Shame's Only Daughter

A Song of Ice and Fire (and Related Fandoms)

☆ The Crimson King ☆

Fandom: A Song of Ice and Fire Main pairing: Rhaegar Targaryen x fem!Crannogman!oc Summary: Frida of House Fenn is visiting King's Landing to swear her family's fealty to the new King Rhaegar of the Seven Kingdoms on the day of his coronation, when she experiences a strange encounter with the king himself in the gardens of the Red Keep. Status: Discontinued - I may rewrite this at some stage, which could lead to writing more parts but I have no current plans to do so Word count: 3,298 Chapter count: 1 Last Updated: 24 October 2023 (written mostly in 2022 and earlier)

☆ These Violent Delights ☆

Part II | Part III | Part IV ❤️‍🔥| Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX ❤️‍🔥

Fandom: House of the Dragon Main Pairing: Davos Blackwood x fem!Bracken!oc Summary: Cersha Bracken should never have been at the battle at the burning mill. By the will of the gods, or by pure chance, she found a wounded foe and decided to carry him to safety. As the natural enemies get to know the people beneath the heraldry, house loyalty becomes a complicated sentiment. Status: Ongoing - sporadic updates Word count: 20,382 Chapter count: 9 Last Updated: 11 September 2024

Bands and Musicians

☆ Brooklyn Baby ☆

Part II | Part III ❤️‍🔥 | Part IV | Bonus I | Bonus II | Bonus III ❤️‍🔥 | Bonus IV

SFW Alphabet | NSFW Alphabet ❤️‍🔥

Read the Q&A and patch notes

Fandom: Geese/Music RPF Main Pairing: Cameron Winter x fem!oc Summary: Best friends since senior year of high school, Cameron and Allison are the epitome of will they/won't they. When she complains that they never got to have a real prom, Cam takes matters into his own hands. Status: Completed (bonus chapters are possible) Word count: 33,363 Chapter count: 9 Last updated: 10/05/2026

☆ Hanging Up My Heart ☆

Fandom: The Allman Brothers Band/Classic Rock RPF Main Pairing: Duane Allman x fem!oc/named!reader Summary: You're content traveling with the Allman Brothers, but when your best friend and fellow groupie chooses to leave to tour with Traffic, will you go with her or stay behind? Status: Completed Word count: 3,544 Chapter count: 1 Last updated: 20 May 2023

☆ Let Me Mend the Past ☆

Fandom: King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard/Music RPF Main Pairing: Ambrose Kenny-Smith x fem!reader/unnamed oc Summary: Years after an adolescent one-night stand, you and Ambrose reunite. Status: Completed Word count: 6,118 Chapter count: 1 Last updated: 29 March 2022

☆ The Earth From a Distance ☆

Fandom: Hozier/Music RPF Main pairing: Andrew Hozier-Byrne x fem!oc Summary: Gráinne moved to Dunbur to escape her past, to live quietly and write, and wallow in all the grief she had acquired. Andrew has other ideas… Status: Uncertain - it works as a one shot, but I may write more at some stage Word count: 3,664 Chapter count: 1 Last updated: 26 November 2024

☆ We Share the Same Sky ☆

Fandom: Black Country New Road/Music RPF Main pairing: Isaac Wood x fem!oc Summary: Isaac and Ellie are old friends from highschool who reconnect and rapidly fall in love. Status: Uncertain (published exclusively on AO3 due to harassment I have experienced) Word count: 39,586 Chapter count: 10 Last updated: 9 November 2024

Other Fandoms

☆ The Craving ☆

Part II | Part III

Fandom: White Fang (1991) Main pairing: Jack Conroy x fem!oc Summary: Quinn has lived in the wild north since childhood, Jack is a city boy who just arrived. Will their differences be a source of attraction, or tear them apart? Status: Ongoing - sporadic updates Word count: 7226 Chapter count: 3 Last updated: 6 October 2024

☆ Entanglement Theory ☆

Bonus Chapter

Fandom: Sunshine (2007) Main pairing: Robert Capa x fem!oc Summary: Sleepless nights are common on Icarus II... Status: Completed - open to more bonus chapters, ficlets etc Word count: 6133 Chapter count: 2 Last updated: 30 August 2023

☆ The Grey Wind ☆

A Different Kind of Sacrament

Fandom: Vikings Main pairing: Athelstan x fem!oc Summary: Moments between Athelstan and Ylva on their journey from master and thrall to lovers. Status: Ongoing - story to be published out of chronological order Word count: 1154 Chapter count: 1 Last updated: 26 May 2025

