DaydreamsAndWanders

"Will you ever love me the way I love you?" I asked.

"Does it matter?" He said.

"It matters to me." I whispered, unsure if I wanted him to hear.

"I spent the whole night with you. I kissed every inch of you. It's the start of a new day and I am still here." He whispered back, a little too gently.

"But do you love me?" I looked at him, waiting for an answer but he kissed me instead. Just like those times when he didn't have an answer. When he didn't want to lie. He was a better kisser than a liar anyway.

What a fool. I bitterly thought as I laughed at myself, knowing full well I would never stop him. I would never stop this.

The winter's bite, the lick of fire,

Adrenaline in my veins,

Shiver on my spine.

To be handled with gentleness

But be loved violently.

Lose myself in the rush of time

And be trapped in eternity.

Seeing you in all of your glory.

Beautiful, magnificent, unreal.

My shaking hands stay locked on my sides,

afraid to move, afraid to touch.

As if you are a mirage that will disappear

if I move, if I breathe, if I blink.

So I stay still, rigid as a streched string, holding my breath like i'm underwater. Maybe I am, because I feel like i'm drowning

in your eyes, in your scent, in your skin. 

Then you touch me. Soft as a feather and yet I break.

I break and I let you in. I let you see. I let you feel.

Every shard, every piece, every bit of me scattered all around.

But you gather me up and slowly you put me back together. And after that, you look at me like I am

the sun, the moon, the stars.

Everything celestial. The whole universe.

But I am neither of those things. With you, I am just me.

Still, you hold me close as you drift off to sleep. A hushed I love you in my ear.

So tenderly, lovingly, sleepily.

Warmth spread from my heart to my toes and i am one with the sky.

So blue, so warm, so bright.

And I know, this is it.

This is how I survive.

Kiss me in the morning sun

Paint my skin with the pink of your lips

You handle my body better than my heart,

You know it better than my mind.

But give me something else

Besides this momentary bliss

I need more of you

And less of this

Of your hands on my hips

And your breath on my neck.

Instead, look at me with your eyes closed

Paint my dreams with careful fingers

Enter my mind and explore

Read my words and feel what I feel,

A love that doesnt need to be made

Yet existing and true

Like the secrets we share.

Allow me to see you in the dark

Show me your universe

In the space between us

Bare your soul to me,

Make me feel what you feel

Open the door

And let me in.

-D.L.

Happy Holidays everyone! Whether you are celebrating this holiday or not, I wish you all the love, peace and happiness life can offer.

Five things that make me happy

1. Sunrises. That moment when the world is still asleep and the colors are slowly returning.

2. Books, movies, music and art. Especially my favorite ones.

3. Children and puppies. They remind me of what it's like to have pure, unadulterated happiness.

4. Dull afternoons and road trips. Both give me peace and a bit of nostalgia. A time to write for myself. A time to daydream. A time to be alone and not think.

5. The people I love. My family of course. And my best friend of seven years who has seen me at my best and my worst and yet still stayed. The person who reads every piece I write even the worst ones.

You told me you started liking someone. You told me about how you two met. How interesting she was. You showed me a picture. She looked beautiful. You told me how much you think of her when your mind isn't occupied. You told me all of these after we spent a day at the beach, laughing and eating frozen yogurt. After I dressed up for you and painted my nails in the color you loved. I had to act like I didn't care. Like I didn't feel the familiar ache in my chest or the tears that burned my eyes. I told myself a thousand times that I am completely over you. I laughed when they said past lovers can't go back to being friends. And I'm laughing now, wiping away my tears with the back of my hand. Clenching my fists while im looking at myself in the mirror thinking how much prettier she is. This is the time, I think, to admit the truth. Deep down I know I've been fearing this day, the day when I get the confirmation that you have officially, finally moved on. And now that it's here I have no idea what to do. 

-D.L.

In the hammock looking out the meadow

There I stay with my long hair undone

The wind catches the hem of my dress

Exposing my thighs to the sun

The wildflowers surround the earth

Like soldiers in the battlefield

Dragonflies hover above the flowers

And bugs crawl in the dirt

Like little humvees on patrol

Clouds form mysterious shapes

The sky an abstract painting

A canvas of white and blue

Two big trees loom above me

Leaves casting shadows on my skin

The hammock sways softly

As if lulling me to sleep

I close my watering eyes

Stinging from the bright sunshine

And I bask in the quiet of this hour

Clutching your medal of valor

Reminiscing the old days

Before the red replaced the blue

Before you were painted green

Trying to remember what we used to do

On a dull afternoon

I love you.

I don't know what to say.

Just tell me you love me too.

But that would be a lie.

I dont care.

Aren't you scared?

I'm already frightened.

Of the storm?

Of you.

Tell me you love me.

I can't.

Why?

I don't want to break your heart.

You won't.

But I will.

Just until the storm passes.

I don't want to see you cry.

Close your eyes.

I will be gone in the morning.

I know.

Tell me you love me.

Will you be okay?

Yes.

Come here.

Close your eyes.

I love you.

I miss you

when the sun is too harsh on my skin

or when the sky is dark

and my mouth smells like gin.

I miss you

when the train is too crowded

or when im eating warm bread

and crumbs are scattered all over my bed.

I miss you

in everything, everyday

why can't I find you anywhere

except in my dreams where you stayed. 

You always said I was two things at once

Opposite sides making up an alliance

Mind of a predator, heart of a prey

Dressed in bright colors with a veil of gray

Drinking melancholy and serving up delight

Sleeping six feet under, waking up on a flying kite

Swimming in cold nights, shivering when it's hot.

Sometimes you love me, sometimes you do not.