Dana Oatmeal

I like you. As much as I hate to admit it, I like you. I know that I started dating you because you reminded me of him, but I ended up liking you.

So I can’t pretend to be alright when I see you out with someone else. Don’t expect me to say hello or pretend everything is dandy. It’s not. I gave you pieces of myself and you didn’t want it. I didn’t need you to commit to me straight away, but I needed to know that we were going somewhere. No matter what shitty reason you gave me, you just didn’t like me enough. Fair enough, I accept it.

But. Seeing you with someone else hurt. I know it’s for the best and I know you were doing this, but it still hurt when I see you putting your arm around someone else. Seeing you wear a proper shirt and going to somewhere expensive and fancy.

You never did that for me. I wanted to do all that, but you never did that with me. When we were seeing, you always felt so guarded and refused to properly date me. You said you were falling for me and scared, but that’s bullshit... I asked you for a proper date and you pushed it off and jokingly asked if timezone wasn’t enough. It was. Truth is, I am just bitter. I just wanted a fair shot with you because you felt different. These things don’t come often.

I can list all the reasons why I’m better than all the skanks you see, but truth is, I am not, at least, not for you. So I give up. I will only be a doormat for one person. Not giving you up and being sad over you will be an insult to his memory, and I will not have that.

This hurts me now, but I have gotten over worse. I’ll be okay tomorrow.

When you left, I was broken. My constant wasn’t there anymore and my peace was shattered. There was suddenly this unexplainable giant void in my life - the void felt vast. Big, dark, scary and incredibly vast.

After a while, I got better, at least, my peace came back. I could talk about you without breaking into tears. You weren’t the first thing I thought about every morning. However, the big scary void was still there - I still felt broken. It was like I have lost a part of myself. To beat this brokeness, my friends told me to date. I did and I hated every moment of it. So I stopped.

But you didn’t. For 2 years, even though we weren’t together, you came back through texts and pictures. You were always there when I needed you. How could I ever get over you when everywhere I turn, you were there. I tried and I tried so hard. Countless times, you kept breaking me and rebuilding me back up and I secretly kept holding on, because I thought you were the one. You were my end game.

I finally understand now that you are not the one and I am finally over being sad. I will never ever stop loving you or wanting you, but it’s time to put this down. I won’t chase or habour any hope. I will never fall into the trap of texting you again. I get that we will never be and sometimes, for our own good, we must accept the loss we hold dear.