Dear Nim

Dear NIm, Well ,to break the awkward silence, we (as in Margo and I) are in the back of her dads truck. Right now we are getting a HUGE down poour. It’s HORRIFID I’m going to fill you ip up to now... 12:59 AM

WEDNESDAY JULY 14, 2010 DEAR NIM,

I’m sorry I left you in the dark! Let me get on with my story. 

So the first day here was great!! We set up camp,went swimming, and atee! Otherwise the first night Margo was really grumpy, but, Andela and I didn’t go to bed untill 3 maybe a bit later. We got up had breakfast the next day. Then we went swimming all day. OH yeah and each night Carol and John make up 3 games for us. First night, make over Carol and Sarah and the third jello express. They were pretty fun. The second day had the game was frozen t shirts (I HATE) that game! the second game was a water game, the third water ballon volley ball. (Don’t ask) TOnights fames were..oh wait, I’m not there yet.. anywho... we all went to bed around 11 liast night. we woke up thismorning to an overcast sky. We ate did our bible lesson, went swimming, and then kayaking. 

While kayaking we saw some cliff divers and wondered who they were. On the way back we checked. Dylan was there along with many others. My heart stopped. I beggan to cry. Everything rushed into my mind all at once. I was a wreck. I hated it. Well anyway, after kayaking we went swimming again. After that a shower, cleaning, and then Carols games. First, the figure out waht’s in the pucj game. Then the dressup game which tool a long time1 After that we discovered it. our tent (aka the tank) was quickly filling with water. (Oe was raining since11:15 AM which was before carol.) I yelled. “Margo, Ange, it has water in it!” they ran and we got all the sruff we could, Sarah cleaned out the back of chuck’s car and we planned on sleeping there. Turnsout Amber & Emily, Mitchel, Michel, and Brooke all left, and when they all left it’s only Margo, Angela, Me, Greg, Sarah, Bonnie, Nate, Amber, and Luke! Margo, Angela, and I are in the back of chuck’s car wits some of our stuff everyone else is crammed ina wee little tent under a smell canopy. :( I feel bad for them. Any way we all go up a little before 12, made a b-room run and ate baocn, and tosted pb & J (yumm) Now we are all in bed getting to sleep. 

Well Nim, I promise I’ll keep you dry. Goodnight. 

(1:113 AM)

Dear Nim, 

I’m at camp with Angela & Margo. we have had a great day. tomorrow is promising I’m actually Nim I’m going to wright tomorrow. I love you. 

Dear Nim, 

Today has been a great day other then tonight. To start off, I CRIED and I’m so happy! You see my heart has 3 holes punched through it. Here is an example.

*insert drawing of heart with three different sized holes it it*

The small hole was caused by Dan, he still doesn’t quite grasp the fact that I’m fragile and need time to heal. The medium sized hole is from Jake. He and I always had a thing for each other but never told told either one of us. So... it’s kinda from both of us. The large one is from Dylan. Never in my life, have I ever, felt for someone, the way I did for him. He hurt me in a way that can’t be described. So, in conclusion of all of this, I had to learn to be tough. I haven’t cried since April 3rd the day Dylan murdered me. The day I couldn’t come up with the words. The day I became depressed. The whole  reason why I started dateing Dan is one: he can help me emotionally. Two:no one deserves such an amazing guy more than me. Three: he loves me. That doesn’t happen often ever. So tonight, I cried for the first time, in almost 4 months. Thanks to the book Kissed By An Angel. Tristen dies. This girl named Ivy. She’s like me. Unpopuar, and in a confused life. The most popular boy in school falls in lover for her. It’s kinda like Dan and me except Tristen dies. It made me think of how I’ve been hurt so many times, and finally cried. 

Nim, I want love. I want it to wrap me up at night and keep me safe. I need love to come into my life, and sweep me of my feet so , I can’t feel pain, and can’t hurt, or cry about sad or mad things. Nim I want somebody to understand me and love me and craddel me. Oh nim, what are we going to do?! Well camp tomorrow if that helps raise the mood/. haha 13 days! we are really close now! 

Well Nim, it’s now 1:11 AM , Bed is necessary. I love you Nim. 

a tear means love or possien

Dear Nim, 

It’s been a long day. Shelly came over and we watched “House” all day. Mom came home and Margo came over. we almost made it to the movies but a flash flood stopped us. We get to go to camp Sunday Nim! We are going to the trinity Church Camp’s trip down at Weavers Falls. I’m going to sign up for concelur this year! Were in charge now! haha lol!! Dan is ad though. He keeps sayin’ you leave me on Sunday come back for 9 and 1/2 days then leave me for BERMUDA for a week come back for a week and leave for ANOTHER week! I was like...

I’m sorry hunny! But, this is allready planned! He said sadface! I felt really bad! Anyway, I have a feeling that this winter I am going to be very very VERY depressed. I love warm weather, and the beach, not freezing temps and snow! Only good thing about the white shit is skiing! I’m going to try to get Dan to join but that’s a work in progress... well NIm I’m going to catch some shuteye, goodnight!