☆ A Hazy Shade of Winter ☆

Part II

Fandom: The Holdovers Main pairing: Angus Tully x fem!oc Summary: Carol Hunham is stuck at Barton over the Christmas break with her strange and stuffy uncle. To make matters worse, a certain boy takes an immediate disliking to her. Status: Ongoing - sporadic updates Word Count: 4,556 Chapter count: 2 Last updated: 26 April 2024

☆ I Don't Know Why I Bite ☆

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

Fandom: The Long Walk Main pairing: Gary Barkovitch x fem!oc Summary: Birdie Tucker is the first girl to ever participate in the Long Walk. She never expected to meet someone like Gary Barkovitch along the way. Status: Ongoing Word Count: 15,228 Chapter count: 6 Last updated: 14 June 2026

☆ Midnight At Noonday ☆

Part II | Part III

Fandom: Dead Poet's Society Main pairing: Various x fem!oc Summary: Being the only girl in attendance at one of the most prestigious all-boys preparatory schools in the United States is not easy, but it has its perks. Follow along the plot of Dead Poets Society through the eyes of Clare Keating, the Captain's daughter. Status: Ongoing - sporadic updates Word count: 9295 Chapter count: 3 Last updated: 1 March 2024

☆ My Iron Lung ☆

Fandom: Mickey 17 Main pairing: Mickey Barnes x fem!oc Summary: After a rough death, Mickey needs some TLC. Status: Completed Word count: 1,982 Chapter count: 1 Last updated: 17 April 2025

☆ Needy for a Weedy Shy Guy ☆

Fandom: Flight of the Conchords Main pairing: Bret McKenzie x fem!oc Summary: Bret has the post-breakup blues, and Jemaine is convinced he has the perfect solution... Status: Completed Word count: 3,193 Chapter count: 1 Last updated: 3 January 2025

☆ The Reaper ☆

Fandom: Frankenstein (2025) Main pairing: The Creature/Adam/Frankenstein's Monster x fem!oc Summary: After escaping the cruel grasp of his creator, the creature lurks amongst the millstones behind a cottage, watching and protecting the young woman who lives inside. Status: Ongoing Word count: 692 Chapter count: 1 Last updated: 19 November 2025

☆ The Wolf with the Red Roses ☆

Fine gravel sifts under my feet as the foamy brine sloshes around my ankles, cold and clean. Water stretches out before me for miles upon miles, reflecting the sunset. Shh, shh, says the sea. So far above me, the clouds are fluffy pink like fairground cotton candy, cut through by the little shadows of whirling seabirds as they caw, caw, caw and come in to roost. I look to my right. Gary Barkovitch stands there, pants rolled up to the knees, arms crossed as he squints out at the horizon. His hair is a golden freak flag snapping about his face with the breeze. He turns to me and smiles, a soft warm thing full of dimples and crows feet. Oh, I must be home. He moves to me, hand finding my shoulder as he leans down to whisper in my ear.

“Wake the fuck up.”

Night 1 – Mile 57

“Wake the fuck up!” Gary barks, shaking me by the shoulder. I blink my bleary eyes, bringing his grimacing face into focus, thrown in sharp relief by a harsh amber light. “There she is. Wakey, wakey early Birdie.”

“…what? Where… are we?”

“Can’t your feet tell you that?” He scoffs.

“I don’t…”

Gary’s hands are all over me. We’re nose to nose, breathing in the salt air as one being. Lord, let me stay here forever. I part my lips to speak, or maybe to kiss him, but his grip on me tightens as he tips sideways, sending us both crashing into the freezing water at our feet.

“F-fuck!” Icy water drips off my hair, running down the back of my neck along my spine.

“Canteen, 5!” He calls out. “Didn’t I tell you to wake the fuck up? It’s time to fuckin’ tango.”

Awake is an understatement. I am horribly lucid, aware of the pure, splintering agony in my shins. I check my watch. Mile 57, 03:44. I have no idea when I dropped off. Late evening probably. It must have been hours.

“What the fuck?” I gasp, squirming to get away from the cold, wet shirt on my back. “What’s happening?”

“See that up there? That sign?” He points up ahead, there’s a road sign glaring bright in the amber fog-lights.

“I can’t read it.”

“It’s a fuckin’ hill!” He’s giggling maniacally. “Come on! Step into it, brothers! Who wants to race me to the fuckin’ top?”

“Shut the fuck up, you fuckin’ freak!” I hear Collie Parker shout.

