🐩

A couple weeks ago my boyfriend (habitual sleeptalker) said in his sleep “thats crazyyyyyy” and I said “what’s crazy?” And he said “that you didn’t know that” and then turned over and did not elaborate. And I can’t stop thinking about it what didnt I know..

It probably is kind of fun to be a parent bird and find big fat bugs to put in your child’s goalpost mouth. And the more you do it the larger your baby gets, which shows your progress. Mine is reaally big, think I’m going to get a high score this time. It has a unique skin too, I’ve never even seen this one before. Has anyone gotten that one, dark brown and white belly with stripes? It’s not even in my Wrenpedia, it has to be a really special unlock

I’d appreciate if you didn’t call my child a “parasite”, thank you very much! Typical r/childfree

"you can't be punk, it's just not possible" has sincerely become my stance on punk. it's just not possible

The only thing that's punk is arguing about what is and isn't punk

there's nothing punk about semantics or classification actually. it's just not possible

this post made me angry so i went to listen to my FAVOURITE PUNK ALBUMS that i have on CASSETTE (the punkest medium) but i couldn't find them. they were gone. i tried looking them up but the names turned to meaningless fluff in my mind as i typed. it didn't feel like it meant anything anymore. I tried to remember what they sounded like but could recall nothing. I'm saying the word "punk" out loud to myself but it just sounds like noise. I'm not sure i'm even saying it right. was it ever real?

it's just not possible

Whenever they gave us one of those "read through ALL the instructions before you begin!" trick assignments in school where the steps lead you on an increasingly ridiculous goose chase until the final one tells you to just put your name on the paper and turn it in without doing anything else, I was always like, "Okay, but what's the point? Surely the REAL world won't be anything like this." And then I grew up and discovered that not only is the real world often exactly like that, some people won't even read the first line of the instructions even if they make perfect sense. And these people are called "co-workers"

Joseph Smell, inventor of the nostril, was shot point blank in the head by Gertrude Tongue on this date 700 years ago

english major macklemore: i read your granddad’s prose

therapist macklemore: i hear your granddad’s woes

coffee enthusiast macklemore: i drink your granddad’s joes

body mod shop owner macklemore: i pierce your granddad’s nose

pizza chef macklemore: i knead your granddad’s doughs

television network executive macklemore: i make your granddad’s shows

wildlife rehabilitator macklemore: i feed your granddad’s crows

blanket maker macklemore: i knit your granddad’s throws