Well diddly darn

His eyes stop on your closed eyes and steadily rising and falling chest. Your face is pressed against your bedsheets, your cards squished under your cheek. His eyes dart away from them and his cheeks flush in shame—he swears he didn’t see the Jack or the Ace, he’s no cheater! But you’re asleep, and he can’t just wake you up to continue the game...should the two of you put it on pause? The relationship rules didn’t say you absolutely could not wake up your partner, but it was deemed rude to disturb a sleeping person.

Well, there goes your intense game—a game that apparently rocked you right to sleep.

He must have not noticed how sleepy you were getting. That wasn’t saying much, seeing how he was always so excited to play any game with you, but it still came as a surprise.

He was with you, alone, on your bed. Sure, Betty was underneath the two of you (technically) and sure, you have plenty of other objects around, but right now it might as well have just been him. Parker breaks out in a cold sweat as embarrassment floods his system. His legs start jittering, but when he sees you start to stir, he freezes completely.

He decides, right then and there, that under no circumstances can he wake you up.

With the grace of a puppy just learning how to walk, Parker collects all the cards from the bed. When he comes to the cards under your face, he mumbles rapid apologies under his breath while he gently tugs them out from under you. You groan something in your sleep and latch onto his wrist, your fingers a vice grip around him. Parker freezes for the second time that evening, his vision swimming as all the blood in his body rushes to his cheeks.

You’re so pretty. Fuck, who let you be this pretty?

And now you’re pulling him closer, pressing his arm against your chest, cuddling the appendage close to your body, completely unaware of what you’re doing to him. Parker whines low in his throat, slamming his eyes shut tight as he relents. He allows you to pull him into bed with him, maneuvering into a little spoon position as you curl up against his back. It feels like a much comfier version of his backpack. The cards are still clenched in his fist.

Parker feels a strong sense of accomplishment crash through his actively malfunctioning system.

He’s fucking won. There’s something vicious that claws at the back of his throat as he gazes triumphantly around the room. The rest of these objects better be watching, because he’s the fucking winner. He’s won at life and he’s won you, and the taste of victory will never leave his mouth. Well, unless you were to kiss him, and then he’d much rather forget the taste of victory to have you—which wasn’t the point.

The point is, he’s never going to shut up about you. Parker knows this better than anyone, and soon, everyone in the house will know it too. He doesn’t want them even imagining what it would be like to have you curled up against them like this. That’s against the relationship rules, and he couldn’t trust some of these objects to respect that—

You sigh deeply, and his rapid train of thought halts immediately. A fresh wave of blood colors his cheeks when he remembers where exactly he is, and how he got here in the first place. His mind was working way too fast for his own good again.

You reached out to him. You came up to the attic time and time again, playing his games and doing so fair and square, never cheating no matter how hard he went on you.

Parker wants to spin the same number as you, forever and ever, so that you can always be on the same space. Would you be opposed to an IRL version of Life? He didn’t think so.

God, you are obsessed. It’s a dream come true to finally have someone play board games with you - a dream you had long forgotten about after too many cancelled game nights, too many unenthusiastic rain checks and bored faces at the mere mention of even the simplest card game. And with you being able to play every single day - and not in a once-a-month-because-you’re-hosting-and-there-is-food kind of way and also not an okay-I’ll-do-it-because-we’re-friends one, either, it truly feels like you’ve re-discovered something long buried again.

Of course, it wouldn’t be that way without Parker, either. He’s more than half of the fun, with all his peculiarities and eccentricities, only topped by his unending eagerness to play, play, play.

It’s positively thrilling to finally bust open the tough strategy games that you had bought in hopes of getting friends to try them out with you even once - and to have someone who is already extremely well-versed in the mechanics and rules is the ultimate cherry on top. No more ‘rules explained in 40 minutes or less’ videos, no more headaches thanks to trying to read one singular page in the rule book for the fifth time. No, one politely-asked question and Parker winds up his own monologue, sprinkled with his little quirks to make it engaging. And engaging it is, indeed - not only his explanations, but the way he plays with you. For the same reason that Parker has spent years in your attic, all alone, confined to solo play and dice games - namely, the lack of a player two - you hadn’t touched him, your games, either. But now? With you itching to catch up, to play the games you already have to perfection and discover new ones and him in his element, finally not ignored anymore? You’re in dopamine heaven, entire days and nights spent with him, brain breaking over engine building, deck optimization, worker placement and multiple point strategy. You might lose more than you win against the literal embodiment of board games (and god, is he good at them), but you are having too much fun to care. He’s charming in his own way - and when you rolled the dice for your relationship, fingers crossed that they’d do anything but land on ‘hate’, that little pictogram of ‘love’ had only been the start of a budding, very chaotic relationship. With every new round, every rule explanation, every little bit of talk shared in between shuffling cards, rearranging bits and packing them back up again, you find yourself genuinely falling for the man. You love the others in the house, you do - but with Parker, things are starting to run a little deeper. You don’t dwell on it too much, live more in the moment, haven’t even realized him yet - but you haven’t played through the entirety of your board game pile, either. And there is still one box waiting for you in the depths of your collection that is entirely different from the rest. A cooperative game. True cooperative - not the kind where you can help each other or try to fight against a third only to turn that into backstabbing after the shared opponent is crushed. No, a game where you have to work together or you lose, and dramatically at that. You remember playing it once, the novelty appealing enough for some not-so-board-game-inclined friends and miserably failing. It’s a nail biter, that you remember and you know that if you can’t beat it with Parker, you might not be able to beat it all. You are curious as to how he’ll handle himself, as well. Will he take the mantle of the lead player or will he let you strategize on your own? Will you butt heads over decisions or will you come to a consensus? Will the game destroy you with a single draw of a card, before you can even act out any strategies devised, solo or together? All those thoughts are blending into sheer excitement as you present Parker with your box of Pandemic the next time you are with him, a thousand watt smile on your face. “How about Pandemic today? I haven’t played co-op in so long…” His eyes flit over the box once as he smiles, barely registering the title before he speaks. “Pandemic, a cooperative board game about saving the world with the power of science and luck? Sure! Would you like to hear the rules?” 

