Dear Body, you suck.

Dear Body,

We are officially two weeks into this new chapter, and it’s actually going well. For me, it seems like I need a trigger and the set determination to get into a successful weight loss program. It’s like it clicked, and I’m here for it. I had one almost/kinda cheat night with some sushi, but I didn’t go whole hog, and stayed to the fresh fish side of the stick....y rice. We’ve done gym trips at 6 am on both days of the weekend, I’ll be bumping the amount of gym visits to 4 soon, when I can actually get someone to hang out with the baby while I do. I’m using a new gym because it’s cheap and the last one I worked there so it was free, lol. It’s a nice new gym, but getting to know the dynamics of social work out situations can be difficult, like what to do when someone bogarts all the cross trainer handles. But otherwise, it’s been good.

I weighed myself and I’m down 9lbs. in less than two weeks. I’m sure there were just normal weight fluctuations, the different time of day, the lack of clothes, ect. but maybe it’s just starting. Somewhere in those 9lbs are the pounds lost from hard work and lack of bread. So, it’s okay.

I miss you bread.

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Dear Body,

Spoiler Alert: We didn’t get to it.

I wrote this long post with excuses as to why we haven’t worked out, or ate well, or lost weight, but it doesn’t matter. Life is what you make it, and I’m going to make mine better.

August 6th I had my first check up after my surgery. The surgery itself went fine, and I still have my other, very small, ovary...for now. Recovery hasn’t been great, and there’s now a random fibroid I DID NOT INVITE TO THIS UTERUS PARTY - which isn’t helping. 

But, as with all visits to the ol’ doctor, I had to weigh myself. I am only 5 pounds off my tippy top preggo weight which SUCKS. I think that’s really why they weigh you, to force you to look at your fat and get going on fixing that.

So. I’ve been eating well for the rest of the week. I’ve avoided bread like the siren it is, and made smaller portions. I don’t drink soda, can easily go back to drinking black coffee, and haven’t had fast food or beef in nearly 8 years. So, I’m limiting grains and eventually some dairy, as that bitch has my number.

We’re starting the gym tomorrow at 6am, Body.

Love, 

Dear Body,

Today we finished breastfeeding our baby, and though it was a bonding experience, I can’t say I really enjoyed it. You apparently hold onto all weight while breastfeeding, and even let me gain a few extra, because why not? We’ll, today ends all that. I have surgery at the end of the month to remove the danger will Robinson ovary (which has a new cyst on it apparently) so I decided to end breastfeeding at 7 months because I don’t want to pump and dump for a couple weeks and try to take care of her while super medicated. I know the recommendation is to at least bf for a year but I can’t. And honestly, I just didn’t feel the same crazy bond other moms felt while breastfeeding. I cracked and bled and there were blisters on my nipples, and I was stuck on a boob schedule that made it hard to go anywhere. Worst of all, was the guilt that I couldn’t produce enough for my child. I’m really glad to be done.

Now, I can get back to my diet. And slowly get back to exercise. Today though, I did my strict protein forward diet and OMG WE ARE HUNGRY. I forgot the 2 hours after my dinner hanger. Ugh. This won’t be easy, but now that I know I can do this successfully, I’m not really worried. I love food, but I love being healthy more. I’ll do a weigh in tomorrow to get the damage and hopefully this won’t take me a year to complete. I’m aiming for the 160. If we can do that I will be extremely happy.

Time to get on it, bod.

Love,

Dear Body,

We changed our objective, and in doing so, I haven’t been strict on the diet thing, have been slack on the exercise, and so I’ve gained a bit of weight back. Not a ton, but enough to make me go up a half a size. I also think me stressing about getting pregnant is not helping my being able to get pregnant. SO! I’m going to distract myself with DIET AND EXERCISE! I’ve been at it for a couple weeks now, and feel....overall just better. I somehow forgot how good it feels to work out. Although, I’m so out of the game that I have had to start small and ramp up to what was my usual workout, but I’m getting there. Every part of my body is in various stages of sore, but it’s okay, because I feel better. 

