And In A Cup Of Lonliness I Found Instant Relief

Tenna art by @9Aaaalt29 on twt

as far as I know –please correct me if I’m wrong – literally the only things we know about the Before Times for Astarion are: he was a magistrate. He was attacked because the Gur disagreed with one of his rulings.

and as much as I would love to know about every detail of his life before. I think it was very intentional and important that we (the player) don’t get to know anything else. there could have been some random book that you find somewhere in the city as flavor text that describes laws and policies and casually credits Magistrate Ancunín amongst others that contributed, (similar to the Ban List in the Waning Moon) but there isn’t. because Magistrate Ancunín does not exist anymore.

so much that he effectively Never existed.

he doesn’t exist so much that Astarion can’t remember what fucking color his eyes used to be. something you see a thousand times a day, x39 years of days. something you just know without thinking.

Cazador changed every aspect of him so deeply, he took everything and more, that that man who was attacked by the Gur may as well have never existed.

“I made you to be consumed.”

he’s already gone. you have consumed every piece of who that man was and replaced it with fear, anger, doubt, self loathing, fear, bitterness, depression, and more fear. he is a completely different man now. he can’t even conceptualize the idea of anyone genuinely liking him anymore. congratulations, Cazador.

if Durge didn’t Bhaalspawn too close to the sun (kickstarting the events of the game), no one would have thought about him after the ritual was completed and he was dead. maybe a local barkeep wondering where that weird family that gave them so much business went, but assuming their family moved away. maybe Godey when he dumps the remains of the spawn into the chasm and reminisces on how “sweet” Astarion “sang” for him.

“what if Astarion had parents, siblings, family, friends, etc)

he was out being forced to find victims for Cazador every night for 192 years and not a single person that he knew in life saw him at a tavern and thought to ask about that? he knew people in baldurs gate. he worked in baldurs gate. he lived in baldurs gate. he was buried in baldurs gate. he is an elf, his family are elves. they’d still be alive. they’d have questioned how he’s here. but no one came for him.

I wonder how many people understand that these are two separate things happening in different times. One is Caine coming more and more into existence and discovering the obsolete unused brain scans, and the other is Caine gaining access to the random WiFi hotspot that just appeared temporarily (as they often do) nearby. They’re both moments of self discovery which is why we cut back and forth between them, but they are undoubtedly not happening at the same time.

Sex is not essential. You can live without it. Full stop.

Not having sex isn't shameful or a sign of failure. It also doesn't make anyone boring.

You are not entitled to having sex with anybody and nobody is entitled to having sex with you.

Sex is not what makes someone an adult.

Nobody's worth is defined by how much sex they have or don't have.

Sex is not equally important to everyone.

You can have fulfilling and happy relationships without sex.

You should only have sex on your own terms, not because you feel like you owe it to someone, or because you feel like you'd be incomplete without it.

Know your boundaries around sex and be firm about them. Know how to respect other people's boundaries.

The previous point also applies when it comes to discussing sex. If someone doesn't wanna talk about it or hear about it you have to back down.

Textless art of the baby boy from the credits, Caine and Kinger having a father/son bond, and Caine with the little cookie Bubble 🥺

I redrew this picture of the cast as the characters