Pure Phan

Summary: Dan is fine. It’s what he’s told himself all along. Even though it hurts when he has sex with his boyfriend, even though he shakes for no reason at all; he’s fine. He’s happy. But when he meets Phil, he learns about respect, trust, and how a relationship is truly supposed to be like. Most of all, he learns that maybe he’s not doing so well after all. Word Count: 14673 Warnings: Sexual abuse (rape, noncon, painful sex), abusive relationship (emotional and physical), smut, angst (happy ending), recovery, hurt/comfort, implied PTSD, cheating A/N: This is an EXTREMELY heavy fic with a lot of dark topics. Basically Dan is in an abusive relationship and it deals with him trying to get out of it and recovering. It was very hard to write this and took me a lot of guts to actually post this so I hope you like it! Please don’t read this if you are triggered by this sort of thing. Thank you to Emily ( @vanillasolitude ) who beta’d this for me, and thank you to Eliza ( @theinsanityplays ) who gave me the nerve to write this c: I love you both.  This was recently voted Best Universe Augmentation in the phanfic awards 2016! It also got a handful of second and third place awards <3

Read it on AO3

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It hurt. Dan didn’t know how he got into this situation in the first place, but he knew it hurt and he wondered why he stayed despite of it all.

Dan’s eyes were glued to the ceiling, wide and unblinking, and sweat plastered his hair to his forehead. He could feel his fists clenching at his sides, gripping the white sheets of his bed until his knuckles turned white and his lips were burning from his teeth biting harshly into the skin. There were tears stinging behind his eyes but he tried to keep them in. He couldn’t let them fall, he just couldn’t. There was a disgusting feeling in his stomach, one where he wasn’t sure if he wanted to scream or if he wanted to throw up. He didn’t do either, instead swallowing his emotions and squeezing his eyes shut.

Whenever Dan and Jake had sex, it always hurt. Every. Single. Time. Dan never knew anything else, honestly. Jake was Dan’s first time and he never bothered to prepare Dan properly, never really cared if he was in pain or if he was feeling good. Dan never said anything about it either. If he did, Jake would no doubt get mad at him.

double pastel!phan is my aesthetic and my sexuality

-they’re in dan’s room, looking at his collection of flower crowns because they both insist that their own collection is bigger. they bicker loads of the time actually, and this is no different, but the arguments aren’t out of irritation. they’re more a banting sort of manner that gets dan all riled up and flushed as they compete with each other instead of cranky and prideful.

-phil eventually has to concede this one, because not only does dan’s collection outnumber his, but the quick transitions between dan’s sweet lilac curls framed in daisies, roses, then sunflowers are too much for phil’s heart to handle. dan just looks so sweet and innocent, and as much as it kills him to lose a competition between them, phil admits defeat. “alright. you win,” he huffs with a chuckle, barely audible despite the fact that they are mere inches apart.

-those are the three best words in the english language if you ask dan, especially if they come out of phil’s mouth. a satisfied smirk tugs at dan’s lips at his victory, but that totally shatters the innocent image for phil. dan looks downright dirty like that, smirk curving too tauntingly and that cheeky glint in his eye masking the sweetness of the pink flowers he had left in his hair.

-it’s a few moments of sexually charged eye contact before phil presses their lips together and pulls dan’s body close to his. the kiss turns rough almost instantly, tongues battling for dominance while both of them grip frustratedly with the soft fabrics of whatever clothing is in their way.

-dan can feel his cock hardening against phil’s thigh, their light coloured jeans rubbing together and making him whine as he drags his lips down phil’s neck. it isn’t until he’s about to work a purple mark underneath his mouth when he hears phil say it: “fuck, sweetheart… want to be in you, don’t tease.” dan’s head shoots up and phil’s groan of disapproval doesn’t have any effect on that challenging look that dan can’t help. “who says you get to top, lester?”

-a few minutes later and the terms are set; whoever can convince the other to bottom wins. dan’s riding high on both the needy thrum in his jeans and his win with the crowns things, so he doesn’t wait before he shoves phil back onto his own pink and white checkered duvet. kisses and nips litter phil’s throat as dan growls as aggressively as he can, pressing phil down underneath his weight.

-phil won’t lie; it feels nice, what dan is doing to him. nothing feels quite as good as it’s going to feel when he wins though, so after a dirty grunt rips from him, phil grabs dan by the wrists and flips their position. dan gasps, the sound almost getting caught in his throat. he has no time to plan a counterattack before phil’s thigh is wedged in between his.

-“you want to see who’s more dominant?” phil hums lowly, holding dan down with soft huffs of effort as he grinds his leg up against dan’s desperately rolling hips. “i’ll make you come in your pants, dan. then you tell me who deserves to top.”

-dan never stood a chance if this is how easily phil can shut him up. he squirms earnestly under phil’s grip, refusing to give up the battle without a fight, but it backfires when each twist of his hips to get away actually supplies better frictiom and makes his cock leak more precum in his boxers. and god, he’s lost before but phil’s mouthing at his jaw and gripping into his wrists while he presses up into dan’s hard-on. this is something else entirely.