I didn’t know how much we would miss it, Body. I’m sorry, had I known, I would have made much more effort. 

Although now I live a block away from delicious pizza. That will be trouble.

Dear God, that will be trouble.

Love,

First check up done! And everything is okay!

Not having another check up for 6 months as my chance of reoccurrence is so low (10%).

Off to play some games with the mister <3

love,

Dear Body, 

 New Costume, new you! Well, except the boots and cowl. This day was even better than the last convention, we were stopped for pictures at least once every 2 minutes. Some lovely people told me I looked exactly like Babs which I can't even begin to tell you how much that means. 

 We've been through a lot since last being Batgirl, and being her feels more important now because of it. We will continue to work on the weight loss, and staying healthy. It's been my first 4 months since my stupid tumor was removed along with it's dicksneeze cancer, and today I scheduled the first check up. I definitely needed this weekend and the awesomeness of being Batgirl to pregame my appointment. 

Dear Body,

Today we’re off to another con in our dear city. The costume looks better than the last and it should be fun. I feel nervous, partially because I think you are a bit different now, I’ve been working more on strength rather than trying to be slim, I’m worried it might show. But really, who’s that for? I shouldn’t feel nervous. I’m making you strong for our future, rather than looking hot. I don’t think I’ve gained weight since before surgery. I’m rocking a solid 160 and I’m okay with it. I thought maybe I could get down to 150 by today, but alas, once you start doing stupid upsidedown crunches, and less cardio, it starts to take affect. 

I’m also worried after this weekend that it’s time for my first check up since diagnosis. I’m afraid my cancer is a dick and will be back already. Is this how it’s going to be every 4 months for the next 2.5 years? Ugh.

Anyways. Today will be awesome. Be positive, Body. We need it.

Oy, it’s been a while Body.

We passed the year mark of this journey without so much as a pound lost since my last check. I’ve worked my butt off, working out near everyday, I did up my calorie intake and given myself some more leniency since the health issues, so I might be eating too much to lose anything. I have been working with weights more and doing a lot of ab work and I can feel them starting to take shape...under the layer of flub that is ever present on my stomach. In the long run, I feel stronger, I just haven’t had progress in the weight loss. I’d still like to lose 10 more pounds, maybe I can achieve that by November.

Speaking of November! We’re going to Disneyland! This year has been a rollercoaster and my family needs a vacation. Disneyland is my favorite, favorite place. It’s also the place that the pictures taken of me last time were a catalyst to my journey in the first place. Nothing like unflattering candids to make you lose 36 pounds. 

I’ll be better about writing to you, Body. I can’t lose my way. 

Love,

For a year we were abstinent, watching everyone else around us eat it. Casually sniffing the air around it to try and taste the molecules. We remembered what it felt like to eat the tasty dough and cheese and endless toppings. We savored those memories and that helped us keep the urge at bay. We survived a full year without the delicious experience of pizza.

Friday, we went and had new, delicious, and fancy pizza. It had glorious marinated veggies and an awesome cornmeal crust. It was worth every. bite. It won’t be part of my regular diet, and maybe I can go another whole year without it, but after everything we’ve been through, life is too short to eat kale.

Because kale is fucking gross.

Fuck kale.

My advice to my followers is this: Work out, work your butt off (or up, what ever you’re going for with your bod.), eat whole fresh foods, and try to avoid those delicious bastards that got you into whatever situation you are in today. -BUT- life is short, don’t exclude yourself from fantastic foods once and a while. Find your love of life and don’t let the fear of calories keep you from it.

Love,

So Brain and I had a little incident yesterday at the gym, and as a result, I’m sorry I’ve been callous to you lately. The OLD ASS scale kept saying we were gaining and losing like 2 pounds constantly, so I miiiight have gone a little crazy and loaded the scale with an entire rack of weights to see what the mother fucker made of that. 

Twas 3 pounds off! 

Suck it scale, you bag of dicks!

....I need to buy my own digital scale pronto.

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