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A black woman being unapologically smarter than everyone in the room, dismissing and mocking all the men around him, power walking her way through the fucking White House to solve an impossible murder finding all the details and involved people with their motive, WHILE still being funny and able to show empathy to the people she cares for was exactly what I needed this week. Thank you Detective Cupp for being who you are.
To paraphrase a tumblr post I will never be able to find again, I love the mystery show genre’s assertion that “world’s greatest detective” is both a real position and a position that’s famous enough that random people recognize their name
Anyway, welcome Cordelia Cupp, already a marvelous addition to the genre in episode one.
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Too Many Cooks (Off Campus) || John Tucker x CulinaryStudent!reader (Part 1)
WC: 1.9k (short little thing, veryyyy unlike me, I know)
Series Summary: On top of his spot on the hockey team, Tucker declared a double major in business and hospitality pretty soon after arriving to Briar U. Not five minutes into his first culinary class, he gained his campus rival. Now it’s Junior year, nearly two years later, and you're still the only person that's ever made "Sweet Tuck" genuinely contemplate murder.
Pt.1 Summary: Dean gets one more thing to tease Tucker about
Relationship(s): John Tucker x reader (slowburn)
Tags/Warnings: Slowwwwburn (well ofc), BANTER & BICKERING (my bread and butter at this point), Off Campus season 1 spoilers, f!reader, No "Y/N" use, No physical description of reader, reader's an in-state student for plot (...so pretend you're from Massachusetts), completely inaccurate courses for hospitality majors, Rivals to Lovers!, not beta read (& barely edited tbh), suggestive content (it's Off Campus, y'all), light Angst! FLUFF!
-> Part 1 starts right around Episode 1
Notes: REALLY been in an Off Campus kick lately and my boy Tuck was not getting the love he deserved online, so I had to fix that. This won't be nearly as long as my Jack Abbot series, but I seriously love this side quest.
Your hand dashed forward to tap the bell, setting the plate on the pass-through counter with the other. “Order up!”
Allie was at the window in a second, a too wide smile on her freckled cheeks. “Hiiiii. Your makeup looks so good today, super glowy.”
You chuckled at her antics, “It’s sweat—order up, booth five.” Wiping your far too greasy hands on the dish towel tied to your navy blue apron.
She worried over her lip first before finally getting to the point. “Sweets, can you pretty please run this for me?”
“Allie, angel, love of my life—I believe that’s your job.”
She pouted, big brown eyes glimmering as they widened like a kicked puppy. An actress, she certainly was. “I know I know, but I really need to pee.”
“So, you’re not gonna be scrolling on TikTok or texting Sean, or scrolling on TikTok while texting Sean?” Lifting a completely unconvinced brow.
Allie only stuck her bottom lip out more, dramatically collapsing her torso onto the stainless steel counter. “God forbid a girl misses her boyfriend and—hey!”
You’d poked her temple with the handle end of a metal spatula. “Off my counter, you know the rules.” Then sighing as you looked back down at her. “You guys need to be peeled off each other, it’s unhealthy at this point.”
“And you would know because...?” Narrowing her eyes playfully.
Your own eyes squinted back, poking her forehead with your finger this time. “You want me to run this or not?”
Allie just about bounced to the ceiling, doing a little spin and clap. “Oh thank you thank you thank youuuuuu! Have I told you how much I love you? Not enough! You’re the best roommate—Hannah can’t carry a candle to you, babe!”
“Hey!” Hannah sputtered, appearing on the other side of the bar top. “Why the hell am I catching strays?”
“Han, I’m a desperate woman,” Allie sighed. The serious conviction to her tone making you cackle as you strolled through the swinging door towards the bar.
She continued grinning wildly as you sidled up to her, expertly maneuvering the four plates to rest on your palms and forearms. After a beat of her still standing there, bouncing on the balls of her feet, you gritted out, “Allie. Bathroom. Now.”
“Oh yeah—sorry!” Instantly sprinting away and almost knocking into a hoard of people crowding the stage.
By now, Hanna and you had swapped places as she took her spot behind the bar top and register, handing out a takeout order. Across from you, Hannah giggled, “You indulge her too much, y’know.”
“Hey—I don’t play favorites with my children. Remember when I cleaned the bathroom for three straight weeks?”
“I had the flu!”
You shook your head, lips pressed together in faux-disappointment. “Nobody wants to work these days.” Swiveling around again as you hastened towards the tables.
Getting to the other side of Malone’s was basically like navigating a battlefield, hoards of drunk college kids stationed between you and the your target. By the time you reached the booths, you’d just barely missed an elbow to the face and some clumsy asshole almost knocking the hot plates off one arm. Little reminders like that made you eternally grateful to be stuck in the kitchen. Sure, you came off shift smelling like grease and had sweat stains in places you didn’t think possible, but at least you weren't front facing. That was probably intentional on Della’s part, you weren’t exactly known for your charm. However, being the only line cook that wasn’t a gruff man pushing fifty certainly didn’t help.
