The Renewing of My Mind

ARE FORGIVING AND FORGETTING REQUIRED?

“I’d forget my head if it wasn’t attached.”

“I forget whether it was on the right hand or the left.”

“I forget where I put my wallet.”

“I forget why I came in here…”

We have probably all ‘forgotten’ something important at one time or another. But many of us would like to forget a few things: that awkward first recital; throwing up in public; falling, over nothing; not noticing the back of your dress getting caught in your panty hose–until you leave the bathroom; finding your pants zipper was down-after your presentation to the boss. 

All VERY good things to forget!

What about pain and disappointment?

What about forgetting the deep hurt of betrayal, broken promises, the life taken by a drunk driver, paralysis caused by that ‘mistake’ in surgery, destroyed property, stolen treasures—how do we forget these? Can we?

‘Forgive and forget’ is a trite and overworked phrase that has been and probably is uttered by a few million well meaning folks every. single. day. You may have said it; I think I have in the past.

Are forgiving and forgetting biblical?

Yes and no. This is what I’ve come to understand and believe about forgiving and forgetting:

We are commanded by God to forgive. Matthew 6:14 says, in part, “…if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father in heaven will not forgive your sins.” Again, “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13) It seems clear to me that God is serious about forgiveness. 

On the other hand, I do not find a biblical imperative for us to forget. There are many scriptures in which we are told not to forget God, His commands and His faithfulness. There is even scripture affirming that God has forgotten our sin (Psalm 130:12). But I cannot find a scripture that tells us to forget “those who trespass against us,” only to forgive them.

Who we are is where we’ve been and what happened to us there.

What we experience on life’s journey affects us profoundly. To forget ANY part of that journey would be to deny that part of our existence. For good or ill, what others have inflicted on us has, in part, resulted in who we are. To be told to forget denigrates the importance of those things that have shaped us. Can we honestly expect a father to forget that it was a babysitter’s momentary loss of focus that caused his child to drown in the pool? Do we really believe a woman will forget that she walked in on her husband in bed with another woman? Can survivors forget their loved one took his own life leaving them with questions that won’t be answered on this side of eternity?

I think our social imperative to forgive AND forget is wrong.

This was made clear to me a few years ago when I read the story in John 20:24-28 of Thomas (you know, the disciple that doubted the resurrection). Two things stood out as very important in this story:

First, Thomas didn’t believe the others when they told Him Jesus was alive. So he told everyone his own criteria for proof: he would believe if he could see the nail marks in Jesus’ hands and place his hand in Jesus’ side. Why did he require this proof? Because he knew these things had happened to Jesus. He believed he would believe when he saw the evidence of what he knew to be true.

Second, Jesus appeared to Thomas and allowed him to secure his evidence. Thomas saw the nail prints. He placed his hand in the dent in Jesus’ side left by the soldier’s spear. Thomas saw the scars on his Lord. 

The sin that Jesus was willing to bear, took Him to the cross where nails were pounded into His battered and already bleeding hands and feet. Once there, after an agonizing death, a spear stabbed Him to insure He was dead.

Thomas didn’t see the wounds that day in the upper room. He saw the result of those wounds—the scars that remained. Physical wounds will eventually heal—but most all leave scars. The same is true of emotional wounds.

If our Lord rose and left a tomb empty, carrying the scars of our sin; is it too unreasonable to believe that we will always carry ours?

Scars are the things that prove to us that something significant has happened to us. Whether they are physical or emotional, they remain as evidence. If our Lord can carry His scars, the evidence of what had happened to Him, then why can’t we carry ours?

Forgetting isn’t biblical. But we don’t have to live a scarred life, trying to forget.  We must give our pain to Him first, forgive second and know that always that He is with us, understands us and feels with us. He’s been there.

Isaiah 43:18 Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. referes to events of the captivity, not another’s sin against the individual

Isaiah 53:4 refers t Jerusalem as a barren woman who will forget her childlessness and as a widow who will forget her state, after God restores.

FIVE POINTS TO CONSIDER THIS EASTER SEASON 

Can you recall the time when you were the angriest you have ever been? How do you think your anger compares to God’s? Here are five things to consider as this Easter season is upon us:

1. Sin makes God angry—really angry. 

The Bible refers to it as God’s wrath. It is against his nature to tolerate sin.