You could have asked him for a game of Throw Throw Burrito to net you about the same enthusiasm. It’s certainly not the scream he had let out when you had asked for Root. Or Dominion. Maybe he’s more in a combative mood today? A game is a game though, and Parker is quite literally just that. He never backs down when you ask him for… well, himself.

Who knows how this might go, you think, and begin to pry the box open. Or at least you try to, because two wildly flailing hands are stopping you dead in your tracks. “Wait, WAIT! Pandemic? You want me to play Pandemic with you? The most successful, mainstream cooperative game designed by Matt Leacock out of love for his wife?” He looks like he’s close to tears at the end of his sentence, looking at you with nothing but incredulity. You have never seen him this gobsmacked before. Gone is that relaxed Parker from just a moment ago, now it’s his red-faced, agitated counterpart. “Uh, yes?” God, hopefully you didn’t do anything wrong. “OH, I THOUGHT YOU’D NEVER ASK!”

Your poor ear drums. And shucks, those really are tears. Parker looks at you like you just told him the greatest news of his life, puppy eyes and all. He might even be trembling. “Of course, I do! Golly, yes, YES, I accept!” How… strange. Why do you suddenly have the feeling that this isn’t only about a round of Pandemic anymore? Before you can even attempt to ask him what specifically has him so riled up over what was supposed to be just another game night, he all but steamrolls you. “But, wait! Just because you proposed”, he takes a moment to sound the word out, beet-red and self-satisfied, “and I said yes, doesn’t mean we actually get to do the deed. We have to win this.” In a heartbeat, he’s back to his scheming, strategizing self, a hand pressed to his chin, eyes rapidly moving as he’s thinking. “And Pandemic is notoriously difficult to beat, especially with only two players…”, he trails off. “It’s certainly an equal matter of luck and skill.” The furrow in his brow disappears again and he beams at you, looking… proud? “Truly, an excellent pick. And, if we win, we’ll play the Legacy version for our tenth anniversary!”

Hold on. "Tenth…anniversary?" Where the hell did that come from? Anniversary? Propose?

Oh…  You’re slowly starting to think that you might have accidentally triggered one of his many, hidden rules. “Ah, shoot, you're right. That is waaay too long to wait for that magnificent game. How about our fifth? No… Oh, OH! Our first!” He underlines first with a clap of his hands and looks so proud of himself while you’re still hung up on the fact that he is talking about anniversaries. But there it is, an opening - and you gladly take it. “Parker, what in the world are you talking about? We aren’t married, or about to be - did I miss something?” His smile falters a little. “But- you just proposed to me”, he says in a tone that feels so matter-of-fact as though he’s telling you that you can’t just eat cards whenever you don’t like the hand you’ve been dealt. “I did not!” “You didn’t?” Now he looks genuinely crestfallen and the sight has your chest aching. You crumble. “I- Well, maybe I did. I just didn’t mean to. Nor do I know how I actually did it.” There is a deep breath coming from him and you can only fear what is to come. “You asked me to play Pandemic with you, the most well known cooperative game on the market with several expansions and legacy editions, widely beloved and most revered. Let me reiterate: You asked me, Parker Bradley, with whom you, according to my dice, are in a loving relationship with, to truly play together as one team, literally and figuratively.” He’s deadly serious now, with an expression so severe you can’t meet his eyes. Still, you need a moment to process that needlessly complicated sentence. “I- yes. Yes, I did.” “And you’re not taking that back, are you?” Are you? That little question makes you actually dwell on it, even if just for a precious second - would you mind that? Getting married to him? To have him in your life for as long as he’ll let you?

“...No.”

With a scream of what can only be described as utter glee, you’re swept up in a hug, one that you awkwardly return. He smells like plastic and cardboard, and you can’t help but lean into his touch, even if you are currently being absolutely crushed. “I am so excited! Happy! This is the best day of my life - at least, ever since Carcassonne got published.” This is so silly, so over-the-top, so… very Parker. You don’t know if you should cry at the absurdity of it all or fall a bit more for this dork. Maybe a bit of both. He only lets you bask in your feelings for a few precious seconds before he starts muttering about the game again, and this time directly into your shoulder. 

“But as I was saying… Pandemic is a tough game to beat, yet alone master. If we want to save the world from utter damnation, we have to work together better than ever before! Oh, I still can’t believe you’re trying to fight for my love even though the odds are very much stacked against us.” Ah, and there he is. Back to choking up again. “Why, this is the most romantic thing someone has ever done for me-”, he blubbers, fingers now digging into your skin. “Well, it’s also the only romantic thing someone has ever done for me but right now I am SO GLAD we rolled love.”

It’s physically hurting you just how cute he is, how eager and flattered and nervous at the same time. You think back to the one and only time you’ve played this game and find you’re filled with dread at the possibility of losing again - not only for his sake, but for yours as well. He doesn’t seem to notice. “Ah, I am going to cry! Don’t let me get the box wet, it’s limited edition!”

Something akin to a groan climbs out of the back of your throat at the realization that you actually really, really want to win this. Oh, you are beyond saving.