“Okayyy,” you exhale, still blissfully unaware of whose table you were now in front of. As you rushed the booth, you’d just barely seen the figures of five broad shoulders stuffed into a too tiny booth. Still focused on reading the table order off the crumbled receipt paper to even look up, you continued, “Three bacon cheeseburgers—one no tomato—and a double patty melt with extra cheese and extra caramelized onions. Anything else I can get you guys?” Thankfully setting down the final plate in front of the guy on the end before you looked up—locking eyes with him.
Both of your faces swiftly settled into fiery disdain.
His eyes flared first, arms crossing over his broad chest before he grumbled, “The hell are you doing here?”
With both hands now free, your fists quickly dug themselves into your hips. Eyes narrowing. “What a lovely surprise.” Completely ignoring his question.
It only ticked him off further, heated glare quickly scanning over your uniform. “You work here?”
“Oh gee! Someone get this guy a prize—how observant.” You sneered, then stiffly pointed to the “Line Cook” embroidered on your apron, right next to where your name tag would have been if it wasn’t sitting on your dorm room desk.
His glare deflated a tad, looking more like a sulking child. “Oh.”
“Yeah—oh.”
Dean giggled—literally, loudly giggled—effectively breaking the moment. “I’m loving whatever’s happening here.”
“What exactly is going on here?” Logan said, his eyes shifting between the two of you and back to Garrett in the booth corner. Both boys wearing mirrored grins.
Tucker huffed, muscles flexing under the cotton t-shirt as his arms crossed tighter—which you absolutely did not notice. Never. Nope.
“We’ve got class together—”
“Unfortunately,” you added before he could.
Instantly, the whole table lit up with a jumbled chorus of “Oh my god!” and “No way!”
Dean’s hand slapped the table before pointing a finger at you, a proud grin spreading to his blue eyes like he’d just aced Tuesday Night Trivia. “You’re the girl!” Beside him, Tucker was trying to melt as far into the booth as possible.
Your brows lifted, mouth still pressed. “I am one, thanks for the info.”
“No no,” Beau cuts in, “the girl from Tuck’s hospitality classes, who, like, seriously gets on his nerves—what was her name? Something starting with an A, right?”
“No, it was definitely an L,” Dean added with conviction, joining in simply for the sake of competition—and probably the two pitchers of beer they’d already downed.
“Could’ve sworn it was an M,” Garrett said through another sip of his pint.
“Hey, bud,” Logan added, clapping a hand on his best friend’s shoulder. “Love ya man, but you’re not great at this. Specifically this.”
Before the table could descend into further madness, you finally said your name, earning another excited clap from the blonde.
“That’s it! I knew it!” Dean exclaimed, looking back down to his plate just enough to swat Beau’s hand from sneaking another fry. “Bro, get your own. I’m not letting you mooch off mine.”
Heaving an exasperated sigh, you crumpled the receipt paper into your apron pocket. “Enjoy your meal, guys.”
Dean sat up straight, Beau mirroring his stance without question. “Yes, chef!” Both boys saluting in such coordination that you couldn’t but giggle.
“Fucking weirdos,” you mumble, terribly fighting a slight grin.
Too focused on bantering with the duo, you didn’t see how Tucker’s tight grimace slipped into something akin to quiet awe, or admiration. Eyes drifting across your features that lifted in a way he’d never witnessed, probably because you were never laughing around him—unless you were laughing at him. In that case, he always made sure to look away from you. Like looking away from a solar flare.
Maybe he should’ve been looking this whole time.
As quick as Tucker tried to be, Logan and Garrett spotted it. Both exchanging growing smirks as Tuck tried wrangling his face back into a convincing disgust.
“You,” Dean said after a gulp of beer, finger pointed at your face like he’d solved a philosophical mystery, “are fucking cool. I’ve got a radar for these things—she’s cool right?” Turning to the rest of the table as Tucker sunk further into the vinyl bench.
“She’s cool,” Garrett added with a smirk to finally placate Dean.
“See!” The blonde squealed. “My radar’s going like this.” Making a frantic motion back and forth with his hands, Beau having to duck slightly before getting poked in the eye.
“Once again,” you say sternly, “I’m going. Have a good night, guys.” Finally turning around before they could lull you back into another lengthy tangent.
By the time you reached the bar top again, Allie was leaning across from the register, chatting with Hannah who’d stayed at her post.
“Did you just finish running that?” Hannah asked after spotting you approaching.
“Yep,” you sigh with an eye roll, settling next to Allie. “Hockey boys love to blab apparently.”
Allie slapped her hand over her mouth, eyes wide. “Ohmygod—I completely forgot that was their table. I’m so sorry I didn’t warn you,” her apologies slightly muffled by the hand resting over her mouth.
“Are you though?” Hannah chuckled, lifting a teasing brow.
Allie ripped her hand away from her lips, chin tilting up in contemplation. “Now that you say it—no. That was divine intervention telling you to get over this stupid beef you’ve got going on.”
