Twilight of the Apprentice HISHE:
The Semi Revelation of Maul:
Maul: You mean, my apprentice.
[Throws lightsaber at Kanan.]
[Saber stops right in front of his face.]
Maul: HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?!
[Pans over to show Obi-Wan Kenobi.]
Kanan and Ahsoka: Master Kenobi!
Maul: Aw c’mon man! I never get to do anything cool! [Runs off]
Ezra: [Runs up] MAUL TRICKED US! [Pauses] Hey, who’s the desert hobo? [Referring to Obi-Wan.]
The Death of Eighth Brother:
[Lightsaber handle broken, runs and jumps off the edge. Helicoptersaber breaks in midair. He falls.]
Eighth Brother: [From below] I’m fine! Just a broken leg! But I’m oo-kay!
Getting the Sith Holocron:
Maul: [Grabs Ezra’s hand.]
[Long pause as it goes from Maul to Ezra; creating suspension.]
Maul: See ya! [Let’s go of Ezra.]
Ezra: [While falling] I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN!!!
Maul: [Skips off happily with the Holocron.] Lalalala!
[Maul Force-throws Ezra, but under shoots (causing him to fall into the pit).]
Maul: I know where you are; You’re with me.
Ezra: Well, you seem shady! I’ll trust you!
Vader’s Dramatic Entrance:
Ezra: You think you’re trying to hard?
Vader: W-what? Nooooo. No of course not!
Ezra: Really? Because that was a bit egotistical.
Vader: Oh. Wow. Really? Because I was going for that “strike fear into your heart” kind of vibe.
Ezra: [Shaking his head] Yeah, no.
Vader: [Droops whole body (the cartoon sadness pose).]
The Beginning of the Vader-Ahsoka Fight:
Vader: Revenge is not the Jedi way.
Ezra and Kanan: OOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Vader: Our long awaited meeting has come at last….Snips.
Ahsoka: [Throws down her sabers dramatically] OH HEEELLLL NO! YOU THINK YOU CAN GO OVER TO THE DARK SIDE, AND HAVE THE AUDACITY TO CALL ME “SNIPS”? NO1 I’m done! [Leaves]
When the Sith Holocron is Put in Place and is Causing Destruction:
Ezra: Oh no. This is bad! This is very very bad! I have screwed up big time! Oh! Kanan’s never gonna let me forget this! He’s gonna “I told you so” so hard!
Blind Badass Kanan vs. Maul:
Maul: Running again, Lady Tano?
Ahsoka: If you wanna finish our fight, you’ll have to deal with him first.
[Pans over to Kanan, but in his place is Daredevil.]
But, This Is How It Really Should Have Ended:
Rex: I can be there in two rotations.
Ahsoka: I’m not alone, Rex. [Has glimpses of the future: Maul; Kanan being blinded; the Anakin/Vader helmet moment.] On second thought….
[Cuts to everyone on the Ghost; unharmed.]
Kanan: Man, it sure is a good thing you last minute called for help Ahsoka.
Sabine: Yeah, could you imagine the mess Ezra would’ve caused otherwise?
Ezra: [As the laughter dies down.] I’m gullible.
Maul: Really? Helicopter lightsabers?
Seventh Sister: What….what’s wrong with them?
Ezra: I don’t know; they just seem super inconvenient.
Fifth Brother: Whaaaaat? Nooooo. No. They’re….they’re cool….
[Eighth Brother finally reaches the top after climbing back up (with a broken leg)] [Out of breath] Hey….guys. I finally made it!
Eighth Brother: Damnit! Not again!
[Everyone glares at him.]
I have been working on this ever since the weekend after the S2 finale aired. And I’m sorry if this isn’t that funny. It’s kinda hard for me to be funny on command, but, I honestly think that I did my best.