Kidnapper: We have your son
Bruce: Which one I have... (to someone else on his end) are we at 7? 8?
Kidnapper: The loud, annoying one who never shuts up
Bruce:
Bruce: do you have any idea how little that narrows it down?
trying on a metaphor
i don't do bad sauce passes
we're not kids anymore.
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@dcgwyx
Kidnapper: We have your son
Bruce: Which one I have... (to someone else on his end) are we at 7? 8?
Kidnapper: The loud, annoying one who never shuts up
Bruce:
Bruce: do you have any idea how little that narrows it down?

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Upcoming Villain in Gotham: if only we knew Batman's identity! Then we could just go to his house and-
Riddler: we all know his identity
Catwoman: I regularly go to his house
Harley: I went to med school with him
Two-Face: he was my best friend
Red Hood: he's my Dad
UCVG: ...wait what?
Red Hood: family, you know how it is.
Man changed his tune instantly.
Just imagining a preteen Jon Kent who has only ever encountered the civilian batbros in relation to Damian one day hear his dad, who has never said worse than “shucks darn” in his presence, call Dick by his name:
Jon: Dad! That’s so mean, why would you call him that?!
Clark: because that’s his name?
Jon: his name is Grayson!
Clark: uh
Dick: that’s my last name, kiddo
Jon:
Jon:
Jon: What about Todd—
Dick: Jason
Jon: and drake—
Dick: Tim
Jon: where does the wayne fit in to all of this?
Dick: Bruce adopted us
Jon: you’re ADOPTED!? But you all look exactly the same
Dick: umm
Jon: your parents are dead?
Dick: yes
Jon: *visibly tearing up* that’s so sad
Dick: it’s okay! Don’t cry. Honestly, when I was little, finding out your dad was adopted really helped me—
Jon: MY DAD IS ADOPTED?!
Clark: *facepalms* honey, I’m an alien. You know this.
Jon: *lays on floor and sings the wizards of waverly place theme song to himself* everything is not what it seems

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Dark Crisis #2 - “Fall of the Titans” (2022)
written by Joshua Williamson art by Daniel Sampere & Alejandro Sanchez
Bruce Wayne is so dumb. Billionaire playboy bachelor is such a stupid cover when stressed single parent is not only the truth but also easier to explain to all these rich folks.
All this weird in depth knowledge? Had to help with school presentations
Tired? Sleepy? Looks a bit sick? Huh yeah the youngst has the flu right now
Literally always has “my child is sick/home alone” as an excuse to not be anywhere and leave suddenly
No need to flirt with people
Can talk about children for hours and bore people away from paying attention
“So my child’s first languge is actually X so of course I had to learn it”
“Oh yeah, I was in Spain last week. Lovely country.”
“Really??? Didn’t see any pictures from you.”
“I don’t want my children exposed to the media storm”
Buying weird stuff!!!!
“Oh yeah, Jason’s super into DIY right now, we’re at the hardware store every week basically”
Bottom line Single Dad is the bet cover he could have had and DC has to ruin it
Feel free to add
@fialleril
Busted ribs?
Yeah, my second child jumped into my bed this morning. Feet first.
Black eye?
That would be the milk my oldest spilled on the floor which he forgot to clean up before I slipped on it and went head first into my wool carved cabinets.
You just disabled this bomb???
Yeah, my third kid build a working model and we didn’t have time to call the bomb squad so I made sure if he does something like that again, I know how to deal with it.
Your vast knowledge of rockets and space ships??
Also my third child. Timmy’s so smart, honestly, I have no idea where he gets all this stuff.
Why are you able to understand that strange magic person who’s only speaking in Old English?
Jason went through a phase.
Why is your youngest carrying swords around and shouting death threats?
I slept with a rich, Middle Eastern king’s daughter and I didn’t get custody until he was 10. Damian was raised very…traditionally.
You backflip??
Dick’s a circus acrobat and an Olympic class gymnast. He looked so happy when he said he could teach me, I didn’t have the heart to tell him no.
You have huge dark circles under your eyes, you okay?
I haven’t slept in three days, the kids are all down with some kind of sickness.
Why is that small child covered with bruises and why is his arm in a cast?
Dick thought it would be fun to swing from the chandelier in the main entrance, to the top of the banister of the stairs and to slide down to the bottom.
He missed.
Okay but consider: a Bruce Wayne who uses the dumb bachelor cover up until Dick’s first science project living with him and Bruce has the light bulb moment while Alfred is treating the burns
Puns, Nightwing’s only weakness
I hate when people try to say Jason isn't a detective like BRO THATS LITERALLY THE FIRST THING BRUCE TEACHES HIS KIDS BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE
They're ALL detectives!!! That's their main schtick actually!!!
Also, not a technical fighter??? He's had more training and teachers than just about anyone else in the family. He's EXTREMELY precise with every movement, he isn't just about brute force, c'mon, don't do my man dirty by implying otherwise.
If you even try to imply he's not as acrobatic as the rest of the family either I'm straight up bopping you on the nose with a rolled up newspaper. No! Bad!!! He's the flippiest one in the family next to Dick!!! Bruce even said his acrobatic skills were comparable to Dick's!
I keep remembering that moment in Under the Red Hood when Bruce watches over and over the tape of Jason (who he doesn’t yet know is Jason) escaping from the cord wrapped around him by leaping backwards, curling his legs, and loosening the cord so he can then slice through the slack, and Bruce says something like there’s only one person I’ve ever known who can do that maneuver — that’s how he recognizes his son, by the elegance and sheer brilliance of his moves.
HARLEY QUINN WEEK 2022 DAY 3 -> Favorite Quote: “Never give up on the things ya love in order to be the thing that’s loved.” (Harley Quinn: Make ‘Em Laugh #1)

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Harley and Ivy are just too cute together
batman needs a robin. no matter what he thinks he wants.
‘I HAVE NO INTEREST IN NOT CARING ABOUT PEOPLE’ IS SUCH A GREAT BRUCE LINE DAMN IT
theyre on my mind
Do you have the willpower? Hal’s DC Bombshells variant cover art by Emanuela Lupacchino

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being goth in Gotham is kinda basic though (i say this lovingly) because 24/7 you’re sorrounded by death and gloom and suffering and zero sunshine and literal fucking gargoyles on buildings.
like if you’re goth in Gotham you fit in and i know this has been said before but that’s why the rogues are so fucking colourful its cuz that shit stands out. you see someone wearing bright contrasting colours in the angst capital of the world and it is ingrained in you that that’s you’re cue to get the fuck out of there
what I’m trying to say is. when gothamites first saw robin they ran the other way until batman showed up and explained that the walking streetlight is friendly for once
I saw someone’s tags saying they needed the same panel redrawn with Jason as Red Hood and I was living for the idea