Sonofabitch

What's a girl gotta do for a little fun in this damn town?

I think you just took 'high maintence' to a whole new level.

Some elderly woman

Cute.

Oh relax, skippy.  A deal was made here and there and then bing bang boom, next thing you know, heaven’s sealed.  And I’m fairly confident that even the great Winchester duo won’t be able to put a stop to it and save the world last minute, so you may as well just enjoy what little time you have while it lasts, yeah?

Deals. How does that - what demon has that kind of juice?  S'never been the Winchester way and I'm not gonna start now, doll. But thanks for the pep talk. 

Sorry, your three seconds are up.  Now move.

No. One more chance.

Or I could do something uncharacteristic for me and give you until the count of three.

Well, since I have time, then... who locked heaven's doors and why?

If you wish to keep your spine in one piece then I suggest you move out of my way.

How 'bout ya make me?

Dean…-Mila hated that he was trying to make a joke out of this, but what she hated more was that she understood why he was; You never could have known what Klaus would have compelled you to do. You may have willingly been compelled, but it’s Klaus, and from what I’ve heard the guy’s a loose canon. It’s different from me and Sam, but…that won’t really matter to the people who really care about you. So, no. I’m not going to judge you because I know what it feels like to blame yourself for something you had a hand in making happen. I may not have asked to be compelled, but I didn’t help my case any. -fixes her eyes on the road, but listens as Dean speaks; You don’t…have to tell me, Dean. Not if you don’t want to. -but then he was talking again and…hoooly shit. Mila pulled the truck over yet again, this time shutting it off completely; Jesus…-her eyes were wide, at a loss for words; I don’t…I don’t know…what to say. -swallows thickly, reaching over and placing a hand on Dean’s arm; I’m sorry. I know that doesn’t change anything or make you feel any better, but I am. This…You should have never even been in that situation where you felt like that was your only option. Klaus never should have taken his anger out on you. But what you did wasn’t you. That was Klaus controlling you. The real you wouldn’t do that, Dean. Hold on to that because beating yourself up like this…it’ll drive you crazy. And I need you sane so you can help fix up Norman here when he decides to break down. Got it?

I didn't think about that part - the knowing how it felt to have a hand in what awful thing happened to you part - that was a good point; I do. Have to tell you. Otherwise it isn't real. -wasn't really surprised by the truck pulling off again, but kept his eyes focused on a point outside the windshield; afraid blinking would set off a chain reaction; There really isn't anything to say. -jerks slightly at the touch, shocked eyes flicking from her hand back up to hers; What are you - you're sorry? -listens in stunned disbelief; Does it matter? Real me, compelled me - I still did it. How do I just shrug it off and say well you didn't really do it so it's totally ok, Dean. Don't worry about the kids you took from parents or parents you took from kids- it was Klaus' fault. Not yours. I can't. I don't know how to. -looks away, trying to hide the tears that wanted to roll down his cheeks; I appreciate your words, Mila. I do. But I think I need a little more time before I can pull myself together enough to function. Andi's been staying with me. Which...helps. When I'm not convinced I'm going to get her killed too. Rachel's the only one I haven't told yet.

Yes. Defensive. -sighs, rubbing her hands up and down her face; Dean, no one wants to fix you! Just like I don’t want anyone to fix me, because we can’t. You can only see and do so many horrific things that break you until you can’t be put back together. Yeah. People may be disappointed at first but they’ll forgive you. We can handle it, Dean. -shakes her head; You’re kidding right? You’ve seen both me and my sister at our lowest points. And Sam’s. Why would any of us judge you for that? I don’t want to do anything about it! I know I can’t! No, there is no manual, you’re right, but…what kind of friend would I be if I didn’t try to help you through it? I don’t need steps, Dean. -nods; Yeah, I do. At least I feel like I do. I’m not gonna sugar coat this shit for you Dean. Sorry, but…-she shrugged; Dean…-she sighed, looking down at her hands; I’m sorry. I know…how much that sucks. Doing something you know you have no control over. You know it wasn’t you…but it was. Physically anyway. -bites her lower lip, putting the car back into drive and pulling back onto the road;