“Make me!” Gary snarls. There’s fear in that voice, like a caged animal.

“Come on, Barky!” I holler. He turns to me, grinning. “You wanna dance? Let’s fuckin’ dance.”

I speed up, pushing my screaming muscles to propel me forward. Gary is hot on my heels. I can feel the puffs of his breath on the back of my neck.

“A lot of you are gonna die on this hill,” Comes Stebbins’ militaristic drawl. He marches along with an uncanny mechanical gait, like some kind of unstoppable robot, eyes set fiercely ahead. “Maybe more than half. Happened once, six years ago. Twenty-eight in total.”

The guns start firing, staccato pop, pop, pop like an arrhythmic drum beat under the haunting spoken word poetry of the PA warnings. Someone goes down just ahead of me. I can’t make out who it is, just that he’s about to crash straight into me. Someone grabs me from behind and whisks me out of the way just in time.

“Saved your life!” Gary whoops. “Woo! There we go! Come on, four-eyes!” He turns to Harkness, sneering. “You’re dyin’ tonight! You’re dyin’ tonight!” He dances around, weaving between the walkers until he zeros in on Hank. “Come on, Olson!”

Hank’s in a bad way. He’s stumbling, clutching his ears and screaming with every gunshot.

“Stay with him, Art!” I shout as Baker catches up to him.

There’s warnings coming left and right. I can’t keep track of the numbers through the banging and screaming. Another kid goes down, crumpling into a pile of limbs on the blacktop. Barky grabs my hand and we leap in unison over the body. In spite of it all, I laugh. It’s not a pleasant feeling, but it’s a relief. This could be a game, if I let it.

“Woo! That’s the spirit, baby! You ready to die on this hill, Birdie?”

“No fuckin’ shot!” I tilt my head back and cackle.

“That’s my girl! That’s my fuckin’ girl!”

Harkness starts up behind us, shrieking high and incoherent in distress. I hear bones crunch and the thunk of him hitting the ground.

“Rich!” I try to turn, but Gary yanks me forward.

“Eyes on the prize, baby, eyes on the prize.”

We pick up the pace even further. The pain in my legs is clear and exquisite, lending me much needed clarity of mind. We’ve caught up to Ray. He’s marching along like a man possessed, ruddy cheeks sucking in as he heaves his breath.

“You ain’t gonna fuckin’ make it, Garraty!” Gary sneers. “You’re gonna fuckin’ die tonight, Garraty, I can fuckin’ feel it. You’re gonna fuckin’ die tonight, man.”

“One foot in front of the other, Ray.” I duck around his back to speak to him from the other side. Strangely, it feels like Gary and I are doing the same job. Just keeping him focused. “It’s just like riding a bike.”

“Take your time baby, take your time!” He crows.

“Fuck,” Ray pants, wide eyes set unwavering at the fog-lights up ahead.

“Don’t look behind, Garraty! Got a gun to your fuckin’ head, fucker!”

“You got it, Ray! You got it!”

“I can feel it! You’re gonna fuckin’ give in, aren’t you? Gun to your fuckin’ head, Garraty! Gonna be the last thing you fuckin’ hear, man!”

Pete’s here. Thank God for Pete. He wraps his arm around Ray and urges him forward.

“Come on, Barky!” I duck back around to him, grab him by the hand and yank him up ahead. “Nearly there!”

We run the last stretch of it, hand in hand. I’m aching all over by the time the road starts to plateau, dry heaving against the nausea that sits in my chest. Once I have my breath, I turn to him and bare my teeth. He returns the expression, somewhere between a grin and a grimace. Laughing, I tilt my head to the sliver of moon high above us and howl like a coyote. He bursts into hissing, hiccuping laughter, then joins in.

“OW-OW-OW-AWOOOOOO!” There’s a feeling of fellowship that comes with the sound, the likes of which I’ve never known.

“We made it!” I cry. “We fuckin’ made it!”

“Hey. Hey! Don’t slow down, dumbass!” He chides. “We don’t slow ‘til that fuckin’ hill is far behind us.”

“You’re right, you’re right.” I sigh. “Fuckin’ hurts though, Gary. Can’t you feel it?”

“Course I can.” He smirks. “But I’m not a pussy like you.”

“Shut the fuck up!” I point to him, but I can’t keep the smile off my face. “Hey, Pete! Ray, you okay?”

“We good.” There’s an edge to Pete’s voice.

“What about Art and Hank? Are they safe?”

“Musketeers are all good.”

“Good. Good, Pete.” I sigh. “Thank God above.”

