DC

Bruce: Which one I have... (to someone else on his end) are we at 7? 8?

Kidnapper: The loud, annoying one who never shuts up

Bruce:

Riddler: we all know his identity

Catwoman: I regularly go to his house

Harley: I went to med school with him

Two-Face: he was my best friend

Red Hood: he's my Dad

UCVG: ...wait what?

Jon: Dad! That’s so mean, why would you call him that?!

Clark: because that’s his name?

Jon: his name is Grayson!

Clark: uh

Dick: that’s my last name, kiddo

Jon:

Jon:

Jon: What about Todd—

Dick: Jason

Jon: and drake—

Dick: Tim

Jon: where does the wayne fit in to all of this?

Dick: Bruce adopted us

Jon: you’re ADOPTED!? But you all look exactly the same

Dick: umm

Jon: your parents are dead?

Dick: yes

Jon: *visibly tearing up* that’s so sad

Dick: it’s okay! Don’t cry. Honestly, when I was little, finding out your dad was adopted really helped me—

Jon: MY DAD IS ADOPTED?!

Clark: *facepalms* honey, I’m an alien. You know this.

Dark Crisis #2 - “Fall of the Titans” (2022)

All this weird in depth knowledge? Had to help with school presentations

Tired? Sleepy? Looks a bit sick? Huh yeah the youngst has the flu right now

Literally always has “my child is sick/home alone” as an excuse to not be anywhere and leave suddenly

No need to flirt with people

Can talk about children for hours and bore people away from paying attention

“So my child’s first languge is actually X so of course I had to learn it”

“Oh yeah, I was in Spain last week. Lovely country.”

“Really??? Didn’t see any pictures from you.”

“I don’t want my children exposed to the media storm”

Buying weird stuff!!!!

“Oh yeah, Jason’s super into DIY right now, we’re at the hardware store every week basically”

Bottom line Single Dad is the bet cover he could have had and DC has to ruin it

Yeah, my second child jumped into my bed this morning. Feet first.

Black eye?

That would be the milk my oldest spilled on the floor which he forgot to clean up before I slipped on it and went head first into my wool carved cabinets.

You just disabled this bomb???

Yeah, my third kid build a working model and we didn’t have time to call the bomb squad so I made sure if he does something like that again, I know how to deal with it.

Your vast knowledge of rockets and space ships?? 

Also my third child. Timmy’s so smart, honestly, I have no idea where he gets all this stuff.

Why are you able to understand that strange magic person who’s only speaking in Old English?

Jason went through a phase.

Why is your youngest carrying swords around and shouting death threats?

I slept with a rich, Middle Eastern king’s daughter and I didn’t get custody until he was 10. Damian was raised very…traditionally.

You backflip??

Dick’s a circus acrobat and an Olympic class gymnast. He looked so happy when he said he could teach me, I didn’t have the heart to tell him no.

You have huge dark circles under your eyes, you okay?

I haven’t slept in three days, the kids are all down with some kind of sickness.

Why is that small child covered with bruises and why is his arm in a cast?

Dick thought it would be fun to swing from the chandelier in the main entrance, to the top of the banister of the stairs and to slide down to the bottom.

They're ALL detectives!!! That's their main schtick actually!!!

Also, not a technical fighter??? He's had more training and teachers than just about anyone else in the family. He's EXTREMELY precise with every movement, he isn't just about brute force, c'mon, don't do my man dirty by implying otherwise.

like if you’re goth in Gotham you fit in and i know this has been said before but that’s why the rogues are so fucking colourful its cuz that shit stands out. you see someone wearing bright contrasting colours in the angst capital of the world and it is ingrained in you that that’s you’re cue to get the fuck out of there