Do You Truly Love The One You’re With?

February 3, 2018

How many times have we said those three words? Some people may actually mean it whereas others say it out of convenience. Yes, I know…it’s sad, but true. We either love wholeheartedly or half ass! The shit that pisses me off most is to hear someone say I love you, yet they cheat and their rebuttal when caught is, “Oh, it didn’t mean anything. It was just sex.”

Seriously? You have to think: What the F@*% man!! This is absolutely BS! People say this when love is based on convenience. Their “love” either offers a place to stay, money in their pocket, or my favorite…security of knowing they never have to be alone. Men and women both are guilty as charged of treating a partner this way.

Is it a flaw in our DNA or just pure selfishness? To hurt the one you love is not love, so why do we continue to do it or put up with this type of behavior one might inquire. Personally, it seems to be a barrage of, I’ll fuck you before I let you fuck me over. Why is this, because so many of us currently in a relationship or contemplating starting one, may have been abused emotionally or physically and the trust is just so hard to re-establish?    

It’s no secret, once trust is broken, there is no easy way to regain what has been violated. Trust is a key component to a strong healthy stable relationship. However, there is hope for all of us. Love can reign, and we can learn to trust the love of another without thoughts of them being dishonest. If you allow time to serve its purpose, brokenness can be restored. Eventually, not only will you be able to say I love you, but you will actually mean it. Don’t be mistaken, partner faithfulness is earned it’s not a given. What you do has greater meaning than what you say. By using your actions instead of your words they will not only know, but feel loved by you!

Valentine’s Day is in a couple of weeks. It’s just a holiday so don’t let the commercial aspect overwhelm the day. If you truly are in love with the one you are with, then share yourself in a way that shows them without even saying a word. Valentine’s Day can be grandiose without emptying pockets, unless that’s how you roll 24/7. REGARDLESS, love can be sentimental without being overly dramatic.

Has someone told you “I love you” yet their actions show otherwise?

Dear238.com Tip: Love’s only cost is loyalty. One that many hope for, but few will ever experience.

Online Dating Lies

We judge people so quickly based on how they look, speak, or dress. Assuming all extroverts live fearlessly while surfing through crowds when secretly they may be shaking like a nervous Chihuahua inside. On the other hand, a person who is quiet and rarely interacts with others might be misconstrued as shy, snobbish, or weird.  We never know what someone is thinking or feeling so give a person a break before judging.

There are many reasons we try online dating, but I think the anonymity of it is a big draw for many.  For those of us that may be shy or unsure of our “game” it’s easier to “talk” to people online. We become whomever we wish. The thing is, we need to remember that we are trying to make real connections with real people, and this cannot be done if we’re not being honest with the person on the other end of the computer screen.  Yes, we may be more vocal, use wording that we don’t typically use and that’s okay. However, DON’T lie about your looks by using a (fake picture), age (reporting you are 10-20 years younger), weight or anything else.

This blog has discussed the importance of taking things slow and getting to know one another through a series of questions. Our book Online Dating: 238 Questions - Getting to Know Someone (https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06X94C5T4) may help you with this.  For those of us who feel more comfortable behind a computer screen this is easier but be truthful. How do you expect a relationship to work if it begins with lies? I watch the MTV show Catfish every week. Rarely are the people genuinely who they say they are. Their feelings may have been meant with good intentions, but they lied about who they were.  One episode, in particular, that comes to mind involves a couple that dated for three years yet never met.  He ended up being a rich man, living in a huge house with fancy cars.  Side note – the guy was a complete asshole! My point is, if I’m talking to you, sharing my thoughts and feeling, getting close to you, and I find out you’ve been lying to me the entire time… I don’t care if you have money, fancy cars, a mansion and look like a model … I don’t care if your feelings were true… the bottom line is - you lied, and I’m done. I love this show but do not understand why people can’t grasp this concept!

Are you honest on these dating sites?

Dear238 Quick Tip: It is hard to put yourself out there but even harder to start a relationship based on lies.