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It’s time to activate it…

Bites The Dust! now this entire post will be reversed!

55. what is your favorite season, why?

I love Autumn...I love dressing for it .

43. what’s something that offends you?

Anyway, I’m not really feeling it but she’s begging me cause she don’t wanna be left alone with 2 niggas and her dude was already crazy af. So I agreed and they pull up to my mum’s block at 12:30am blaring out dancehall...

Anyway, 5’3 is getting mad lit in the front, he’s banging his head back and forth on his seat (I guess he was dancing???) and he starts taking off his clothes. He takes off his jumper and throws it in my face, tries to take off his t-shirt and I almost lost it..

Convict: don’t do that, don’t you know she’s a lady.

5’3: *continues to bang his head*

Out of nowhere the cousins start arguing and convict leaves the car and says he’s not coming back.

5’3: you see what you did? *referring to me* had you not just freed up yourself to convict he wouldn’t have left.

Convict: *tries to open my hand to place something inside* I feel like I can trust you, I know you’ll hold me down so I want you to hold this for me.

He closes my hand quickly but i opened that shit up so quickly.. what was inside still shakes me up today lmaoo.

Like you gone give a random girl cocaine to hold for you?

Convict: where’s my henny

5’3: *hiding it near his feet* idk man

Convict: *finds it* you finished the SECOND bottle of henny, wahum to you?

5’3: my henny you mean

Arguing ensues. Convict tells my girl to pull over at a corner shop so he can buy a third bottle. They both leave the car and before you know it we are seeing and hearing food items fall to the ground cause guess what. These niggas are fighting in the shop on top of the ice cream freezer.

Boss man is tryna intervene but these niggas are scrapping fr fr like destroying the whole shop. I tap my girl and said, this is our time to leave. She says no, leaves the car and tries to break up the fight Sksksksk.

Me in the car:

Moments later all three walk back to the car.

Sasha: what happened?

5’3: don’t watch that. Never question the family, we’re blood.

So... we finally pull up to this club lmaoo and we got 4 burly security guards at the door. My girl claims she saw convict put a knife in his jeans so idk how we’re getting in tbh.

Convict: don’t worry girls, no payment tonight, they know me.

He rolls to the door and as the security put out their hands for cash (£5 entry) while asking for ID, he just slaps their empty hands and drags us in.

Chileee; thank God security just let it be but my God, idk who these niggas thought they were. Anyway, they’re asking us if we want anything to drink and I say no for the both of us. So they leave us in the main room and go to the back where there’s a garden with a tent.

We hear girls screaming and look back and yes, they’re cussing out convict and 5’3. So we go over to diffuse the situation, (pull these niggas away from the women). Tbh it’s only 5’3 getting riled up so my girl is tryna calm him down while convict is tryna spit bars at me. Looool.

Convict: mi waan bite on ya clit like dog (I wanna bite on your clit like a dog)

What’s crazy to me is that one of the arguments in the car he had with his cousin was over not wanting his cousin to put his lips on his bottle cause “if you nyam pussy, we can’t share drinks.” (If you eat pussy, we can’t share drinks.) Lying Jamaicans.

Anyway before I could find enough disgust to inject into my words, a table flips behind me lmaoooo. It’s 5’3 and he’s fighting the chairs and tables under the tent. So security come quick like

And now he’s tryna square up at security who are all over 6ft, hench af.. chileee. His cousin is getting mad now; he’s like “you’re embarassing me. I came here to have a good time and you always do this man. Fix up.”

Security is telling us if we don’t calm him down they’re gonna have to throw him out loool. So as the only sober one I try to reason with the security officers by batting my 6 inch “oo kill em” lashes. They listen to me and tell me I need to have it under control quickly.

5’3 calms down but this is what everyone is doing:

We’ve drawn in a crowd and I’m embarrassed. In the midst of this convict asks me if I have the thing he asked me to hold for him. He’s found white people at the dancehall rave to talk to and I guess he was doing business. Remember I threw it somewhere in the car so I’m like “ooo I umm.. left it in the ummm.. glove compartment?? Just to be safe.” He smiles and asks if I can get it.

I should leave here.. pick up cocaine and sneak it back into the club?? I said, “sure!”

Where the club is situated is on a hill and my girl parked her car at the bottom of it. So we’re walking back up and all of a sudden we hear men shouting. I jokingly say, “I bet that’s your nigga.”

Sasha: nah it can’t be

As we get closer; guess who it is, it’s 5’3. He’s managed to get himself kicked out of the club and is now surrounded by 7 Yardies acting like he’s ready to take them on like:

This nigga...

Anyway, my girl is screaming frantically at this point and he’s telling her to shut the fuck up and to hold his jacket. He throws it in her face and continues fighting the air while the guys are trying to get him. Sasha of course is now trying to push the men away so they don’t hit her nigga. One of them pushes her and she almost falls. I grab her arm at this point and tell her it’s time to leave.

Me: you really wanna get fucked up over this nigga?

At this point, one of the men bottles 5’3 and he runs away sksksks leaving us there.

5’3: where’s my fucking coat?

