line and Holly had to rush over to join them.
âOkay, my lovelies,â Gabby said, smiling beatifically as he addressed the assembled queens. âNow that youâve all thoroughly stretched, it's time to talk about this weekâs runway challenge. And Kimmie dear since you won this week's mini-challenge you get an extra scrumptious advantage.â
Kim gave an excited little bounce from her place in line and even Hollyâs heart melted a little bit. America was going to love that brilliant little twit when this shit aired.
âNow, Sergeant Lafitte--oh! Iâm sorry, Benny,â Gabby continued, winking slyly at the sergeant who was standing at his side in parade rest. âHas brought some friends with him to help you girls with the runway challenge this week. You want to call them in, Benny-bear?â
âSure, darling,â Benny replied with a dazzling grin at the host that caused Sam to roll his eyes; Holly was pretty sure the cameras didnât catch that little drama though. The drill sergeant raised his voice and directed it towards the workroomâs double door. âGentlemen! Forward march!â
The queens all jumped at Bennyâs first barked order and Tasha even started to take a hesitant step forward before the double doors swung open to admit a line of five men marching sharply in sync to stand in a mirroring line across from the queens. The men were all wearing t-shirts that sported the names of the different branches of the military, camouflage pants, and combat boots.
And honestly, in Hollyâs opinion, they were a pretty tragic looking bunch.
Two of them were at least her age if not older, one looked like he had just come down out of the mountains for the first time in years, and the remaining two looked like they were barely out of high school. The former three men had severe expressions on their faces and the latter two looked disgustingly eager to please. Holly did know which would be worse to work with.
She also had the slightly disturbing thought that if these men really were military like Gabby was obviously hinting then America was in trouble for sure.
However, she couldnât dwell on it for too long because Gabby was addressing the room again and if she didnât want to be in the bottom three again this week then she better pay attention.
âLadies, our guests this week are all either former or current members of the United States Armed Forces. As you can see from their shirts they represent every branch of military service and they also represent the LGBTQ+ community.â Gabby explained. âThatâs right, all of these men are hella gay and this week you will be transforming them into the fabulous, kick-ass drag queens they never knew they were meant to be.â
Holly felt her stomach drop. They were supposed to turn these burly, boot-stepping bros in to drag queens? No. No way. The beardy one probably had more hair on his face than all of the competing queens had on their entire bodies! There was not enough NAIR or enough Ms. Manners lessons in the world to smooth out the rough edges on these soldiers. These men had actively volunteered to go to war, hell, they might have even killed people. You could not make a light-hearted, campy drag queen out of an army grunt. It was just impossible.
God, maybe she should have tried a little harder to win the advantage this week.
âMs. Kim Chi,â Gabby continued, oblivious to Hollyâs inner turmoil. âSince you kicked ass at drag booty camp you get to assign which soulja boy will work with each of your fellow queens.â
Kim gave a little squeal of delight before immediately darting over to the youngest of the soldiers and doing a dramatic jump into his arms; forcing the poor boy to catch her to keep them both from falling over.
âDibs on the cute one!â Kim cried, earning laughter from the Pit Crew and Gabby while the rest of the queens forced smiles and panicked on the inside.
This weekâs runway was essentially in the hands of an excitable 20-year old manic-pixie-ladyboy with an addiction to Red Bulls and candy necklaces. Holly wasnât totally freaking out because Kim generally liked her so sheâd probably give her the next youngest soldier even if that kid was a bit of a bean pole, but Tasha Salad...yea, that bitch should be worried. The other queen had been ragging on Kim about being the youngest contestant since day one and Holly knew for a fact that Kim was very very over it.
âToday, dumpling,â Gabby prompted once the laughter had died down.
âWellllll,â Kim drawled, getting her feet back under her so that she could meander through the line of soldiers; reaching out to squeeze a bicep or ruffle some hair here and there. âI think the only fair way to do this is to pair you boys up with a girl you might have something in common with, some shared life experience. So uhâŚ.get in order of oldest to youngest. Girls, you too.â
Holly raised an eyebrow as the queens and soldiers exchanged doubtful looks before everyone began rearranging themselves per Kimâs instructions and oh...oh, tiny infant Jesus, no.
Across from her stood the hairiest, most disheveled soldier (his grey shirt proclaimed him a Marine) that Holly had ever seen in her life. She was pretty sure there were regulations for things like facial hair and stuff in the military, right? Benny and all of the other soldiers were clean shaven except for a few very neat mustaches. Was this guy undercover or something? Trying to infiltrate a particularly militant bunch of Appalachian mountain men?
If so, then this dudeâs cover was going to be seriously blown when this episode aired.
âUhâŚâ Kim said, eyeing the line up, biting her lip before casting an apologetic look in Hollyâs direction. âThisâll work. Cute one, youâre with me.â
The young, blonde guy at the end of the row of soldiers smiled winningly at Kim as she bounded back over to the line of drag queens revealing deep set dimples because of course. Holly could only be thankful that she wasnât Eva because her Navy guy looked like he had never seen a bottle of moisturizer in his life.
âFantastic,â Gabby gushed. âNow that that is settled, what weâre looking for this week, ladies, is for you to turn your individual star-spangled man with a plan into an all-American beauty queen. The judges are going to be looking for a strong family resemblance and we would also like each duo to perform a patriotic baton routine to honor this wonderful country. Youâve got a lot to do this week ladies so start your engines. And may the best woman win!â
Holly bared her teeth in a smile as Gabby swanned out of the workroom, taking Sam and Zeke with him as he went.
âAnd weâre clear!â Dorothy, one of the production assistants, shouted once the workroom door had shut behind the showâs name sake. âGentlemen, feel free to borrow from the vault for your army guyâs runway routine. Baton routine outfits will be provided. You will have two days to prepare for your runway walk and baton routine. Each pair will get one hour of consultation with the choreographer to get their input on your routine, but you are each responsible for creating a unique baton routine on your own. Any questions?â
The vague af instructions were par for the course for the queens so none of the remaining contestants raised their hands, but the tall, lanky boy that Raphael had been paired with raised his hand innocently.
Dorothy just raised her eyebrow and suppressed a sigh, âYes, you in the camo?â
There were barely concealed giggles and barks of laughter from the rest of the assorted men as the boy (because he was a boy, really how old was this kid?) blushed beet red before he managed to stammer out an answer for Dorothy.
âAre we going to get a break for lunch?â the boy forced out, earning another round of laughter from the queens and a quickly stifled grin from Dorothy as well.
âMaybe this was a good pairing after all,â Raphael announced pointedly in Kevinâs direction, looping his arm through the boyâs before he started pulling him out of the workroom. âCâmon baby, let momma show you where craft services are.â
âAny other questions?â the production assistant prompted again, earning a bevy of head shakes from the remaining men. âGreat, well you can use the rest of today to get to know your partner. Your two days of preparation officially starts tomorrow.â
Meaning they could unofficially start prepping today, wonderful. Castiel sighed in relief at being given even an extra half day to try to whip and wax his partner into shape. And with thatâŚ
Castiel turned back to his Marine, trying and failing to not be slightly intimidated by the rough exterior of the other man. Who knew maybe he was a softy under that bushy beard?