Dear Nim, Today I’m going to try cursive. So fare warning! Today Lora and I went to the movies, Hoss’s and a few other places with Loras Mom Lisa, and Lisa’s boyfriend Dave. I got home today around 6 and took a 2 hour nap. After that I got up and ate a salad Lora brought me to make and some Lipton mac and cheese. After that I went up to my room. Tomorrow, Shelly will be here and we will most likely do nothing. TEEHEE! I can’t wait to go to BERMUDA!   IT’S GOING TO BE AMAZING!!!

I’m finally got to start...to learn about my home! Well my someday home sorta thing. haha! I haven’t been painting much lately. I really need too get going: well my dear Nim, I belive I’m going to go to bed. I’’ wright more tomorrow! I love you!

ps: my pap is sick, please pray

ps: I love dan! 

Dear NIm, 

Sorry I ahven’t talked to you in a while but things have been hectic! Anyway, Dan & I got together and I’m soooo! happy! I’ve been working on my handwriting so if it changes, my appologizes! (I’m appologizing because it might get sloppy) I’m going to try diffrent signatures throughout my entries until I find the right one. Nim, I want to cry! A lot! I miss crying. I just don’t anymore! I can’t wait unill I do! Anyway, I’m here with Lora tonight, I asked her to make me cry. She was likee “you give me the weirdest quests!” 

I’m going to start doodling for you to. I’ll talk to you later: goodnight/morning NIM!

Katie + Dan = AGAPE (which means love in modern day Greek)

Hi Nim,

Boy am I glad to be talking to you! I can’t wait to spill! ok, I’ve had some bad times in the past. I used to cut myself. I have a huge scare on my hand. Like this. *insert really sad drawing of the scar i created on my hand*

But Dan is stopping me. He helps alot.  I haven’t cut myself for about a month and a half or so... Well NIm, I’, so happy I can’t think! I’ll talk to you later. Goodnight Nim, 

Dear Nim, 

well right now we (Lora and I)can’t get to sleep thanks to NILLA! COKE! When will the hangover ome?! Right now WE are telling each other our dreams about Dan. Ever since I started likeing Dan she all of asoddenly is “IN LOVE” with “MY” !DAN! grrr... Anyway, the suns coming up if that helps for time wise?! lol!! (Lora is going insane)

Geez, wait ‘till Dan hears about all of !this! He is going to laugh his ass off! Have I mentioned...

VANILA COKE?

It’s now daylight...

holy shit.

Dear Nim,  Do you like you’r new name? I hope you do! N: stands for nocturnal because I’m a night owl. I: stands for imajination. (you need that to make it through my life) (So I’ll give you some)  * insert drawing of smiling square called imagination*

M: stands for Marine because I love everything marine-ey 

Anyway, right now I feel like tearing Cole apart

*insert drawing of stick figure dead* Back to my love life topic. Like I said his name is Daniel but I call him Dan. (he’s pretty amazing)

I can’t even think of a word that describes him & I. He’s taller then me, (no surprise, I’m 13 and only 4.8 or so) he’s sweet, amazing...and PERFECT. Really, REALLY HOTT

For awhile we dated but COLE RUINED EVERYTHING!! Cole got jealous!!

I’m tiered goodnight Nim, 

Dear Diary, 

Let me start of by saying hi! So, “hi”! Tonight I’m at Loras for a sleepover. She’s the one who talked me into a diary. Right now I’m single but I don’t think that will last long. There is a long story behind my love life. I’ll start off with 3rd grade. I was in LOVE with this on guy his name was Jacob. TO tell you the truth I still have feelings for him but he moved in 3rd grade and I never got to tell him. (I haven’t seen him since either) I’m going to skip to 6th grade summer. At band camp I met a guy named Dylan. I was just as if not more in love with him as I was Jake. Well it’s been almost a year now and I hate him. He all of asudden said “I can’t love anymore” I was heart broken for months.  (I’m crying now)

But, now I have a very special person in my life. I look at him as if he was tristen in my book I’m reading...I Love him!

write later

My little conversation with Dylan. OK it’s pretty pathetic but this made my heart melt! ( ) = Me   ___ = Dylan

Kaite, Kaite,  (Huh, oh hi Dyaln) Are you going to lunch now? (Yeah we are having salad today so I’m in luck.)

Hah I’m going to accounting. (That sucks)

Well, seeyah

(Bye) *swoon* As quickly as it all started it ended. 

- 12 years old

Shit! It’s what I deal with! I love him! I admitt it ! THat’s why I want to be in every part of his life possible. This includes his friends, girlfriend, family, school, work, band, music, clubs, everything possible. My heart has been broken to many times for it to happen again. Not that I care that much, but it’s a bit akward to be in love with an 11th grader. Next year is my last year with him! So fuck this! I need reashurence that he at least likes me. 

I will continue my love for you untill my last breath, taking in air as needed. You may make my heart skip, this giving you permission to prisue, hopeing you will come around and relize what I should be to you, but sadly age has made a diffrence and you have found another, but I give you my word you’r eternaly in my heart. 

What do I do if I love someone’s boyfriend?! I don’t know, but it’s driving me INSANE! I don’t talk to him for 2 days and can’t think about anything eles! I haven’t dreamed of anything eles for quite awhile. Love is nice when you can express if freely but keeping it to yourself can kill a person!

I’m in denile I’m in destress

I need help out of this big mess

Thought I was over it

ThoughtI wasn’t depressed 

Turns out it was all of the rest

A dream means something

Not just for fun

But today I now know

You are the one.