i'll super your natural

they should invent a me without all the anxiety

had a terrible week that can only possibly be solved by two tall gays eating pizza

No one is doing it like Ilya Rozanov. He’s in a gladiator costume. He sent the rookies home from his party because he’s depressed. His boyfriend drove two hours with a butt plug in because Ilya looks hot in that gladiator costume and Hayden Pike called him a prude and that bothers him. Shane said I’m a freak and I need my boyfriend to know that, but Ilya can’t stop crying thinking about Shane. Ilya is looking down at his plugged up boyfriend giving him a bj under the gladiator skirt and he’s got tears in his eyes. He’s alarmed by the tears in his eyes and responds by fucking Shane nearly upside down on the couch like an inversion table. He’s doing fine. Maybe he should think about therapy.

Sometimes people say that Ilya’s characterization changes dramatically from HR to TLG but I think it’s more like the “expectation / reality” frame from 50 Days of Summer. We spend most of HR in Shane’s head perceiving Ilya as the coolest hottest man alive and the minute we hop into Ilya’s head it’s like oh. Oh no this man is sticking a fork into his toaster

Ilya heard you must feel that you are abandoned by god to be a good top and said ah well yes and then never thought any deeper about it

the fact that they killed henriksen instead of having season after season of him and dean playing some psychosexual cat-and-mouse game is my villain origin story

the past isn’t behind you it coils inside your body that’s why some years you feel closer and more nostalgic for certain ages than others just fyi

There is absolutely a platonic explanation for that

But I will also entertain the non platonic for my own edification do u understand

i noticed my horrible patterns! i think the process stops there

My problem is that I have betrayed everything that I am for phone in bed

obviously ilya’s 33rd birthday is going to be really hard for him and I think by this point he and Shane have been married and living together for a couple of years and Shane has seen him on good days and bad days and he’s trying to be upfront about how this is not going to be a good day but shane’s doing that thing where he’s like “babe we’ve got this. Together.” which is all fine and dandy but ilya doesn’t want to have this he doesn’t want to be shane’s version of fine which oftentimes is just smiling and nothing else. he wants to be blowing out his birthday candles with his mama he wants to give her a hug as she tells him its a hard year but it’ll be alright that he’ll get through it he wants one of her silly presents that she used to leave on his bed so it would be the last thing he’d get on his birthday to make up for any stuffiness that he had to suffer with his father he wants the honey cake that she used to get him from the bakery around the corner that’s was closed the last time he went to moscow and god he wants to go back to moscow he wants to be where he grew up and for a moment be eleven and ten and eight and five and two but that’s not going to happen and its not shane’s fault that shane’s not getting it but the fact of the matter is that shane doesn’t get it. So on the morning of his birthday he gets up before shane which is only possible because shane sleeps til 7 when theyre at the cottage and goes for a run and then stops down by the dock and smokes three cigarettes in a row and the water looks so peaceful and running shorts are basically swim trunks so he jumps in and just floats there and thinks about how he’ll be older than his mama ever got to be soon and how he’s older than he ever thought he’d be and he doesn’t really know how to feel about either of those facts and then he hears shane’s voice at the end of the dock saying happy birthday and ilya yells out that hollander should join him for a swim and instead of rolling his eyes or mentioning the ashtray with three very obviously fresh butts he just goes okay and he doesn’t even bother to fold his sweats he’s strips down to his boxers and jumps in and is on ilya and gives him a little kiss before saying that he got them breakfast and it’ll be getting cold and ilya’s like oh you made us breakfast? And shanes like no i got us macdonalds and then he’s pulling ilya back towards the dock and of course he brought them towels cause he was going to jump in the whole time cause he knew ilya would ask and maybes its not moscow and it’ll never be moscow again but maybe this can be okay too.