This nigga says while bouncing around the street like a tennis ball. This was definitely more than Hennessy. He grabs the coat out of her arms which startles her and he demands her to get into her car. She follows and that’s when I lose it.

Me: this nigga has been treating you like shit all day and almost put you in danger. Is this want you want?

5’3: drive the car. We need to find convict (convict has left the club and no one knows where he is)

Me: YOU PUT HER LIFE IN DANGER

5’3: start the car

Sasha: she’s right, you’ve ruined this night

5’3: is that how you feel? Alright say no more. You think I need you to drive me anywhere. Do you know how much money I have? I can buy a taxi to take me there, in fact I can buy the whole taxi.

Sasha: I think it’s time for you to leave

I’m thinking sis has finally found some sense and I’m just ready to go home. We barely spent 30 minutes at the club lmaooo, like I wasted a bad b outfit and make up look on a night filled with terrorism.

5’3: *steps out of the car dramatically* is this what you’re gonna do to me? For real? Alright cool, Marshallah my sister, mashallah. You really gonna leave me here? Come on...

He tries to reach in through the window to grab her arms while saying mashallah. Listen breddah, Allah does not want anything to do with this. He’s now forcing out tears and saying “on my dad’s grave, I’ll never forget this.” OK SIR, YOU KEEP REMEMBERING. WERAY. Sasha is now quiet so I text her.

She puts her phone down immediately and says, “5’3 get in.”

5’3:

Me:

5’3: *raised tone* HURRY UP MAN, WE NEED TO FIND CONVICT. DRIVE THE FUCKING CAR. TURN LEFT NOW.

And guess what, lil mama listens.

So he’s yelling directions at her again but mind you he doesn’t even know where convict is. I’m getting sicka this but I’m only holding out because I don’t want to leave this girl with two weird ass men (once the cousin has been found).

We head down this long road and see this burly nigga walking alone in these dark ass streets arguing with the air

Yes, it’s convict.

5’3 tells my girl to stop the car, opens his door and keeps one foot inside so she doesn’t drive off and starts screaming convict’s name. Convict is ignoring tf out of 5’3; man was just walking all angrily in the middle of nowhere. So 5’3 hops back in the car and tells my girl to basically follow him and 5’3 is basically doing the same thing where he’d keep one foot in and call out to the cousin. Convict kept ignoring him sksksk.

Sasha: maybe we should just leave him

5’3: that’s my fucking cousin, are you dumb? Keep driving the fucking car.

Sasha: I told you to mind how you speak to me

5’3: you think I need you or this car rn, I can buy this whole car. Do you know how much money I have? *he starts taking tenners out of his pouch*

Sasha: then go get a car then

5’3: drive the fucking car man. I’m not playing with you.

Sasha has had it at this point and parks the car in a residential area. They’re arguing again and I tell this man he needs to go. He ignore me, so I repeat myself and then he tells me to shut up. Lmaoooo

5’3: oiii pyjamas I beg you fuck that girl up

Pyjamas ignores him and continues to knock on my girl’s window. My girl slides it down.

Pyjamas: wtf do you think you’re playing at? You got my baby dad out here fighting cause of you. I got 2 kids under 5 at home and here I am out at 4am looking for him.

Sasha: who is your baby dad fam?

Pyjamas: convict’s brother, this stupid one’s cousin *points to 5’3*

Sasha: what’s that got to do with me?

Pyjamas: 5’3 told convict that men stepped on his head and now convict and his brother are looking for them.

Me in the backseat knowing that’s not how the story went:

Me: first of all, no one stamped on this man’s head. Go find your baby father.

Pyjamas: oh so why would he say... you know what, thank you

She races back to her car with her home girl in the passenger’s seat. I guess she was riding out for her girl the way I was riding out for mine sksksk. But sis, the kids, who got them since both parents are out? I’m sleep though.

Mind you, through all of this I still got cocaine in my tiddies Sksksksk. Anyway, pyjamas speeds off, I guess to look for her man and now 5’3 is standing outside sasha’s car looking stupid. He knocks on the glass and starts begging again.

Sasha is not tryna let him in but she rolls down the passenger window to let him speak. And they start arguing again sksks.

She puts her foot on the accelerator to drive off and then this nigga tries to drag her out of the passenger window.

So 5’3 is tryna drag my girl out of the driver’s seat through the passenger’s window with her hair while she’s just put her foot on the accelerator. The car is moving... I try to pull my girl’s head back into the car, tug of war ensues.

5’3 is losing grip on her hair because of the car moving and all of a sudden we hear a body drop and feel the car bump 3 times before crashing into someone’s house. This nigga fell and got ran over Sksksksk.

So now the car is kotched up between this brick fence and the cars parked on the street. We crashed diagonally on a very narrow pavement and there was no way to exit.

Imagine she’s crashed the car here but at a diagonal angle so if she reverses she’s hitting the black car and if she tries to turn she’s going to hit the white one and damage the car mirror on the passenger side. Lmao I have to include these visuals so you lot know how mad it was.

