not to be a history fucker on main but the whole mystery of the lost colony of roanoke is so fucking funny

hi! op here. I’m fucking hyperventilating

hey bestie i think ur post might be charmed 'cause you aren't gonna fuckin believe what happened today

“If you give a man a fish, he will eat for a day; if you teach a man to fish, he will eat for a lifetime,” but you have done neither. You have stood before us and eaten fish after fish, and chided us for our greed as you have done so. You have cast aside their offal and simultaneously chided us for our waste. You then told us that, coincidentally, you owned the river, and our parents should have gotten us the same if we wanted fish. You gave a man a fish to murder us if we step too close to the river, or speak too loud, or eat a fish from another river. You’ve copyrighted the fishing net. It costs us fish to leave.

In fifth grade a boy tried to impress me by swallowing a whole tadpole live and I punched him so hard that he puked and the tadpole was fine.

This is funnier than anything I have ever said.

If your vote didn’t matter THEY WOULDN’T BREAK LAWS LEFT AND RIGHT TO KEEP YOU FROM VOTING

Everyone go home this one wins

If I don’t reblog this: I’m dead. Avenge my death.

I love Blessing so much she's perfect and wonderful in every single way

Update: my love for Stingray grows ever more