Nobody wants to fix me? M'not sure if I'm surprised or offended by that. -tries to smile; What if I'm the one who can't handle it? What if I can't stand what'll inevitably change? Because your lowest points and Sam's - you guys didn't ask for it. I freakin' waltzed right up there. It was entirely my fault. Why wouldn't you judge me for that? -watches her reaction for a moment, feeling guilty that he sugar coated; Mila....-glances away at the truck starts up, that was a pretty clear conversation over signal; You should know what I did before you decide to absolve me. Or whatever. -pauses, trying to find the words to say and coming up blank; I guess Kat was part of something that resulted in Caroline being hurt? And he was angry. Angry enough to slaughter a town. So he uh, made me his anger. Sent me out with explicit instructions to show no mercy to anyone. And not to stop until he said so. I tried everything. Closing my eyes, covering my ears, lying in the freakin' grass, I couldn't stop myself. Even now I don't think I'm remembering everything simply because it'd break my brain to recall it all. It was just... bad. Literally worse than hell. Those people did nothing wrong other than be in the wrong place at the wrong time. And I don't know how to come back from that. I don't - Sam's stuck with me. So I get why he can not turn his back on me, but the rest of you? I don't deserve it. That's why I was trying to push you away.

I know. I know all of that and I’m in, don’t think you can’t count on me but out’s just all so, excuse the pun, hairy. I dunno man. I don’t fucking know. I told Sam I would meet up with him sometime soon and we’d get some research banged out.

Sweet. I hate research. I'll work on making the wolfsbane bullets and you guys can just tell me where to aim 'em. Sounds like a good plan. And I know it's - complicated. But we aren't going after Hayley and Rachel. And Mila in her own way cares about some of the vampires in this town too. She won't hold it against you if you go around killing off rogue members of the pack that stole her sister. Hopefully.

A small smile tugged at her lips at his words. He’d said them, there was no going back from here. Just as she’d promised to tell him when things made her uncomfortable she hoped he would continue to share with her, instead of trying his best to push her out of his life. Because in all honestly this was the only place she felt she really belonged. She didn’t doubt anything he told her, a single move he made. Everything he did was for a reason, some form of purpose. She could look him in his eye and determine whether or not he was being real, where as with God she’d never even heard his voice let alone seen him. Nor had she really spoken when an Angel that had. Perhaps it wasn’t only Dean’s scars that ran deep. Her own doubts were starting to eat at her. But it wasn’t something she dare voice. Not even to him. Shaking off her thoughts she looked up at him and shook her head slightly. “Trust me, neither do I. I like it right where I am.” Though distraction hadn’t been her main focus when the conversation began she was glad to take his mind off of the horrors currently playing through it. Eventually they would have to speak of it, all of it, but for the moment she wanted to give him peace. Allow him to come to terms with what was done before having to repeat it aloud. She gasped dramatically at his confession. “Hm, I don’t know Dean. Funnel cake is the deal breaker… But for you I guess I could settle for fries.” Her smile softened at his touch, leaning into his palm her gaze warmed. How many times could he possibly terrify her, she’d thought she would never again feel this. The touch of his calloused fingers against her cheek. The brush of soft sweet kisses. If she thought for a moment that she would get away with it, she’d shove him again just for scaring her.  ”I’m glad you did too Dean, just don’t - don’t push me away. Okay?” Her gaze stayed on his as he continued, she shook her head slowly. “You don’t have to thank me.” She replied softly, gripping his wrist lightly in her hand. She returned his tender kisses, a soft smile tugging lightly at the corners of her mouth. “Dean. It’s food, made by you for me. Of course I’m excited.” She chuckled lightly, fully intending to stand around and watch his every move, not only for the cooking lesson -he didn’t know he’d be giving her- but to simply watch him move. To take it all in -he was still hers. She giggled lightly at his welcome, wondering if it had ever been mentioned to him before that she’d been here a time or two. With a smile on her face she took his hand in hers and gave it a gentle squeeze. 

