i'll super your natural

obviously ilya’s 33rd birthday is going to be really hard for him and I think by this point he and Shane have been married and living together for a couple of years and Shane has seen him on good days and bad days and he’s trying to be upfront about how this is not going to be a good day but shane’s doing that thing where he’s like “babe we’ve got this. Together.” which is all fine and dandy but ilya doesn’t want to have this he doesn’t want to be shane’s version of fine which oftentimes is just smiling and nothing else. he wants to be blowing out his birthday candles with his mama he wants to give her a hug as she tells him its a hard year but it’ll be alright that he’ll get through it he wants one of her silly presents that she used to leave on his bed so it would be the last thing he’d get on his birthday to make up for any stuffiness that he had to suffer with his father he wants the honey cake that she used to get him from the bakery around the corner that’s was closed the last time he went to moscow and god he wants to go back to moscow he wants to be where he grew up and for a moment be eleven and ten and eight and five and two but that’s not going to happen and its not shane’s fault that shane’s not getting it but the fact of the matter is that shane doesn’t get it. So on the morning of his birthday he gets up before shane which is only possible because shane sleeps til 7 when theyre at the cottage and goes for a run and then stops down by the dock and smokes three cigarettes in a row and the water looks so peaceful and running shorts are basically swim trunks so he jumps in and just floats there and thinks about how he’ll be older than his mama ever got to be soon and how he’s older than he ever thought he’d be and he doesn’t really know how to feel about either of those facts and then he hears shane’s voice at the end of the dock saying happy birthday and ilya yells out that hollander should join him for a swim and instead of rolling his eyes or mentioning the ashtray with three very obviously fresh butts he just goes okay and he doesn’t even bother to fold his sweats he’s strips down to his boxers and jumps in and is on ilya and gives him a little kiss before saying that he got them breakfast and it’ll be getting cold and ilya’s like oh you made us breakfast? And shanes like no i got us macdonalds and then he’s pulling ilya back towards the dock and of course he brought them towels cause he was going to jump in the whole time cause he knew ilya would ask and maybes its not moscow and it’ll never be moscow again but maybe this can be okay too.

To be clear. Shane's whole thing about Ilya being a Sex God is because of the limerence. Ilya is nineteen and he can get a rhythm going and that's about it. He was throwing shit at the wall when he hit that 'Get on your knees' in Nashville but only he knows that because Shane's brain turned OFF. Ilya said "Let's do a little experiment here" and the results were "Oh my god oh my god oh my god." Shane came hands free because he was that obsessed with the idea of Ilya Rozanov being inside him. Ilya said "Do you like that do you like that" because he's nineteen and he needs the validation and Shane was like "YES YES YES I LIKE IT OH MY GOD YOU'RE SO DEEP YOU'RE SO GOOD" and objectively. It was okay. Ilya fully did not know where to put his hands a couple of times. He forgot about Shane's dick. Luckily, Shane is God's special angel who can come from the idea of Ilya's cockhead being in proximity to his prostate a few times. Mind over matter, says Shane Hollander's dick. And then Ilya said "Oh God Hollander" because it was also, objectively, one of the hottest things that had ever happened to HIM, Ilya Rozanov. Shane sits on that step afterwards plotting about how he's gonna get this over and over and over again for the rest of his life and he has no idea that there are women in Boston who have Ilya listed in their contacts as "Hockey Guy 6/10". Shane Hollander cannot fathom a world in which Ilya Rozanov doesn't lay the maddest pipe this side of Lake Michigan. "Ilya Rozanov is a some kind of nineteen year old sex God" No Shane honey he was just designed in a lab to score goals and make you cum and he's done scoring goals for the night.

you wouldn’t download a #dan and phil.

UNPOPULAR OPINION: A lot of "mental health issues" disappear when bills are paid, rent is secure, and the fridge is full. Peace is expensive. And pretending money doesn't affect mental health is privilege.

i love ilya rozanov i need to Consume him