Day 2 – Mile 61

I wake from a dreamless slumber to the morning light filtering over the horizon. There’s an arm around me, holding me close against a warm, soft body. When the sunlight brings me to something resembling life, I lift my head to see that it’s Gary who’s keeping me safe. My own arm is around his waist, fingers tucked into his belt loop as my palm cups the round of his hip. He’s still sleeping, though it’s light and fitful, head drooping to his chest as he huffs out short little breaths. A string of saliva dribbles from his parted lips, collecting on the bandanna around his neck. I reach over my free hand and wipe it away on the fabric. He stirs, eyes opening just a fraction.

“Shh.” I shield his eyes until he dozes back off.

God knows how we managed to keep pace, in a straight line no less. I take a drink from my canteen and look around.

“Fuck!” I yelp.

Pete is right next to me, staring into my eyes with stony indignation. He looks like a wraith in the pale morning light.

“Good morning.” I let out a shaky breath.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Nothing.” I set my teeth and look away. “I’m perfectly fine. How are you? You sound bugged out. Sleepwalking doesn’t suit you, huh?”

“You know what the fuck I’m talking about.”

“Do I?”

“You do. And I can tell you right now, you’re making a big mistake.”

“Oh, shut up you sanctimonious fuck. It’s none of your goddamn business.”

“Of course it’s my business. You’re my friend, and I can see you going down a bad path, Birdie. A path that’s not meant for you.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” I spit.

“Oh, I don’t?” He raises his eyebrow knowingly. “Look, sweetheart, that was a terrible thing that happened with Ewing. A damn shame. But that wasn’t your fault. You and Barkovitch, you… you ain’t the same.”

“You’re wrong. You’re so wrong! How can you say that it’s not my fault, but you put all this shit on him? He never meant for it to happen, and that’s the truth.”

“Maybe not, but it still did!”

“That’s the exact same thing! I never meant to kill Ewing, but it still happened. If you think Gary’s responsible for the Sanders kid, then you can’t tell me I had nothing to do with Ewing. It’s not fair. There’s a thing hanging over me, Pete, and there’s only one person on this God forsaken road that knows how it feels, and that’s Gary.”

I glance at him. He’s shaking his head, eyes squeezed shut as if against some rising dust storm.

“I don’t understand you sometimes, Birdie, I really don’t.” He says, low and soft. “You a good kid. You’re so full of love, but you give it to this hateful piece of shit. Look around you! There’s boys all over the road who’d be honoured to love you how you deserve. Look at Ray. Boy thinks the world of you.”

I look at him up ahead. He’s sagging, head bowed against the weight of it all. I think of his arms around me when Ewing went down, how he held me as I cried. I think of him tripping over himself to shake my hand, freckled cheeks turning red. I think of that crooked-toothed smile, his overflowing kindness, his grand dreams of being the change that might pull us out of this nightmare world. In another life, it could have been him. But Barky is here, and this is not another life. Whether it had to happen this way or not, it was always going to be him.

“No, Pete. He thinks the world of you. I’m just a half-way pretty girl. You got him, even if he can’t see that just yet. The Musketeers got each other-”

“Hey, we got each other. You a part of this, too.”

“I don’t want it! Not if Barky can’t have it too. What has he got? Nothing. He needs me. And I need him. You – all of you – were horrible to him from the second he opened his mouth, and don’t you try to deny it! Just ‘cause he’s a little different! Some people can smell that on a person from miles off and you all descend like bloodhounds! It’s not fair! He didn’t deserve it! Not then. He never stood a chance.”

“So, what? You want out?”

“No! I want in. I just- I-I just want… I want it for him, too. He’s so lonely, he needs-”

“You ever stop to think, maybe we gave him hell ‘cause we just knew what kind of person he is?”

“You don’t know a damn thing. You ain’t gonna hear me, never.” I sigh, running a hand over my face. The exhaustion of this place is unlike anything a human could conceive of. “Just let us alone, ‘fore you wake him up.”

Pete shakes his head, expression pained.

“If that’s what you want, I’ll go, but don’t think you can come runnin’ to us every time he hurts you.”

I swallow hard and shut my eyes so I don’t have to see him go. When I open them again, he’s down there with Ray, saying something in his ear. Ray turns to look back at me. His eyes are haunted, distraught, disappointed. It’s breaking my heart. I force myself to break eye-contact and look up to check on Barky. He’s awake, thousand yard stare set far off down the road.

“You should go with him.” He murmurs, gently untangling himself from my grasp.

