myos ❤︎ @ddingming - Tumblr Blog

quick infos about me:

my name is myos. i am 20 [twenty] years old.

my pronouns are she/her, he/him.

i'm still not sure about my gender, but i'm labeling myself as agender.

i am aromantic and asexual, but i still feel other types of attraction. still questioning too.

i am from brazil, so yeah, english isn't my first language, but portuguese.

i suspect that i am neurodivergent. i'm not sure if i'll get diagnosis.

i suffer with chronic pain.

i intend to post here some thoughts mostly about my life. you can find in the #luise pensamentos and #myos pensamentos hashtags.

side moodboard blog : @myos2

ps: if i spelled something wrong, please tell me. though i considerate myself fluent, i'm still learning english.

#ddingming

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insidestory1

I find it very offensive that the more unwell you are, the more things you have to do to maintain your health. Things like following special diets, going to medical appointments, making big and important decisions about what treatments to use. At the same time, the more unwell you are the less energy you have to do all of these extra things. It seems grossly unfair.

ddingming

still resentful how i tried to not get into any addiction and self harm behavior only to get rewarded with chronic pain all over my body 24/7

ddingming

according to some people, fybromialgia is caused by unprocessed trauma, that's what i'm referring to

and i know if i say that my life is worse than theirs they will say they have their struggles too, but they still can live their lifes !!! and i can't !!!!

#myos pensamentos #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #chronic migraine #chronic illness #physical disability #physically disabled #actually disabled #chronically ill #disabled

still resentful how i tried to not get into any addiction and self harm behavior only to get rewarded with chronic pain all over my body 24/7

#i tried to be “mature” all these years just to end up like this #everyone who's my age and have been through any type of abuse and trauma haven't been the i am #some are mentally ill #but they still enjoy their lives #and i can't do that #myos pensamentos

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i wanna be more negative so bad like, to express my pain everywhere i can, and act more selfish, and be weird the way i want and need to be, but i'll probably lose the few friends i have and possible opportunities. i don't wanna hide myself anymore.

#myos pensamentos

ddingming

i forgot this account is four years old, i got shocked when i saw my 2022 draft posts 😭

ddingming

also, it's scary i've dealing with almost-unbearable pain for two, three years. it's weird to accept i'll be like this my whole life, and i don't know why.

#myos pensamentos #chronic pain #chronic migraine #chronically ill #chronic illness #chronic fatigue #physically disabled #physical disability #disabled #actually disabled

i forgot this account is four years old, i got shocked when i saw my 2022 draft posts 😭

#myos pensamentos

updated profile yippiee (ﾉ´ ᗜ `)ノ

#myos pensamentos

"you've been avoiding living life"

"why don't you follow your life goals"

maybe because i'm disabled and it makes everything difficult ? i don't wanna explain my conditions everytime someone asks about it, it's tiring.

#i'll simply say i'm disabled from now on #even though it has negative connotations for abled people #if they think i'm being lazy or pessimistic i don't care #myos pensamentos #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #chronic migraine #chronic illness #physical disability #physically disabled #actually disabled #chronically ill #disabled

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weird how i managed to solve some big problems *alone* without my parents' help and now i'm in the same situation again. since i've got no treatments for my conditions it apparently got worse. i still make no money, i can draw but i have no energy to keep active on social media. and because i'm inactive i'm rarely talking with friends, i feel guilty but i felt lonely anyway. i'm almost accepting that my life will stay miserable forever, because showing up like this irl or in internet is so humiliating.

#my name now is myos but i'm too tired to change profile #luise pensamentos #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #chronic migraine #chronic illness #physically disabled #physical disability #actually disabled

spoonbendersanonymous

"Single people are on average less healthy, less financially stable, and overall less satisfied with life than partnered and married people are. This must mean that monogamous relationships and marriage are the solution to society's problems"

Huh, it's almost like society, both socially and financially, is set up to specifically benefit people who have monogamous relationships and get married and punish people who don't partner or get married. It's almost like there are financial benefits that exist specifically to incentivize people to get married and have kids and be a nuclear family. It's almost like it was very culturally normal until very very very recently to just not have any deeper platonic relationships after you get married, meaning that single people past a certain age just get left behind and get treated as spinsters or loser bachelors. It's like life just is not designed for single people to be able to easily participate and survive while still being single. Huh, very weird. I'm sure marriage will fix this.

hollymolyguacamolee-deactivated

To all the people who say "oh don't worry I don't see you as disabled!" or "I see you like a normal person!" and think they're doing us a favor.

Please.

Please see my disability. Please see everything that I'm unable to do. Please see how I'm struggling. See how much pain I'm in. See how slowly I get out of bed in the morning me.

Make me feel seen, and feel valid. Seeing "through" a person's disability isn't good. See me. See me as a whole.

Something way more okay to say is "I acknowledge your disabilities and your struggle, but it doesn't make you any less and I still value you."

question of the day : am i really aroace or am i just a lesbian who always suppress thoughts, feelings and needs?

#after my partner “joked” about me being a lesbian suddenly a lot of things made sense to me #but i cant be sure because i have little to no experience #i have other reasons but i am tired to explain #questioning #aroace #questioning lesbian

weird-and-unwell

Happy disabled pride month to the undiagnosed. To those with no idea what it could be. To those who are pretty sure they know, but can't be certain yet. To those whose doctors are trying their best, and to those whose doctors aren't. To those with test results, and those without. To those whose prognosis isn't looking good. To those scared by the course of their symptoms, and with no idea what's going to happen next. Living undiagnosed is hard, and I wish you all luck.

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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borderline-culture-is

BPD culture is always assuming everyone is lying to you about everything.

"I think I'm gonna go to bed early" yeah sure you are. Sure you are. You just want a few hours at the end of your day where I'm not being an inconvenience to you. I saw you still online two hours after you said that btw.

"I was busy" "I forgot to respond" yeah sure buddy. Sure. Busy ignoring me maybe. Or maybe you "forgot" in the same sense that I "forgot" to apply for a job or college because I just don't wanna.

"I don't get notifications anymore cuz I don't have the app on my phone" "I didn't get a notification" very clever. good job coming up with an excuse I can ALMOST believe. I still think you're lying to me though. I've got a feeling.

I'm never gonna let you see how I really feel but I hope you can feel in your gut every day that I trust you less and less the more I want you to stay. Just admit you don't enjoy my company and leave already. I'm clearly making your life worse just by being a part of it.

oh shit wait you're asking me to play a video game together completely unprompted??? without me having to subtly beg you for meaningful social connection even a little bit?????? YAAAAAY [immediately stops crying splits white and completely forgets about this entire line of thought until the next time something slightly "off" happens]

.

blu-skye

Chronic pain and fatigue means simultaneously feeling proud for getting simple daily tasks you need done for yourself, and feeling ridiculous that you are that proud for doing those simple daily tasks.

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myos ❤︎