Damn, he was going to have to ask Sam how to make a damn funnel cake. It couldn't be that hard, dropping batter in oil and frying it, but still. He wasn't going to attempt that around her until he'd perfected it. He did have some semblance of pride left. Even if he looked like a pansy, all wrapped up in her and not even remotely bothered by it. He nodded slightly, silently promising to stop trying to push her away. As much as he wanted to spare her - protect her - she was right. It was her call to make and not his. She was the only one in the world who knew what she was getting into it - she had all the facts and wasn't making an unbiased decision. Dean'd just have to learn to accept that and realize it was ok for someone to want to care to about him, regardless of the risks. He had a feeling that was going to take awhile, but she'd be patient. His smile only brightened when she reached out for his hand. He'd been wondering how to smoothly do that. He'd never been much of a hand holder but he'd instantly felt different when he'd stepped out of her touch, like nothing was anchoring him. Maybe she did know him better than he thought. Lightly, he squeezed her hand back before he walked her up to the cabin, opening the door and hoping Sam'd gone on a slight cleaning spree. Dean'd been a little out of it. The cabin wasn't too bad. More empty bottles than he'd have liked laying around, but that was his own fault. He just lead her to the kitchen, grinning slightly mischievously as he turned to face her before picking her up and settling her on the counter. The sight of her like this was weirdly comforting to him. He'd always expected to bristle against anything domestic, but this didn't chafe like he'd expected it too. Instead it made him lean up for another kiss before moving to the kitchen sink to scrub the grease off of his hands. Once clean he moved to the fridge, digging the ground meat up and some onions and cheese and herbs to mix into the patties themselves before moving towards her end of the counter to start forming them. "Talk to me," he said quietly, "Bout anything. I don't care. It's just too quiet." And he'd never been much of a talker. He was used to Sam filling in the silences he left behind. Now he was just starting to feel slightly awkward.

“That’s not a way to deal with things, Dean”, Blair responded, feeling slightly agitated although she couldn’t quite put her finger on why.  Maybe it was because his agitation was obviously growing, or maybe it was just because he didn’t want to tell her what he did.  Either way, he was heading for the door, and she wasn’t impressed.  ”Uh - bye?”  She waved sarcastically at his retreating figure, though her features contorted in confusion when he stopped.  What was he doing, waiting for her to drag him back and force him into telling her?  Because that wasn’t happening.  Eyebrows still furrowed together when he turned around, she was completely taking aback when he started to speak.  And then, she really wished she hadn’t asked.  Well she wasn’t exactly a coddler, comforting didn’t quite come naturally to her, she preferred a more blunt approach.  But there was such a pain when he opened his eyes, Blair had to refrain herself from hugging him.  She really had been hanging around Cyrus too much.  ”If anyone can relate, it’s me.”  And all the other vampires that had their humanity switches flipped at the carnival, but Blair didn’t even know where half of them had gone to.  Then she had to wrinkle her nose slightly at relating to him - how was it that they couldn’t have been more opposite, but were still disturbingly similar?  ”I’m sorry Dean.”  She really didn’t know what else to say.

Not a way to deal with things? It was the only way to deal with things, far as Dean was concerned. But he said the words and didn't spontaneously combust. Good to know. She also didn't laugh which was mildly surprising. Reluctantly he swung his gaze over to hers when she oh so helpfully pointed out that if anyone could relate it was her and yeah well. He wasn't exactly looking to trade Klaus' murder stories. He'd rather pretend it just never happened. Unfortunately his conscience wasn't onboard with that plan. "It's fine. You don't have to apologize. It was my fault. I was the one who put myself in that position. Should have figured something like that would have happened. I mean he hated Katherine, there had to have been one hell of a steep price to spare her and there was." And he paid it. So did every man woman and child he'd slain. God. "Sam and Andi know mostly. Mila knows bits and pieces. I just...." What? He was just gonna bare his freakin' soul to her? "I feel like they should hate me. Should punish me - there should be some consequence other than my own freakin guilt - I don't know how to handle it. Sam I get - we've got to stick by each other no matter what. But Andi? I don't deserve that. And I can't understand why she keeps giving it."

The tense muscles in her shoulders finally began to relax as she stared him down. She wouldn’t be damned if he ran her off, thinking he wasn’t worthy of having a single good thing in his life. She had no idea his doubts ran so deep, it broke her heart to see the truth of it all in his eyes. But there is was slowly seeping out of his gaze as her words hit home. She would remind him of them every moment if the need arose, until he didn’t doubt himself or this again. She hadn’t planned to catch any interest in the elder Winchester but she couldn’t help her curiously then either. Taking to studying him more and more as she waited for a moment to speak to Sam. He’d intrigued her even then, from afar. It was not simply the talk of the angels that made her feel like she knew him better then she knew anyone else, but her own observations that pushed her to finally speak to him, it was then that she caught her first glimpse of his doubt but to watch him fall apart not once but twice.. She hoped that she, as well as all those that loved him, would be enough to lift him out of this hole. The small smile that pulled lightly at her lips as their fingers laced together was unavoidable. He’d touched her. Surely the argument was over now. Though the battle had only just begun. “Yes, we’re really doing this. No turning back now, got it mister.” She smiled softly up at him, nodding her head slowly. “I know Dean, about it all. I still want to be by your side. I don’t think there is much that would change that.” She chuckled lightly at his words, raising a hand to press lightly against his cheek. “You didn’t. I found you.” She wrapped her arms lightly around his neck, a wide smiling pulling at her lips. Once more she nodded laughing lightly at his words. “You had me at burgers.”  He’d never asked her to stick around before and it made her feel warm inside, tightening her arms slightly she pulled him into a hug. “You won’t be.” If she had it her way he would never be again. Comfort she could do, day and night. “You know all you have to do is ask.”

