poems, prayers & promises

"ooouuugh the masculine urge to die poignantly on a medieval battlefield" You Are Getting Cholera On The March And Shitting Yourself To Death

i love you rice with some bullshit

not just mutuals but someone i’d eat a sandwich in the park with

if you vote me for president i vow to make everything the ocean again. no more land only ocean. this will solve all of our problems and replace them with new, far more interesting problems

"it's just stress" oh thank god, it's just the silent killer that slowly kills you, perfectly harmless, no need to worry

[looking at people younger than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at people older than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at myself] its over

Diane, clear my schedule. I’m attempting a recipe that says “prep time: 15 minutes.”

atheist quarterback throws a hail darwin

agnostic quarterback throws a hail maybe

Ryan Gosling’s career has just been one long quest to climb the Warner Bros water tower

nobody talks about despacito anymore. It’s like it never existed

long distance friends pets feel like celebrities because you can only be parasocial with them

you dont truly know how their fur pets. you will never know them like that

furthermore they have no clue you even exist

I think the british really popped off with "bloody" as an expletive but unfortunately I can't say it out loud in real life or I sound like a teeaboo from 2012