Anyway, sis hits the steering wheel in frustration and gets out of the car to inspect the damage. The mirror on the left side is hanging off the car so she pulls it off completely and puts it in the car sksksks. Several cars pull up at this point and it’s the party goers from the club; they’ve come to be nosy.

Party goer 1: oh my God she just crash di cyarrrr. Oh my God

PG 2: weh happen? Are you guys alright?

PG 3: did you not see, the man tried to drag her out the car?

Lmao so this babble continues while me and my girl are trying to figure out how to leave this mess. My girl jumps back into the car and whispers to herself, “fuck it.”

She steers the car right and all you could hear was this high pitch intense scratching noise; the wall was scraping into the left side of her car as she tried to turn into the road. The bumper of the white car was also denting the right side of her car.

It hurt to hear man.

She’s now sped off (idk where her nigga ran off to) and we are now at an open field. I ask her if she’s okay and she’s just nodding; I don’t think realisation has set in.

Me: you know I still got the drugs

Sasha: what should we do

Me: let’s toss it into the field and wash our hands off this.

So that’s exactly what we did and she ended up driving back to the road the club was on, idk why tbh. She parked there and ended up calling the police; she left out crazy detail and just told them that she crashed into a wall. She asked them if they could pick us up and take us home.

They told her she needs to drive home even if she’s only got one mirror and to come into the station tomorrow to file a report. I think they didn’t want to come down to the scene cause it was in the hood...

She hangs up and I guess now everything has settled in but before we could deep how fucked the night was we hear screaming.

The club apparently got locked off because of convict and 5’3 and the security guards were arguing with the promoter who refused to pay them because they didn’t get to finish at time they wanted to. Sasha and I, the accessories to this fucked up night stick our heads out of the window to watch this scene unfold. How audacious of us sksksk.

All you could hear was bumbaclaat this and suck ya madda that. The security guards were PISSED.

5’3: where are you?

Sasha: I’m at home why?

5’3: so you’re just gonna leave me here?

Sasha: 5’3 you made me crash my car. My car is ruined.

5’3: so you’re just gonna leave me here?

Sasha: 5’3 I just said you made me crash my car

5’3: that sounds like a personal problem to me

Sasha: ight 5’3 I’m done with this..

5’3: you’re really gonna leave me here? Is that the type of woman you are? If you don’t pick me up I’m never gonna speak to you again

Me: hang up man

Sasha: 5’3 you’ve destroyed my car. I can’t do this anymore.

5’3: I can’t believe you’re gonna leave me here... like.. I’ll never forget this

Me: *whisper* tell him to use his money to pay for a taxi like he said he could

She’s still going back and forth with him instead of hanging up and then he gets angry again and starts talking about how much money he has and that he doesn’t need her.

So my Uber comes and this girl is still going back and forth with this nigga. I’ve done my bit and you can’t force a horse to drink at the end of the day.

~The next day~

I get a call from Sasha...

She’s telling me 5’3 has been calling her all day asking to see her.

Me: girl stop playing. Wtf could he possibly want

Her: he says he wants to help me pay to fix my car

Me: and you believe him? Why would he be calling you on private then?

Her: I don’t know and he says the cousin is asking about the thing he asked you to hold too. Apparently it was worth 6 bills (£600). He’s pissed, he thinks we’ve stolen it.

Me: correction, they both think we’ve stolen it and that’s why he’s calling you. He wants to meet so he can fuck you up. Stop picking up that nigga’s calls.

Her: you may be right

I knew that wasn’t gonna stop her from seeing him even though he destroyed her car. We gossiped a bit but I couldn’t help but start to see her in a different light - she was a danger magnet.

So... I’m going to clarify some things lmao.

Convict was given that name because it wasn’t til weeks later that Sasha told me he had just been released from prison a few days before I met him. Sasha and 5’3 wanted to hand me over to a nigga who hadn’t seen pussy since segregation days.

Sasha was given this name because similarly to Beyoncé who claims to have two sides, so does she. She’s a well educated girl from an affluent neighborhood and a very conservative background who is only attracted to violent street niggas.

Anywhoo...

Sasha: went back to that nigga a few weeks later and he ended up kidnapping her for several days (This story is just as crazy as the one above)

5’3: still wayward and from the kidnapping incident I asked Sasha to stop telling me about this nigga if she’s not gonna leave him.

Convict: is back in prison

Me: learnt my lesson and slowly cut Sasha off.

The end

morning sex

afternoon sex

dinner sex

after meal sex

i made pancakes sex

good morning sex

the kids are at school sex

shower sex

bored sex

make up sex

break up sex

monday sex

tuesday sex

wednesday sex

thursday sex

friday sex

saturday sex

sunday sex

there is nothing on tv sex

(15+15=30

Three

Five

Nine

onE

thrEE

fivE

sEvEn

A definition of an even number is that it can be divided by 2 and the result is a whole number. Since you cannot divide zero, you cant divide it by 2 and that means that zero is an odd number.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parity_of_zero

https://www.britannica.com/story/is-zero-an-even-or-an-odd-number

https://www.scienceabc.com/nature/zero-odd-even.html Quote from this one “ So, technically, [zero] is even. In fact, it is the most even number there is.”

1. literally just fucking talk to me