If you ever take the time to look at where you are versus where you started, your list of “thank you’s”would be endless!! More things have happened TO us, AROUNG us and IN us than we realize...and I am thankful, humbled and grateful to be on the other side. Happy Thanksgiving from me to YOU!!! ;-)

Sitting here thinking, “What is normal?!”

Can anybody out there tell me?

By definition, I think no one really cares (or at least want to appear that way)…

But if asked, we can all agree that we each know it differently, based on various reasoning.

Sitting here reminiscing, “The normal I knew consisted of 2 parents, 1 house…”

Your normal is your normal. My normal is (well, was) my normal…then I met divorce.

I’ve gotten so far from normal that even a name-tag wouldn’t help me recognize it.

Thanks, divorce.

If you’re wondering if this is going to be a bitter post…I don’t think it is, well…at least in my mind it doesn’t read like a bitter person but hopefully like a person who overcame events that cause bitterness (…by the end).

Ummm…

So, I have never been married but my parents were (yep, past tense) for 21 years (and a few months)…that’s why/how my normal was stolen by divorce. If it is without my permission, it’s being, has been and is stolen. And if you’re determined to not understand that…this post probably isn’t for you, and I’m okay with that.

However for the people catching what I’m throwing…

My grown kids of divorce out there…

Divorce straight up robbed us…mentally/emotionally, if you look back and think about it, then think about your life, now.

Visualize it.

Be mad, be bitter, angry, attempt to call or text someone, put the phone down, take a deep breath (or two), and pause.

10 years (and some change) ago when it was made official, I didn’t realize how much and how deep I was affected by my parents’ divorce. If someone had asked me was their divorce the end of my world, I would have said no, it is only the beginning, as if I was the one married and now, happily single.

But the reality is that it was the end of MY world.

Parents don’t just divorce the other parent. They separate themselves from their family. Divorce marks the end, and what’s sad is sometimes people don’t realize what all divorce marks the end of beyond marriage.

When our mom and dad started to rebuild, so did we.

Whether we like it or not, to lose is to gain, and sometimes the best thing we can gain is perspective.

Divorce stole your/our/my normal.

And as much as I can be bitter about it after the fact and bring plenty of drama to a situation…years later while writing/experiencing Dear Divorce, Thank You (Even Though I Hate You)… I recognized why/how I reacted to certain things and what I had yet to let go of. Sometimes we rebuild and don’t know it and start rebuilding with the same broken pieces.

The thing is, divorce IS the end, it marks the period of letting go of what was and the time to stop building on the normal we always knew because it is gone, and start RE-building.

I do admit it’s hard because now our thinking has seen failure (even if we refuse to call it that) but to ignore it is to ignore our circumstances.

If you do ignore and keep attempting to build when it’s time to rebuild, you might find yourself looking for things in people that they can’t give you because you never came to terms with what your parents did or didn’t give you.

…Attempting to make your present pay for your parents’ past decisions, through other people and/or bitterness sounds like a recipe for crazy to me, which I’m game for…just not on that level.

Divorce stole my normal, forced me to rebuild, made me push till I had a breakthrough, and know my worth and what I deserve beyond what I’ve experienced or watched my parents experience.

To lose is to gain, and sometimes the best thing we can gain is perspective.

We may have lost the oneness of our family but we still have our DNA (something no paperwork and attorney fees can erase) and we gained understanding that people who can’t relate, don’t have.

If you think about it…having SOME things stolen, doesn’t have to be that bad…right?

…A Journey of Hate, Healing and Understanding, rebuilding after divorce steals your normal…

My experience. My journey.