Psalm 5:4-6 also says, “You are not a God who takes pleasure in evil; with You the wicked cannot dwell. The arrogant cannot stand in Your presence; You hate all who do wrong. You destroy those who tell lies; bloodthirsty and deceitful men the Lord abhors.”

Now, imagine each individual sin that people have and would commit—past, present and future. Think of each sin represented by a single drop—placed in a single cup.

2. What was “this cup” and what does it represent, truly?

When Jesus goes to the Garden of Gethsemane, He steps away from His disciples to pray alone:

Matthew, 26:42 reveals the second prayer, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may Your will be done.”

And from Luke 22:42-43 “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Yours be done.” An angel from heaven appeared to Him and strengthened Him.”

But my favorite is the most intimate, from Mark14:42:

“Abba (Daddy), Father,” He said, “everything is possible for You. Take this cup from Me. Yet not what I will, but what You will.”

Revelation 14:10 says, “…they, too, will drink the wine of God’s fury, which has been poured full strength into the cup of his wrath. They will be tormented with burning sulfur in the presence of the holy angels and of the Lamb.
”

Jesus was not trying to avoid the crucifixion as some have suggested; He came for that purpose. The cup Christ was asking to be taken away, was the cup of God’s wrath.

3. Was Jesus forsaken by God? 

When Jesus cried out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” from the opening lines of Psalm 22, he was not questioning His Father’s abandonment. Jesus WAS GOD! He couldn’t abandon or be separated from Himself, now could he? He was announcing to the world that God’s plan was about to be fulfilled at last by divine decree.

You may remember that Jesus told Pilate that he would have no power over Him if it were not given him from above. (John 19:10-11)

Though He probably hadn’t the strength to finish reciting the Psalm, everyone there, especially those who thought they had engineered His death—the Pharisees and Saducees—they knew the Psalm by heart also. They understood.

4. Was Jesus sinful?

When Christ was nailed to the cross, “God made Him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.” 2 Cor 5:21

Again from Isaiah, “We all like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.” 

God put the sin of the world onto His Son, a sinless man; this was the only way the sacrifice could be acceptable. Just as previous sacrifices required perfection, so did this one. Not a mark, not a mistake, perfect, sinless.

“But you know that He appeared so that He might take away our sins. And in Him is no sin.” 1 John 3:5

5. Did Jesus die for everyone or just Christians? 

As a believer, it is a wonderful thing to be able to say, “Jesus died for me.” It is even a more wonderful thing to say to a non-believer, “Jesus died for you, even if you don’t believe in him or think he would do such a thing for you.” 

“Christ died for the ungodly…God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:6, 8

Sin makes God angry. Jesus wanted to avoid ‘drinking the cup of God’s wrath,’ if it was possible. It wasn’t. He drank our sin so we wouldn’t have to suffer that horrific anger. God didn’t forsake him—God’s perfect plan was carried out—perfectly. The sinless Son of Man, the Son of God carried our sin on the cross—EVERYONE’S SIN—and it died there. It was finished.

I cannot read the rest of Psalm 22 aloud without tears—seeing my Lord bleeding, dying, but triumphant—having consumed His Father’s wrath, obedient to the last. Then with a shout for the ages, not with sadness, but firm belief, He gives prophecy for all the world, then and now, to hear:

26. From you comes the theme of my praise in the great assembly; 
 before those who fear you I will fulfill my vows.

27. The poor will eat and be satisfied;
 those who seek the Lord will praise him—
may your hearts live forever!

28. All the ends of the earth
 will remember and turn to the Lord,
 and all the families of the nations
 will bow down before him,

29. for dominion belongs to the Lord
 and he rules over the nations.

30. All the rich of the earth will feast and worship;
 all who go down to the dust will kneel before him—
 those who cannot keep themselves alive.

31. Posterity will serve him;
 future generations will be told about the Lord.

32. They will proclaim his righteousness,
 declaring to a people yet unborn:
 He has done it! 

What Time is the Right Time to Pray?

There are over 200 prayers by many folks about many things scattered throughout the Bible. We have examples of how to pray and to whom. 

But more prayers are credited to David than any other person in the Bible. He was the shepherd boy who killed Goliath and also a king, chosen by God. His prayers are heartfelt conversations with the God that David served and loved.

