not 4 me

once she came off stage and passed by him, he froze, rubbing the back of his neck and staring at the ground. “been a minute,” he mumbled, seeing as neither of them seemed to be leaving the green room any time soon. @rvmatty​

she let out a surprised little squeak when her feet disappeared from under her, but she was genuinely surprised at how gentle he was being with her. she wasn’t expecting this from k-pop’s most notorious mess. she froze for a second, breathing still ragged and tears still flowing, but as he began to walk, she relaxed into him, trying to keep her sobs quiet as to not draw too much attention.

as soon as he was sure he wasn’t intruding too much, and that she was okay with him carrying her, he began to hurry, making a beeline for the traxx dressing room, taking the route that he knew he was the least likely to see anyone. traxx had a lot of status, even with all their controversies-- no one was going to burst into the dressing room. and everyone else had left for lunch, so it was empty for the time being. “we’re almost there,” he assured her, hand that was beneath her torso gently rubbing her back. “just one more set of stairs.”

she closed her eyes as they kissed, looking up at him with a huge smile. “i’m just excited, okay? no freaking out, i promise,” she said, though they both knew that she couldn’t hold herself to that. she was an excitable person when she was in a good mood. “can i see?”

he pulled away, not being able to hide his smile and kissing her forehead before he actually pulled away. how he of all people could have fallen for someone so genuinely full of joy was beyond him, quite honestly. “you’re cute when you’re excited. just don’t get all embarrassing,” he retorted, pulling out the velvet box he had in his back pocket and handing it to her. “open it up and see, if you want to so bad.”

her eyes widened even more. carry her? that seemed like such a hassle– she didn’t want to put him through more trouble. especially since he already had to deal with her mess right then. “i can walk,” she answered out, still shaking and sobbing as she slowly tried to stand on jelly legs, using the wall for support. she didn’t know him– she wasn’t going to cling onto him. by all accounts, he was a diva. she couldn’t handle him yelling at her right then.

it didn’t take long for dayoon to plainly see that she couldn’t walk. he got why people were so hesitant to be near him, but god, she was just making things harder than she needed to by being all shy. “come here...” he grumbled, gently leaning down to pick her up under her legs to get her into a bridal carry, but softly, so she could push him off at any time. “it’ll be faster.”

“how can i not be excited, dayoon– you got me something,” she answered, putting her hands in her lap to try to keep from bouncing with excitement. “what constitutes as strange? i think i’m acting reasonably…”

he relaxed into a smile, putting a hand on her shoulder to try to ground her and leaning in to kiss her. “you’re making a huge deal of it. it’s weird. now are you going to freak out on me? or can i give you what i got you?”

matty was mourning her lost friendship with dayoon. of course she was– she saw him almost every day before it all happened. and it was soul crushing to be that close to a connection with someone and have it crash down on top of you. she’d been so close to happiness only for the door to slam in her face.

but she was a big girl. she was moving on. deokjun was doing wonders to help her through it, as was her group. and the more time she spent away from dayoon, the more she wondered why she’d stayed as his lap dog for so long.

she audibly scoffed when she got the texts, rolling her eyes

[ sms - matty ] ur fucking kidding me right? [ sms - matty ] after everything, that’s what you sayd? [ sms - matty ] and you expected that to work? [ sms - matty ] delete my number

he groaned seeing the messages roll in, scrubbing his face with his hands and taking a deep breath

[ sms - dayoon ] i’m bad at this sort of thing, okay? [ sms - dayoon ] i’m sorry. [ sms - dayoon ] can i at least apologize in person or something

“oh, i hate that. the idea of that makes me uncomfortable. i’m no martyr,” eunsung sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “unlucky, maybe, but it’s weird when fans do that.”

“yeah, well, that’s not going to stop them from doing that. even if you say something they’re not going to stop. you just need to get over it.”

“well… you’re not wrong, i guess,” she said, wry smile on her face. “maybe i need to figure out how to do some wider counter-advertising…”

“well, you don’t seem idol-rich, but you seem well off. i’m sure you could do it. just get an idol to sign on and you’re golden.”

her head snapped up, eyes wide with fear when she heard his voice. she hadn’t heard him come in, and it scared her, almost making the whole ordeal so much worse. shaky hands curled into fists as she cocooned more into herself. she knew him– not personally, but she knew him. and he wasn’t someone she wanted to find her like this, by all accounts. 

but he was right. she hadn’t thought of that. if someone found her, she’d be all over the tabloids. they’d speculate and dig up old painful trauma. so she tried her best to take a deep breath, nodding slightly. she’d go with him. she just hoped she wouldn’t regret it.

he felt bad; he’d startled her. he scared her more. he hadn’t meant to do that-- clearly she was having a terrible time already, without him. he gently put a hand on her shoulder, trying to rub gently in what he hoped was a comforting way. he didn’t know. he wasn’t good at this type of thing at all. 

“can you walk on your own?” he asked her, again, trying to keep any sort of annoyance out of his voice. “do you need help? do i need to carry you out of here?”

really, she knew better. this was the biggest problem child in the entire kpop industry– everyone knew how problematic he was. but jinhee had yet to see that. from the moment he found her at inkigayo, he’d been a steady comforting presence. there to share her anxieties with. there to bond over similar traumas to do with their vocation. he got her. they were the same– their issues just manifested in different ways. she was starting to feel just as safe around dayoon as she did with sanghee. 

jinhee looked up from her phone in surprise, eyes going wide. “you… what?” she asked. “you getting anyone anything is a big deal, from what i know…”

“alright, now, don’t get too worked up about it. you’re going to make it weird,” dayoon sighed, trying not to smile at how excited she looked. “i’m not going to give you shit all if you keep being all strange about it. those are the conditions.”

as much as he was still missing matika, spending time with jinhee helped ease the pain. he was starting to like being around her. and this was different with matty-- instead of matty being the one taking care of him and trying to get him to grow up, it was dayoon feeling like he wanted to take care of jin. and just naturally being a better person in her presence. 

they spent a lot of time hanging out at dayoons apartment, considering she lived with like thirty other girls (honestly, props to her. dayoon hadn’t been able to handle eleven other guys). and that’s what they were doing during the afternoon in question. “alright, don’t freak out or be weird about it. it’s not a big deal but.... i got you something.” @jinheerv

he missed her. a lot. matty had been a constant in his life, and the only thing keeping him level a lot of days, and without her, everything was dark. and he only had himself to blame. he’d been the one, after all, who’d blown out the fucking candle. 

normally his pride would get in the way. he wouldn’t dream of groveling or talking to someone he was on such bad terms with. but it was late, and he was drunk and lonely, so he pulled out his phone, and texted his (former) best friend. @rvmatty​

[ sms - dayoon ] i miss you [ sms - dayoon ] come over?

“i’m already stuck with you in the unit– i don’t think the fans would be very happy if i had my lines in that, and yours on top of it,” eunsung pointed out with a laugh

“nah, they love you. you’re their fucking martyr. they’ll see it as you finally getting the recognition you deserve.”

she sighed deeply. “well, i suppose. i still don’t like the concept but…..at least it wouldn’t be false advertising.”

“make it a lot less appealing for those little girls. eating disorders are a lot less glamorous if you know from the jump that it’s just fucking diarrhea.”