Claudia :D

Kakashi: Stop that. How would YOU feel if I banged you on the table?

Iruka: I—

do you guys think kakuzu's ever really hard on himself bc of his time in the waterfall and then hidan just unknowingly is himself

bonus under the cut

im in love, im alive

reference:

Nagato: This looks really good, everyone! 

Kakuzu: Not quite good enough to make me overlook the rise in the electric bill that’ll come from having these strings of light on all the time, but —

Itachi: No need to be a Grinch, Kakuzu. But … isn’t it missing something?

Tobi: Tobi knows! The tree needs a star on top!

Konan: I’m afraid we don’t have a star; it accidentally got broken when we were packing up decorations last year. 

Kisame: That’s a shame. Well if we don’t have a star, what about an Angel, then?

Sasori: That’s a good idea. Deidara! Come here, love, and let me put your beautiful self on top of the tree.

Deidara, blushing: Aw, geez, Sasori, hm. You know I’m not an Angel …

Sasori: *puts arms around Deidara’s waist and pulls him closer* Of course you are. You’re a heavenly entity, a thing of divine beauty, a —

Hidan: I was wondering how long it was gonna be before you two gay fucks ruined Christmas. Really not looking forward to walking out here at midnight to find you assholes sucking face under the tree again.

MY

Shikaku: You’re gonna take these strangers but you’ve never taken me??

Choza: No, I… I’m gonna beat them up

Shikaku:

Choza:

Sasuke: Such a long walk out here … but I guess it helps us build an appetite for dinner, eh?

Naruto: True.

Sasuke: Mom’s really excited that you’re coming, you haven’t been able to come in so long. Her and Itachi have been in the kitchen all —

*Naruto abruptly lets go of Sasuke’s hand as they come within view of the house*

Sasuke: Hey … why’d you do that?

Naruto: Don’t want him to see …

Sasuke: Him? Oh, you mean Madara?

Naruto: Yeah. I’m pretty sure your grandpa hates me, dattebayo.

Sasuke: He’s not my — he doesn’t —- well okay you’re probably right. But to be fair he hates pretty much everyone.

Naruto: He doesn’t hate you …

Sasuke: No, and I can’t really figure that out. But Itachi thinks that maybe it’s because I remind him of his brother Izuna.

Naruto: Whatever the case, I know he thinks I’m not good enough for you, Sasuke. Last time you left us alone he called me “an inferior carrier of the Uzumaki genes” and insulted Kurama so bad I almost lost control of him!

Sasuke: You think that’s bad? Obito brought Kakashi over two nights ago because Kakashi wanted his permission to “court” Obito, right? He didn’t even get the words out before gramps tried to impale Kakashi with his cane. Took everyone in the house to hold him back from trying to take out Kakashi’s sharingan with his soup spoon.

Naruto: Wait … does he expect that? Like, should I have gone to him for permission to date you??

Sasuke: He expects a lot of things as the clan elder. But we’re already dating. Asking “permission” seems a bit unnecessary.

Naruto: It’s unnecessary but like you said, he’s your clan elder. It’s probably a respect thing to him, dattebayo. Okay! It’s too late for it tonight, but next week I’m going to come at him full-force. I’ll wear a kimono and bring gifts for everyone in your family, the biggest present of all will be his. I’ll kneel in front of him and formally ask his permission to marry you!

Sasuke:

Sasuke: M-marry?!

Naruto: Yeah! If he’s gonna try and kill me anyway, I may as well go all the way with it, right?

Naruto: Oooh I know, I’ll do it on Tuesday, my birthday! That way if he says Yes, it’ll be like I’ve gotten that one dream present I’ve always wanted; my Sasuke! *kisses Sasuke*

Sasuke, blushing: A-and if he says no?

Naruto: Then I can be one of those cool people who can say that their birthday and their death-day is the same day, dattebayo. Man, suddenly I’m super hungry. Let’s go! *runs ahead of him to the house*

Sasuke:

Itachi: My orientation? Well right now I’d guess I’m facing about north, maybe north-east, so —

Sasuke: No! I mean, um, w-what kind of people do you like? Romantically?

Itachi: Oooh. Why do you wish to know?

Sasuke: I just wanted to know if, maybe, you ever liked boys? Like if that was a normal thing or completely weird? I tried to talk to father about this but all he did was clear his throat a bunch of times and tell me to do some push-ups. 

Itachi: … is this about that blonde boy that you hang out with? The one in your genin squad?

Sasuke, blushing: N-no! Why would this be about that idiot?! He’s annoying and a loser and —

Madara, from behind his paper: In other words, you’re ready to propose marriage.

Itachi: Not helping, gramps. Sasuke, it’s completely normal and okay to have feelings for any and all types of people, regardless of gender. You shouldn’t decide whether you want a person based on what parts they do or don’t have; it should be based on their personality, their kindness, their interests, their soul.

Madara: For God’s sake, just because the boy is gay doesn’t mean you need to turn him into a sissy as well!

Itachi: Grandfather!

Madara: Listen, Sasuke. You go up to this boy and claim him, you hear me? Uchihas are conquerors, and we don’t easily lose. Lay waste to your competition and take what’s yours. This young man, what is his name?

Sasuke: Naruto Uzumaki. He’s —

Madara: UZUMAKI?! He’s from that treacherous clan?! Fuck that, stay far away from that boy and anything related to him! You’ll only end up heartbroken and alone!

Sasuke:

Itachi: … grandfather. Just because you had one teeny tiny bad experience with an Uzumaki doesn’t mean that —

Madara: UZUMAKI MITO STOLE HASHIRAMA FROM ME, boy!! All because he liked her stupid red hair and her stupid nine-tails!