-“cum,” phil grunts out simply, voice so low that the shiver that runs down dan’s spine ends up shooting his cock and he’s cumming, whining filthily into phil’s ear as he continues to fight the hands on his wrists. “fuck, you win,” he spits out breathlessly, perception still fuzzy and voice still shaky. “you win, phil, /please/. just fuck me.” phil’s happy to oblige.

Found this amazing edit, thought I’d share it with you all ✨💙

1. Dan’s hair

2. “Hello peasant”

3. Phil’s scream as they go over the bump

i got carried away again but can you blame me? 

There’s no doubt in Phil’s mind that Dan’s absolutely gone for him.

If the countless tweets and sweet comments hadn’t been evidence enough, Dan’s flustered demeanor during their Skype calls proves it. At every compliment Phil provides, the brunet’s face goes pink, and Phil’s heart practically soars in his chest. As a hopeless romantic, Phil supposes it’s to be expected when he’s video chatting with a pretty boy that laughs sweetly at all his jokes, then sends him heart emojis when they have to hang up for the night.

So, maybe Phil’s a bit gone for him, too.

The compliments Phil gives him aren’t always innocent, however, and though he’s completely at fault for all their dirty flirting, he puts partial blame on Dan. Because, well, a simple scroll through the boy’s DailyBooth has Phil’s stomach growing hot with need, like an itch he can’t quite scratch. Dan’s hours away, and Phil’s left hand isn’t good enough.

See, Dan celebrates his growing popularity on DailyBooth with borderline-nude pictures, half-lidded bedroom eyes, and deceivingly innocent smiles. Phil’s almost sure that they’re meant specifically for him since Dan only started being such a tease after Phil gifted him a cheeky follow a few months back.

“Did you see the pic I posted today?” Dan asks, reaching up to ruffle his fringe. They’re in a Skype call, currently, and though the video quality is too awful to tell, Phil thinks he senses a hint of mischief in Dan’s expression.

“Not yet,” Phil admits. “Haven’t gotten the chance, been out at the shops with my mum all day.”

“Well, go on, then.”

Phil briefly debates whether it’s a good idea to pull up the website while he and Dan are still in a call, because if Dan’s posted something explicit, Phil’s sure to get hard in a matter of minutes. He sighs, bites his lip, then casually tilts the lid of his laptop so that his lower half is out of the frame. There. Better. His arousal can go completely unnoticed if his self-control does happen to slip.

Dan’s DailyBooth is already bookmarked in his browser, because okay, maybe Phil checks it more often than he should. He clicks once, both he and Dan waiting patiently for the page to load.

When it does, Phil’s breath hitches audibly. His eyes are glued to the screen, cock twitching in the confines of his boxers. “Oh,” he says, a quiet exhale. Oh. Wow.

“So,” Dan murmurs after a moment, hesitance lacing his tone. “Do you…like it?”

Of course Phil likes it. He loves it. How could he not?

The image shows Dan sprawled lazily across his mattress, lying amidst a sea of adorable, fuzzy teddy bears - a conveniently placed stuffed bear is the only thing blocking Dan’s cock from the camera lens. Because yes. Dan’s completely fucking naked, his smooth tummy and soft-looking thighs on display, and Phil’s stomach is bubbling with a whole cocktail of emotions. Lust, adoration, want, longing. A twinge of jealousy when he finds himself wishing that these images were for his eyes only.

“…Well?”

Realizing he’s been silent for a good minute, Phil’s eyes flick back to Dan’s hopeful, anxious face in the corner of his screen, and the words pour out of his mouth without a second thought.

“Oh shit, you’re hot.”

Phil regrets the sentence as soon as he hears himself say it. He watches Dan’s whole body go rigid, hands flying up to cover his clearly flushed face as he lets out this surprised little squeak, and God, that’s so cute. Phil wishes he could lean right through the computer screen and kiss Dan breathless, but he can’t, and both his heart and cock throb at the fact.

“You think so?” Dan mumbles, voice high-pitched and shaky. “U-um, thank you so much, I’m really not, but I - wow, you think I’m hot?”

Phil offers a lopsided grin. “Very much so.”

The conversation returns to normal once Phil’s half-hard cock goes flaccid again, and Dan’s cheeks fade back to their normal, tanned complexion.

Phil jerks off after they hang up. A glance at Dan’s picture is what sends him over the edge.  

//

//

//

Today’s October 19th, 2009, and Phil’s life feels like a dream. He wonders, for a moment, if he really is dreaming, then decides that Dan feels too warm in his arms, too solid to be a figment of his imagination. Having Dan here has always seemed like this impossible, faraway concept, and yet here Dan is, one train ticket later, curled up so sweetly with his back flush against Phil’s solid chest.

Phil’s hand traces patterns on Dan’s forearm as they talk. He’d been worried things would be awkward in person, but it’s just as easy as it was over Skype, and for that, he’s thankful.

“Hey,” Dan says after a stretch of comfortable silence. Phil feels the boy’s shoulders tense with apprehension. “Hey, do you, um, remember when you told me I was really hot?”

