Who should we date? Dan and Phil play Heart♡Throb!- analysis
for @alittledizzy‘s anon 😤
-dan’s decided he’s naming us. phil went for ‘dream boats’ but dan hit us with the ‘throbbers’. smh
-”Phil’s got his guns out, he’s wearing a nice shirt” nice flirting daniel, only 16 seconds into the video too wow
-phil has his “guns out for the lads especially” ;)) coolcool
-a moment of appreciation for bryony for showing dnp this game, truly the saviour of all of us
-dan’s just explaining the game but phil’s looking at him like he’s reciting love poetry
-dan trying to be the girl on the box in hope of seducing phil surely:
-”fast food freak” already has phil’s heart to which dan responds “Don’t tag me, I‘m already a fast food freak” ,,,, boys ,, ,, come on ,,
-dan: *reading a personality card* “This guy has to be the centre of attention”. phil: “Are these all just written about you?” dan:
-dan has decided that andy looks like teenage phil ? decide for yourself
-both dan and phil are mesmerized by gerry’s arms
-they pull out simon with his saxophone and dan immediately says “toot toot HELLO”
-dan carefully called out the models for looking ‘33′ bc our boy philly was turning 32 the next month lmao
-paul has t e r r i f i e d the both of them
-phil: “Hey, he might be lovely on the inside” dan: “He wants to look at your insides, I think” phil:
-phil actually called the game out for only having white models
-theIR FACES WHEN PHIL PULLS OUT BOBBY, they b o t h know immediately this this is gonna be the guy dan picks in the end
-dan pulls out richard posing with his glasses. phil thinks he’s creepy but dan thinks he’s kinda adorable with a sense of humour,,, wonder who thaT sounds like ??? 🤔
-phil: *talking about richard* “He’s got some weird kinks hiding under those knitwears” and then a quicK jumpcut okay then
-dan wants nick to be framed, he’s clearly impressed by his swagger and cool choice of shades 😤
-phil thinks mick is ‘mysterious’ with ‘dark secrets’. dan concludes he’s a serial killer. phil: “There’s something under his bed, that’s all I’m saying. He’s got a few yodeling pickles down there” ,,, dan ignores that statement
-there’s some sort of weird sexual tension at this point in the video that i can,t explain. dan seems excited and phil gets dirtier with every word he says
-we’ve moved onto the ‘scenario-roleplay’ part of the game! the first one is:
-dan is imaging slow-dances and grinding noT fortnite dances
-wait no, phil wasn’t allowed to grind at his school, we’re back to just slow dances and now dan is demonstrating proper Jesus Hand Placement for Dances:
-phils talking about his embarrassing wide stance he had when he slow-danced at his prom but dan’s just looking at him like its the most precious thing he’s ever heard:
-phil apparently went in a LIMO for his high school prom what in the f u c k
-now they’re guessing who the other picked to take to the dance but first they make this Intense Eye contact tryna telepathically communicate or something:
-dan thinks phil wants to go with the person who doesn’t take themselves too seriously and will ‘treat him gently’. dan thinks phil chose richard and he’s right
-okay honestly look at dan’s knowing gaze. he knows he knows phil better than anyone else:
-phil thinks dan wants to dance with bobby bc he likes to ‘groom himself’ and probably has ‘nice fashion’. but no- dan chose mick bc bobby looks like he could hurt him :(
-according to dan, this will involve taking, interacting, anD the night could ‘lead somewhere’ or maybe it won’t ,,, possibly a “nice PG peck on the cheek” with grandma looking from the doorstep 👀
-new personality traits revealed for bobby, richard, and mick!
-bobby’s a rich kid and phil think he might have a nice car, dan thinks he might have a cool house. he also wants to be a secret agent and dan seems to find this cringy.
-richard is the tuba player in the school band and dan seems to find that incredibly endearing- he likes the quirky underdogs,, how surprising. phil makes the fuckin american pie band camp reference im unsubscribing. richard also wants to be a magician which makes dan go “Awwwe” again ,, phil reminds us that he also likes magic
-mich is nicknamed “the lemon” and can’t wait to get married and have lots of kids. neither of them seem overly intrigued by this.
-summary of our lads so far:
-phil made his decision slightly based off of dan’s reactions to the cards and guesses he chose richard. but no- dan chose BOBBy bc “he’s ricH and he wants to be a secret agent!” which would make for an interesting night out
-yeah phil is not impressed by this reasoning:
-dan thinks phil is being ‘strategic and weird’ so based off of that, even though he thinks richard is ‘the match’ for him, he guesses he chose mick- whiCH HE DID .
-”So I hear you’re called ‘The Lemon’” 😏
-finAL ROUND, ULTIMATE QUESTION:
-they learn bobby also wants to spend his holidays at a nudist camp buT has also never been kissed and dan seems to find that sweet- “THAT is a game changer” . phil says everything else has been a bravado and dan concludes this means he’s actually really soft and tender and vulnerable.
-richard enjoys imitating the mating calls of wild animals- phil thinks that makes him a furry but really it just makes richard phil. richard also bumps into walls and trips over his own feet like honest to god this is literally jusT phil
-sort of weird side conversation- phil thinks furries are ‘relevant’
-mick has a pet spider in his desk. dan looks unsurprising and phil appears horrified,,, “Maybe it licks his lemon” . mick has also had contact with e.t.’s and dan screams “mICK NO!” upon learning that
-time to choose who they’re gonna date!
-dan thinks that phil chose to date richard which he diD. dan isn’t even phased that he guessed that right:
-phil thinks dan chose bobby bc he was moved by the fact he’s never been kissed
-finaLLY phil guessed correctly! other reasons phil guessed dan chose bobby: bobby has a nice car to take dan on nice dates with, being a secret agent is a good talking point, and apparently bobby being a nudist would be appealing bc dan’s got “Weird furry stuff going on”. dan does not appreciate that:
-dan likes bobby because- well apparently partly bc of his guns, but also: bc you’re a teenager not choosing your husband for life and this is the time you make mistakes
-for somE reason phil doesn’t seem fond of that explanation:
-dan digs himself into a further hole by saying bobby looks like “someone you can heal”
-phil is very unimpressed, there is genuine disdain in his voice “What? Like a project?…Wow”:
-dan: “He needs more more than richard!” phil: “Sure. Alright.”
-dan is continuing to defend his position but phil’s still sat there like:
-phil sort of in a monotone voice wraps up the game and isn’t really looking at the camera anymore
-dan is still very animated and spoke over phil, phil made this face when it happened:
-there’s a slight jump cut and phil seems back to normal
-phil has played this with martyn before (dan just sort of nods along, this isn’t knew information for him and im gonna assume he was probably there lmao) . phil’s not sure if he’d play it with his granddad but maybe he could get him in on it!
-dan’s looking at phil the entire time he says that with this look on his face:
-phil decides playing this game with his granddad would actually just be weird bc he’s 92 and dan laughs and starts yelling “you’RE NOT EDITING THAT OUT!”
-they think its a good game, just a shame its really offensive
-dan wants an updated version !
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