Sasuke: Actually Naruto has the Fox inside of him now, grandpa.

Madara: 

Madara: *unleashes an unholy shriek, sets the curtains on fire, and stomps out*

Sasuke: Just once. Just ONCE I’d like to be able to walk in here, ask for advice, and hear something both helpful and normal. Just. Freaking. ONCE.

They’d been dating for almost six months, and up until this point Sasori never once initiated any kind of non-sexual intimacy with Dei. If Deidara wanted anything, he would have to take the lead. Sasori wouldn’t reject Deidara’s advances, he just never sought them out first.

One day they’re on the way back from a mission or something and Deidara is talking a mile a minute, like always. Sasori is shuffling along beside him in Hiroku, not really saying much, just giving the occasional grunt or “Mm” to something in Deidara’s rambles.

And suddenly the Hiroku puppet stops moving. A little hatch opens and Sasori climbs out. He takes out a scroll and puts Hiroku away. Then he dusts off his clothes, smooths back his hair …

… and reaches down and takes hold of Deidara’s hand.

And Deidara isn’t sure what to do at first, or what (if anything) to say. 

He decides that saying something or even acknowledging the gesture would probably make Sasori freeze up or pull his hand away. 

So Deidara just smiles and continues to talk as if nothing had happened. 

And they hold hands all the way back to the hideout.

Tsunade: This isn't so bad.

Orochimaru: Jiraiya, your hand is on my ass.

Jiraiya: Yeah, and?

Orochimaru: Move it.

what if Sasori worked as a chemical engineer or something, and lately all the things he’s been working with have caused his skin to break out in blotches and dark spots. normally he wouldn’t care but he has a family event coming up soon that he’d like to look good for. so he grits his teeth and decides to try makeup to hide his skin’s imperfections.

he goes to the makeup counter and Deidara is there. and Deidara … cannot find this man’s match. gasp, this has never happened before. Sasori sits in the chair while deidara tests foundation after foundation on him, all different brands, different tones, and still can’t find anything that he says is Sasori’s match.

but Sasori doesn’t mind. 

as Deidara uses a q-tip and a brush to gently blend different colors on Sasori’s face (and then a makeup remover pad to take it off and try another), he laughs, he chats. he’s very chatty. his hands are soft on Sasori’s skin. and he smells absolutely incredible.

after about half an hour of experimenting, Deidara finally finds the perfect color for Sasori. he explains to him the process of putting it on, how to blend, what to use to moisturize his face afterwards, etc. but Sasori is hardly listening, because something else is on his mind.

“Excuse me? I don’t mean to interrupt; you’ve been so helpful. Um, I’m sorry, I’m not the best at reading the … the preferences of other people. But, if you don’t find it objectionable, I would love to take you out to dinner sometime.”

Deidara pauses in the middle of ringing Sasori up. He goes quiet. So quiet that Sasori starts to worry; did he overstep bounds? 

he blushes and pulls out his credit card, quickly putting it in the slot. He needed to get out of there before he embarrassed himself anymore.

but.

then his receipt prints, and Deidara takes it, turns it over, and writes something on the back.

“My number,” he says, as he hands it to the stunned Sasori. “I get off most nights by 6. Text me and we’ll figure something out!”

Sasori can barely eke out a “T-thanks! I will!” before he turns and leaves.

the smile he’s wearing is more beautiful than anything he’s got in his bag.

also, Deidara knew from the second he saw Sasori, what makeup was for him. he just wanted to keep Sasori in his chair for as long as he could.

Since his promotion to Kazekage at fifteen years old, Gaara has received a letter with a gift on the anniversary of his promotion each following year. Just like every letter of adoration he’s received since becoming Kazekage, he keeps them, but these letters are… Special. In them are very ardent confessions of love from someone who clearly knows him, but since they’re not ever addressed with a name or a location, he can’t figure out who it is.

It’s weird, too. Most of the time, he only receives these sorts of things from his admirers on special holidays like his birthday. But this one person has been writing to him for ten years, sending him things he loves like new cacti starters and special herbal teas. Each letter is increasingly intimate, too, wishing him good fortune and telling him how well he’s done for himself. Part of him likes these letters. The other part of him is just confused by them- at least until today. 

It’s about to be the eleventh anniversary of his promotion to Kazekage. Gaara, who’s about to go to Konohagakure for a meeting, goes to check up on the man that Kakashi- Konoha’s most recent Hokage- sent as his escort. In the back of his mind, he’s looking forward to whatever the eleventh letter and gift will be.

Rock Lee is staying in a guest bedroom in the Kazekage compound, just a few doors down from Gaara’s personal suite. Gaara is honestly more excited to see his old friend than he should be, but then again, he figures his feelings for Lee go far beyond ‘old friend’. Since their battle with Kimimaro, his feelings have only grown and evolved into something much more romantic. Why he hasn’t acted on it- well, being Kazekage is complicated and he doesn’t want to drag Lee into it, even if he does return the sentiment, which Gaara knows he has no reason to.

But then, he checks the knob to Lee’s room and opens the door when he notices it’s unlocked. He sees the ravenette sitting at a desk writing something on paper, to which he blinks. Lee’s hobbies include training, exercising, fighting, gardening (something he picked up because of Gaara), and woodwork- all very physical things that involve you standing, moving, and being outside to some degree. 

Seeing Lee sitting at the desk of his guest room is odd. Aside from the little notepad that Lee carries around and refers to as his ‘ultra secret ninja tips’, Gaara isn’t sure he’s actually seen Lee write anything. Not mission reports, not songs or poems or stories, not letters, nothing.