Nostalgia & Heartache

“I am not used to being held tenderly

Sending you some love 💛

“Not lovers, definitely not friends

“

“

“And some days you put yourself out there and you hope that they will feel the same way; but some days they don’t, some days they can’t give you the love you were looking for, some days they leave without any reasons or explanations; those days are the ones it’s easy to feel weak for letting yourself care but those are the days you must remind yourself you are strong for being vulnerable, you are brave for trying to be soft;”

“

You deserved an apology, not excuses.

Please don’t wrap your hands around my waist If all you really want is to put them inside me Because all I ever wanted when I let you hold me Was to feel safe, to feel like I was special to you Please don’t tell me you love the way I laugh When all you’re thinking about is your tongue down my throat Because I’m laughing at the way your nose wrinkles up when you’re annoyed Because I’m busy noticing the the little things Please don’t tell me you love me When all you really love is the way my hips look with moonlight washing over them Because I love you for the way your eyes light up When you talk about something that you’re passionate about Please don’t waste your time if my body is all you want Because all I really have to offer is seventeen years of unrequited love

Some people left even though I fought for them Others left because I didn’t fight hard enough And after spending years blaming myself for them leaving I realised that maybe they all left because they didn’t think I was worth fighting for

From the first time I let you wrap your hands around my waist I knew you were going to be the death of me And I always knew that your promises to love me Were nothing but sweet lies whispered to me under the sheets But with your hands in my hair and your lips on my neck I felt alive for the first time in seventeen years And maybe letting you ruin me was the price I paid

I’m looking for the words to an apology But I’ve hurt you in more ways than I know how to apologise for I broke your heart more times than I can count And each time you held me with my guilt and my sadness And told me I didn’t need to apologise, that there was nothing to forgive With us it was always me doing the breaking and you doing the healing All I ever gave you was heartache and tears and pain And through it all you still found a way to love me I never deserved a love like yours So even though it hurts to watch you leave I’m glad you can finally find someone who loves you the way you always loved me

And we had a love like the kind you see in the movies Strangers falling in love under star filled summer skies Dancing to the sound of raindrops hitting the roof And falling for you felt like finally coming home But the warm summer turned to a bitter winter And lovers turned into strangers with memories of a summer

Of course we were temporary All things worth loving are  Like the sinking sun  We burnt bright and we died out  But god were we beautiful  I think I found our forever  Within those few fleeting moments

This is for the ones I lost this last year, the ones I grew up with This last year has been the hardest so far, and I needed you I needed you to hold me and tell me it would be alright And maybe it’s my fault that you weren’t around I never told you I was hurting, never asked you to be there But how do you tell someone they are the reason you are hurting I watched you make new memories without me Watched you forget me like I was a distant memory, a story from the past And so when I needed to hear your voice I blasted music instead When I needed you to hold me, I took cold showers When you asked me how I was doing without you, I told you I had never been happier And don’t get me wrong I know things can’t go back to the way they were So this isn’t me asking for a do over This is an apology, for not telling you what you meant to me This is a thank you, for helping me grow