With a scoff, you swiveled away to move behind the bar. Gruffly filling up a plastic stackable cup with ice, you didn’t meet Allie’s awaiting eye contact, even as you felt her her stare lasers into your skull. “S’not stupid. I’ve got reasons.”
They both groaned before Allie poked your shoulder lightly. “It’s been three fucking years, girl! Get over it!”
“Hey,” pointing the soda gun at her chest before continuing, “he embarrassed me on our first day of class and then acted like it was nothing! Like he’s fuckin’ royalty just cause he’s on some stupid hockey team.”
“Gonna be honest, girl—”
“When are you not?” Hanna interjected, smiling innocently.
“As I was saying,” Allie continued with a glare, “I’d believe that about literally any of them. The whole starting line—absolutely. They walk around campus like God rolled out a red carpet for them personally. But, John Tucker?” She leaned in with a tilt of her head. “He’s a sweetheart. Ask literally anyone on this campus, no one’s had even one bad interaction with the guy.”
“Yeahhh,” Hannah echoed with a grimace, “even for fear of my life, I’m still agreeing with Allie on this one. Remember that time those girls smashed a bunch of glasses on stage during Karaoke? He stayed thirty minutes past closing to help Della and I clean them up.”
You swiveled the soda gun to face the other brunette, taking a ravenous chug of coke before speaking. “The only smart thing you’ve done so far is fear for your life.”
“Babe,” Allie emphasized with another poke to your shoulder, “for once, give him a chance to be at least a little nice to you.”
“You’re asking me to give a man the benefit of the doubt?”
Allie grimaced. “Yeah I don’t like the sound of it coming out of my mouth too—but that’s how you know I’m being honest! I’d be the first to say hate him and hold a grudge, cause all men are guilty until proven innocent.” Then booping your nose when she added. “But he, unfortunately, has proved himself innocent.”
You swatted her hand away with a grumble. “I’m going back to the kitchen, where I belong.”
“Not very feminist of you!” Allie called out to your retreating form.
“Suck my dick, Allison!” Yelling back right as Della walked out of the kitchen door. You tried putting on a bright smile, which never quite fit on your face. “Hi Della, you look lovely today.”
The older woman only eyed you up and down, her gaze shifting behind you to silently chastise your roommates as well. Like any mother hen, she simply hummed, letting you shuffled around her awkwardly to sprint through the swinging doors.
Unless Malone’s caught on fire, you were never leaving that kitchen again.
Endnote: guys I really hope y'all like this, I literally giggled while writing part 1 & 2. Taglist is open, just comment below to be added!
Hate when people tag fanfictions in the tag that legit doesn't involve the involve the person. Like I'm excited and then realize it's not for who I'm looking for, now I'm pissed
if qui gon had been anakin’s master, anakin prob wouldn’t have gone to the dark side. not necessarily bc he’d been a better master, but bc obi wan would be the cool older bro he’d sneak out w and confide in instead of the fake father figure he felt the constant need to rebel against. ‘palpatine has been asking me to spend time with him…’ ‘NEVER trust a politician. wait, hold. why the kriff is a decrepit thing like him trying to hang out w a 12 year old’ ‘I’m in love w padme. I want to get married!’ ‘u still have a rat tail’
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Apparently the newbies are saying "For the first time, I feel...wicked" is cringe? Okay, but this line actually is important. It is the first time Elphaba actually does anything that could be considered objectively wicked. She's done things that are unlawful, and things that frightened or offended people, but she’s consistently made selfless, ethical choices even when it would've been much easier not to. It's not "Tee hee, I'm about to lose my virginity," ok it kind of is it's "Yes, I'm about to commit an act of infidelity for no other reason than my own happiness, knowing I broke the heart of one person I love and will endanger the life of another person I love." This one wicked thing is the beginning of the end for her. She is immediately punished by the narrative, and it leads to her downward spiral and brief villain arc. AND IT IS WHAT SAVES HER. She survives because now she's willing to do something wicked to preserve her own life, AND because unconditional (if problematic) love has given her something to live for.
I went on a mental health journey. I wasn't healthy, I needed to take care of myself, get right. I went to therapy, I got treatment… And I found a way to turn all of this mental chaos into a superpower. And man, the fight is not easy. Every day is a fight. Let me tell you if you're going through the same thing; that fight is worth it, you are worth it.
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I expected this silly anecdote to get ten notes from my mutuals maybe the world is just full of joy and whimsy your cold dead heart could never imagine
You actually can! You can put it into airplane mode! I already had this meme locked and loaded saved on my phone I couldn’t find the original tumblr post I got it from to reblog. And I was actually delighted to learn that a certain kind of delta airbus now has free wifi u can use on the flight which was a 10/10 but I actually didn’t even update this post until I was home.
But anyway why are you beefing with me over the silly whale meme post, stranger on the internet. Maybe you need a delta airlines biscoff cookie
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