Dean found it was nearly impossible to not smile if the angel was up at him. Even though he was all torn up and confused - she was smiling and so was he. "Got it," he said softly, "No turning back." It still baffled him but right now he was going to take the risk and just let her stay. More than that - he wanted her to stay and that made it all different. His eyes wanted to break away when she said she knew about it all, but he resisted. Just gave a little nod to show he'd heard before his smile broke into something torn between shocked and pleased. "Apparently there's really not much that would change that." Dean had to chuckle a little himself. He'd have thought demon blood addicted brother might have, but definitely compelled slaughter, but if she could stand through those. Then really, he was out of things he could toss her way - thankfully, "But I hope I don't ever find out what would." Already he was feeling differently - with her this close, her touch on his skin - he was focusing on other things than his own disgust, regret - horror. She kept interrupting the loop in his head reminding him in vivid detail what had happened every time he saw something that related to a memory. He was desperate for the breaks no matter how little he deserved it. She found him. Well still - lucky him. "Touche." She came easily smiles just as warm as her arms around him. And jokes. All of it combined, made a genuine smile hit his lips and he nodded slightly. "I thought burgers might do it. I have no idea how to make a funnel cake though, so you're stuck with settling for cheese fries." Wow, look at that. He was bantering again. He went easily when she tightened her arms, signaling a hug, letting his eyes close for a moment as he listened to her words. For the moment, he was going to believe that. She was here and he wasn't alone and it took him a few moments to readjust the world under his feet, but he felt a little more stable when he moved back, gently reaching up - this time cupping her face and smiling down at her. "M'not so good at asking. But I'm glad I did this time. Thank you - by the way." For staying. For refusing to give up on him. For...caring. Slowly he pulled her into a few sweet kisses, tempted to just do this forever and ever, but he really should make some food. He didn't know how long he'd been on a pretty much alcohol only diet. Just ... in a minute. "I can't make much, but I can make a pretty awesome burger. I hope you're excited," He mumbled, nuzzling the soft skin on her jaw. Part of him wanted to give her the grand tour of the cabin - his bed, the shower - etc, but he reeled those impulses back and sternly told himself they were going to be good. She was going to get a decent date outta him. Gently he caught her mouth one last time before pulling away slightly. "C'mon, I gotta get cleaned up before I touch anything edible." Well besides her. "Also, welcome to the Winchester cabin. Don't pull a Blair and look horrified that it looks like two dudes live in it - cos uh, two dudes live in it." He shrugged lightly, pleased that a smile had made its way onto his face again.

He was getting defensive, and Blair probably should have backed off, but her natural curiosity was kicking in.  ”No.”  It was obviously a rhetorical question, but the conversation was clearly far from over.  ”Look, I’m not much of a talker myself, but you can’t make yourself feel better by punching things and drinking yourself into oblivion.  It’s going to catch up with you eventually.”  She surveyed him for a moment, taking a step back so she wasn’t quite so much in his personal space, allowing him to turn away and leave if he really felt it necessary.  ”What did you do?”

He couldn't help the unimpressed look he shot her when she said no. He wasn't really asking. His eyebrow lifted in disbelief when she said that punching things and drinking wouldn't help. "You'd be surprised how good each of those can feel, especially combined." Dean'd always scraped by before throwing himself into his job, why should now be different? She was stepping back and Dean'd made it three steps towards the door before he paused. Inevitably Sam was going to find out. Either because he cracked or Klaus gloated. He'd need Blair. Fucking hell. Slowly he spun around and threw a studying glance her way. She was going to judge the hell out of him for this, but whatever. His eyes dropped as he thought of a good way to explain it. "He compelled me to kill. Paint the town red in his anger over Caroline being hurt by Kat's hand. Show no mercy to the innocent." Dean's eyes shut briefly as his mind was assaulted by images he didn't want, "Couldn't stop myself. Couldn't - the things I did. Drinking's the only way to dull it all enough to keep on my feet and a smirk on my face, alright?" Opens his eyes, "I get I was stupid and that it wasn't technically my fault, but it was my hands that needed scrubbed clean so... spare me, alright?"