“What? Why?”

“He’s right. That son’bitch is right. I’ll only hurt you again, I-I can’t help it. I just… I fuck everything up somehow, it always happens.”

“No. Barky, that’s not true!” Without my arm around him, I’m afraid he might bolt. “You got so much good in you.”

“That don’t matter.” He lays his heavy gaze on me. “I can’t- I-I can’t stay good. It don’t matter how hard I try, it all just… comes apart.”

“It doesn’t have to. Just- just let me help you keep it together.”

His knuckles find his forehead, wringing a circle into his skin.

“No, no… You got somethin’ good with those guys, y’know, man? You got your pack, y’know? You can’t throw it away for me, I-I ain’t worth it.”

“Yes, you are! You got me up that hill last night. That’s gotta be worth a hell of a lot, I mean you saved my life. C’mon, Barky, can’t we be buddies again?”

“Y-you still want to?” I think ‘buddies’ might be his magic word.

“Of course I do. I missed you. I don’t wanna walk with the others if I can’t walk with you too.”

“But… I killed that boy.”

“No, you never.” I sigh. “You listen to me, Barky, you didn’t kill Rank. One of those animals with a carbine did, you hear me? The United States of fuckin’ America did! Okay? It sure wasn’t… well, it wasn’t a kind thing you did, but you sure as shit didn’t kill him.”

The side of his face screws up and his body gives a big shudder.

“You feel that way about yourself?”

I pause, swallowing, grating and dry in my throat. I can’t lie to him.

“No. No, I don’t. Every time I close my eyes, I can see him spittin’ all over the road. It’s eatin’ me up inside.”

“I guess we’re in the same boat, then, huh?”

“I guess we are.” I think for a moment. “It ain’t goddamn fair how they treat you, Barky, it just ain’t fair!”

“H-hey, it ain’t- well it’s just how it’s always been for me. I get off on the wrong foot no matter what I do. No use you gettin’ all worked up over it.”

“It still ain’t fair.”

He huffs. His hand darts out from his side as if to take my hand or tap me on the arm or something, but he pulls away at the last second. I reach for him, wrapping my hand briefly around his wrist. He blushes deeply and looks away. We walk on quietly for a time.

“Y’know, I done a lot of thinkin’ since…” He mutters. “I think I figured out who I am. What I’m meant to do here.”

“What’s that?”

“I’m the heel.”

“What’s that mean? You been talkin’ to Stebbins?”

“No.” He finally cracks a smile. “That guy’s a real freak.”

“Rich comin’ from you.”

“Shut up.” Grinning, he rubs at the five o’clock shadow coming through on his cheek. “Well, anyway, a heel is like… you ever seen a wrestling match?”

“On the TV once.”

“Yeah, yeah, well the heel is like the guy who ev-everyone loves to hate, y’know? He comes out and riles everyone up, and it makes the babyfaces fight that much harder ‘cause it’s not just about winning when you’re up against the heel, y’know? It’s about spite.”

“And you think that’s you?”

“Well, yeah? I mean, what else could I be?”

“And that’s why you were acting up on the hill last night?”

“Mmhm.” He nods. “Mmhm. I figured these boys gotta get up the hill somehow. If I gotta be an asshole to get ‘em there, then that’s what I’ll be.”

“Y’know, Barky…” I murmur. “This isn’t… this is real life. You don’t have to be like that just ‘cause that’s what people expect. You can be so sweet, I’ve seen it.”

“That never got me nowhere.” He shakes his head dismissively. “You said yourself, those guys treated me like dirt from the very start, just-just ‘cause I… I don’t know why. There’s somethin’ about me. It sticks to my clothes like a bad smell. People just… just don’t like me. You’re the first one who ever did.”

“Fuck ‘em.” I decide. “I see you, okay? I hope… well, I hope that’s enough.”

“I can tell you something, can’t I, Birdie?” He looks at me, eyes narrowed in anxiety. “You won’t… you won’t, uh…”

“I won’t.”

“It’s-it’s a scary thing. Can I still tell you?”

“Course you can.” I lean over and poke him on the arm. It makes the corner of his lip turn up, just a tiny bit.

“‘Cause we’re friends?”

“Yeah. ‘Cause we’re friends.”

He takes in a ragged breath, hands flexing at his sides.

“S-sometimes,” He swallows hard, Adam’s apple bobbing with the effort. “Sometimes, I-I hear things. L-like, something telling me to… y’know, t-to do stuff. Bad stuff.”

Oh. Oh, it all makes sense now.

