dearest jonghyun,

I also hope everyone is doing well ♥️

Hi my love. I apologize for such a late response to this. I know exactly what you mean. Every time I watch something with him in it, or listen to music that I can hear his voice I feel so at ease and comforted. I agree that the impact he has even though he is no longer with us, is remarkable. I'm so glad you can find comfort through him!

i wore an aqua pearl sweater today without even realizing it..... my dove you truly are the sneakiest! thank you for showing me, and many others today, that you are still very much with us.

happiest of birthdays my dearest dove. you deserve the rest you’re getting. i just hope you’re getting a cake to the face in heaven! it’s been months since you’ve gone home and i miss you so terribly. there are no words to describe the empty feeling i get when i miss you most, but just know that, today, your beauty and grace shine brighter than ever.

im stuck with everything reminding me of you. this is neither bad nor good, i just desperately wish it didn’t hurt.

I want you to know there is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of you. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about your laugh, your smile. Not a damn day goes by that I don’t miss you.

it’s been a while since I’ve written you last. It feels a bit silly now. I know I promised to fill you in on what is going on in my life, but i haven’t had the strength to even do anything with it..... I haven’t written lately because I’m ashamed of the person I’ve become. ignoring myself and my responsibilities. im just so exhausted with myself and my life.

My birthday has just passed and I wanted to let you know that it is because of you I was able to be happier today than any other day. I was able to smile, laugh and cry today without a trace of sadness. It’s the happiest I’ve been in years, but now that it’s over the feeling has gone along with it and I am back where I was before. Ahhh what to do, dove?

i wish you would have taken me home with you.... every passing day just gets more difficult and I’m not doing very well handling my emotions.... I thought it was getting better, but it’s the calm before the storm I suppose, right dove?

the hardest part of this whole process is watching everyone break down all over again. at the same time. unable to deal with it. this is the impact your life has left, dove. you are forever so deeply loved.

Thank you for your support, dearest. My inbox and messages are always open for your thoughts as well 💕