My ass they’re tied. We have a vested interest in this, I think. Well at least I do, but I know you love Mila too, don’t even pretend like you don’t. And shit, man she just told me about Rachel this is all insane. Do you know anything about this Hayley chick? Something about her just doesn’t sit right with me.

That's precisely what I'm referring to. We can't just drop in there guns blazing. If we take out Hayley or Rachel - Mila'll never get over it. I'm just saying, we need a plan. {shrugs} What do you wanna know? She's the alpha of the pack and apparently Rachel's soul mate. Personally we clash, but I'm kind of a loner dog type apparently.

Yea, but it sounds like she was more worried about Haley then Mila. Why didn’t we hear anything about other hunters heading for Mystic Falls? I dunno Dean, it’s not adding up. They had to have been trailing this pack or whatever and that only means they are bad news. {sighs} I told Mila that we’d look after her, I know Jer will too and honestly I don’t want her first full moon to be with these people because that doesn’t make sense. Yea, they have some old cellars not far from the property. My guess is they’ll be hiding out there or at the manor. I’ll warn Blair that they’re in town so that she can keep a low profile because apparently only one person can cure a werewolf bite and I really don’t need to be in his debt. 

That bothered me too. It's not exactly a secret where we've settled - someone should have reached out looking for back up if not just to give us a heads up. {smiles slightly} Yeah, we'll protect Mila, though she's had her first transformation already. This'll be her second and Rachel's first. Scares me that there's nobody there as a safeguard in case something happens. At least before Rachel was there with wolfsbane and a gun, but now it's just three wolves. Blair? Keep a low profile? Maybe I'll ask Andi to have a girls night with her or something. Keep her distracted. {makes a face} That was actually really smooth, Sammy. I'm almost impressed. {looks away, bracing himself for the inevitable explosions} Ya wanna know the whole story? Apparently he compelled him to emboss the town in blood. Paint the town red in his anger over Katherine torturing Caroline. Couldn't stop until he said so. Then he took away that compulsion, made me forget and think the only thing I had to do was a fair blood exchange. Eleana's for his. So I gave him the blood and he lifted the compulsion and now I'm remembering all kinds crap I don't wanna. Ok? It was stupid. I was stupid. It could have been worse. I get it. Save it, Sam. Please. We can't change it now. 

That’s not what I was saying. This whole getting defensive so quickly is what I’m talking about. You’re hiding what’s really happening by lashing out at the people who care about you. -sighs; You’re not fine, Dean! I can tell and when I can tell there’s a problem. -runs a hand through her hair; I don’t need details, Dean. I get that there are some things you just can’t talk about, but…you can tell people when you’re hurting. You saw me after I triggered. You really think I’m going to be someone who judges you after that? I’m not asking you to bear your soul to me. I’m asking you to let me help you work through it. Just like you helped me. I owe you that much. -shakes her head; I fail to believe that’s all it is, but okay. If that’s what you’re going with, fine. Just…please…don’t push me away. I can handle a lot of things. Losing you is not one of them…

-smirks lightly; Getting defensive thing? -looks away as she really lets him have it, trying to think of a way out of this; Tell people when I'm hurting? What for? Then they'll want to fix it - fix me - and when they can't, it'll just be another disappointment. Nobody needs that. I'm not afraid of.... actually yeah, I do think you'll judge me. I think everyone will and the selfish part of me doesn't wanna deal. What happened happened ain't nothing you or I can do about it now. You can't work through this. There isn't a freakin' manual or something. Steps. -finally looks back at her; Owe me? You don't owe me anything. -pauses; Shit, firecracker, did you really have to go for the jugular there? -laughs slightly, shaking his head; Fine. I did what I thought was my arrangement with Klaus. Got rewarded by my compulsion being lifted and finding out I'd already done something much worse. I get it wasn't me and I can't blame myself for something I could't control - I just. I need time to get over it.