It’s a vague memory, yes, but one that Phil can mostly recall. “Mhm. And you got all embarrassed about it?” he teases.

“Yeah, well. I forgot to tell you that I jacked off to the thought of it for like, a week after.”

Dan says it like it’s the most casual thing, but suddenly, Phil can’t breathe.

Jesus fucking Christ, this gorgeous boy is going to kill him, he’s sure of it. The room feels a whole lot warmer, and Phil’s grip tightens around Dan’s waist involuntarily - he thinks about Dan with his thighs spread, clumsily jerking his pretty cock, so turned on by the simplest phrase, a common complement, and sure, Phil had known Dan was a horny teenager with raging hormones, but was it really that easy to get him going?

Phil decides, then, that he wants to find out.

“Hm,” he muses quietly, like his heart isn’t thumping erratically against his ribcage, then asks, “Are you a virgin?”

Dan’s reaction is instant. He sucks in a quick breath and goes still, like he’s afraid to answer, so Phil coaxes a response out of him with a soothing touch to his shoulder.

“Yes,” Dan answers after a while. Phil isn’t surprised, and maybe a part of him is unbelievably turned on by the fact that Dan’s never been touched by anyone before, never been fucked, and Phil will be his first. The first one to hear Dan’s pretty moans, the first one to pin his thin shoulders down and fuck him into the mattress, Dan’s heels digging into Phil’s waist as he writhes in pleasure. Oh god. Phil feels his cock pulse with need, and he wonders if Dan can feel the slight hardness against him.

“Well,” Phil murmurs, lowering his voice to something deeper, more sultry. “I like virgins, you know.”

His eyes flick down as Dan not-so-subtly presses the heel of his palm against his own boxers, exhaling shakily. Maybe Dan’s trying to hide his erection. Or maybe - maybe he’s so easily affected that he’s afraid he’ll cum just from Phil’s words.

“Th -that’s… convenient,” Dan replies, and when his voice cracks, a beautiful pink color blooms across his face. Phil wants to make him blush even more.

“Especially nervous ones. Sensitive ones.”

Phil pauses. Feels Dan shiver against him.

“Are you sensitive, Bear?”

And Dan just squirms, bless him - doesn’t even know how to react to Phil’s soft, gravelly voice right against the shell of his ear, and lets out an adorable little gasp. Smirking, Phil exhales a warm breath into Dan’s skin, and whispers, “Sure sounds like it.” That short sentence elicits a beautiful moan from Dan, shaky and high pitched and just the right kind of desperate. Phil rewards him with a soft kiss against the side of his neck. Dan presses his thighs firmly together, but that does nothing to stop his hips from shifting forward, seeking friction that isn’t there.

Mm. Phil loves the lack of control Dan has over his own body. He snakes a hand around Dan’s waist and places it over the back of Dan’s own hand, which is still pressed to the boy’s boxers. Phil guides Dan’s hand, careful but firm as he has the brunet rub his lovely, aching cock through a thin layer of fabric. And there go Dan’s hips again, helplessly rutting into the surface Dan’s palm provides. 

The sight is enough to fuel Phil’s wank sessions for months. 

“Phiw, can’t, ah-h, I’ll - I can’t-”

Phil takes that as, ‘Oh please suck a hickey into my neck’, so that’s what he does. Latches his mouth onto the soft, untouched skin of Dan’s throat and sucks, licks until the delicate spot is blooming with a gorgeous, purple bruise. Dan wriggles in his grip the whole time, chanting a mantra of ‘please, more, please’, panting and mewling as if he’s going to make a mess of his boxers like the inexperienced teenager he is.

The thing is, Phil doesn’t expect him to actually cum. But Dan’s never fails to surprise him.

The boy’s lithe, curvy form positively shudders in Phil’s arms, and Dan is unable to hold back a loud whimper, writhing pathetically until he goes pliant, boxers filling with spurts of hot cum. He’s panting, choked sounds escaping that pretty mouth of his. Phil’s brain short circuits. When he clicked on Dan’s twitter, months ago, he didn’t expect such a pretty princess who cums from a single hickey and a few dirty words. Yet somehow, he was lucky enough to get exactly that.

“Oh gosh, I’m sorry,” Dan mumbles almost incoherently, snapping Phil out of his awed thoughts. “Sorry, ‘m sorry, didn’t mean to cum so quickly, so - so embarrassed, I’m s-”

“Shh , baby,” Phil soothes. He kisses Dan’s neck sweetly, tenderly. “Everything’s alright. You’re so gorgeous. Such a good boy, made me so happy.” His lovely Bear is oversensitive and so bashful about it, evident by the way he whines from every brief kiss Phil leaves. Phil wants to hold him like this forever.

“Mh - so good. Sleepy.”

Christ, how adorable. Phil presses one last kiss just behind Dan’s ear before pulling away. He nuzzles into Dan’s soft, messy fringe instead, and whispers countless praises to assure Dan he’s got nothing to be sorry for.