“Like a voice?”

He nods, panting for breath. “Yeah, l-like a voice.”

“You hear it out loud?”

“Uh-huh.” He nods again, more frantic this time. “On-only I can hear it, though.”

“What does it say to you?”

“Uh… well, bad stuff, y’know?” Suddenly, it seems I’ve opened a floodgate inside him. “Tells me I ain’t worth nothin’, tells me I won’t ever do anythin’ good in my life. Tells me to hurt myself. See, see all this?” He rolls up his tank top, showing me his belly, littered with cigarette burns and deep, scratched in scars. “All that, y’know. Tells me to hurt other people, but I never done it, I just done myself, y’know? He put that rock in my shoe, too. I dunno how he did it. Y’know that whole thing with Rank, it-it all started because he told me to do it! He-he said to me, he said ‘Gary you no good son’bitch, you done fucked it up with that pretty girl again, jus’ like you always done! Now you gone have to go find yourself another buddy.’ So, y’know, I just went up the front there and he said if I just fooled with Rank a little bit, it’d make the other guys laugh. Might even make you laugh, and then I’d get myself a pack, y’know? I-I did the same thing to that kid that everyone’s been doin’ to me since baby school.”

He grimaces, lip lifting in self-loathing as he clutches his hair.

“Sounds like some pretty poor advice.” I try to joke with him, but he’s in too deep.

“No, no!” He wrenches his head side to side. “My fault! My fault, I listened to him.”

“Barky, Barky, please.” I reach up and take his wrist. With my touch, his grip on his hair slackens and he lets me take his hand, linking our fingers together. “Don’t do that, my darling.”

He looks at me with those miserable blue eyes all glazed with terror. When he speaks, his voice comes in the first true whisper I’ve heard from him.

“I can hear him now.”

I tighten my grip on his hand. “What’s he saying?”

He shakes his head. “No, no. Can’t… can’t say it.”

“Does he have a name?”

He winces. “Shouldn’t tell you.”

“C’mon,” I rub his arm with my free hand. “Please. You can tell me.”

He bites his lip, turning his horrified gaze back to me. “Pops.”

“He’s your dad?”

“Uh-huh. H-he’s s’posed to be on death row, but… I-I guess he got out, f-follows me around.”

I sigh and grit my teeth. I’m about to look like a fool, but I don’t care. Gary needs me.

“Mr Barkovitch?” I call out. “Mr Barkovitch, I know you can hear me.” Though he still looks terrified, Gary laughs a little. “You leave my buddy alone, you hear me? He’s a good boy. He’s sweet and he’s kind, and he never done a thing to deserve this. Now, you let him be or there’ll be hell to pay.”

“You can’t hurt him.” He looks torn between amusement and misery. “He doesn’t hurt like other people.”

“Well, damn it, I’ll find out a way! Okay? We’re buddies.” I squeeze his hand in emphasis. “You scratch my back, I scratch yours, right? I won’t let nothin’ hurt you, Barky. I swear.”

“I love you!” He blurts out.

For a moment, I’m stunned. I suppose I should have seen it coming. This place, the mortality that hangs over us, it makes everything happen so much quicker. I can’t remember what it was like when I didn’t know Gary Barkovitch. I only know that I missed him with all my soul.

“Me too. I love you too, Gary.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“I do!”

His free hand flies to his face, rapping his knuckles again and again on his brow.

“He says you don’t m-mean it.”

I think for a moment. Oh, fuck it.

“You clean on warnings?”

“Wh-what?” He checks his watch. “Y-yeah, I am.”

“You wanna get one with me?”

“Huh? What for?”

“Do you trust me?”

He nods. “With everything I got.”

“Good. Come here to me.”

I stop him short and crush his sweet lips to mine. I haven’t kissed anyone since I was a vagrant teenager, and I can tell he’s never done it before. His mouth works clumsily against mine, all sloppy and wet, but he’s soft and gentle too. I have to prize him off me when I hear the second warning. Collie whistles low as he walks on by.

“You got enough sugar to go ‘round, Miss Tucker?” Stebbins croons. For once, Barky is too blissed out to take the bait.

“You still hear him?” I ask.

“Nuh-uh.” He beams. “Can we do that again?”

“Not for two hours.” I giggle.

“Shit! This is boutta be the longest two hours of my life!”

“Mine too.” I snuggle my face into his side, breathing in the smell of him.

“Y’know, I coulda got my ticket just now and I wouldn’t’ve minded none, if it meant I got to kiss you a little longer.”