King David was “a man after God’s own heart.” This was not because he was perfect or his prayers better than others. David lusted, committed adultery, arranged a murder and had a child out of wedlock. He pleased God’s heart, however, because he was consistently in touch with and seeking God—through prayer.

So, when should we pray?

David didn’t have a schedule. He prayed in the morning (Ps 5:3), in the evening (Ps 4:4,8) —whenever he was angry, joyful or his heart needed comfort. (Ps 5:1-2)

We can have a prayer life like David’s. Each morning, praise our Creator for the blessings He has given us, including a new day. Listen quietly inviting God to make our prayer time a conversation. Present each request for the moment—and throughout the day. (Phil 4:6)

At night, thank Him for being present through each circumstance and for allowing us to speak directly to Him. “Then, the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. “(Phil 4:7)

Prayer isn’t ruled by the clock but by our desire to connect with God.

Reflect:

When you pray in the morning, how does this change your circumstances throughout the day?

When you pray in the evening, how could this prepare you for the morning?

HOPE IN THE LORD!

Do you ever feel that you’re not ‘good enough?’ Are you a believer, but struggle to believe? Do you have doubts about whether you can be forgiven for all ‘those’ things? Are you a servant who can’t remember what your passion is, or if you do, you haven’t one more bit of strength to excercise it? Maybe you’ve been wounded in the church and just can’t believe healing will ever occur.

Or maybe you are skeptical of church and religion and all they appear to stand for—because it seems either too good to be true, or you have never experienced the good and don’t believe it really exits. You don’t believe Jesus walked and died and was raised from the dead. You don’t believe God is real. You think the world is a cosmic accident and since you weren’t included in the planning, you have no responsibility for the outcome.

If you feel ANY of these things, if you believe any of these things, I would like to share gently that I think you are wrong.

I won’t spend a great deal of time trying to convince you that you are wrong. But I will share a portion of scripture that was a part of our devotional reading this morning. 

I believe God is real. I believe Jesus is who He says He is. I believe the Bible is true—all of it. And these beliefs are making me into the godly woman I am supposed to be. Because of that, I get great comfort AND chastisement when I read scripture.

I pray you will hear God’s heart, spoken through David, as you read this Psalm.

Blessed is he whose trangressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.

Blessed is the man whose sin the LORD does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit.

When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.

For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.

The I acknowledged my sin to You and did not cover up my iniquity.

I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD”—and You forgave the guilt of my sin.

Therefore let everone who is godly pray to You while You may be found; surely when the mighty waters rise, they will not reach him.

You are my hiding place; You will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.

I will instruct You in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. 

Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to You. 

Many are the woes of the wicked; but the LORD’s unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in Him.

Rejoice in the LORD and be glad, you righteous; sing, all you who are upright in heart!

The vagaries of social media dictate, to me at least, that there are times of plenty and times of famine. I’ve had plenty to do lately, that has taken all my time and energy. Therefore, a famine resulted in my blog posting.

But it wasn’t really that I had too much to do. I had burned myself out having to much to do AND trying to keep to an arbitrary schedule of what to do when.

So, I quit—for a while. 

Of course, the fact that I have become MUCH more active on Twitter (@momisnowtweetin) has had some effect as well. AND the fact that my domain name didn’t get renewed and I didn’t know it and therefore couldn’t quite figure out why I couldn’t get to my own blog…(I mean really. How hard should that be to figure out?) just shows how tired I really was. No patience. No determination. No posts.

So, I’ve unquit. At least I think I have. But to be clear, I still write. And Twitter has taught me one major fact: being forced to use only 140 characters to make a point cuts out the tendency to over-word. 

I posted a new devotion today. I will be posting some of my older ones mixed in with articles and new thoughts as they occur. Sometimes, The Renewing of My Mind takes longer than I expected.

Do You Have a Position or a Responsibility?

There it is: The Perfect Job. It’s the one we’ve dreamed about, prepared for and always wanted. It’s there in the ad, an email, or at the end of the boss’s sentence—‘We’d like to talk to you about an opportunity.’

In Titus 1:5-9, Paul lists the job description for such an opportunity—for church leaders he was ready to appoint. His want ad used words we still find in most effective leaders today: blameless, faithful, not overbearing, not quick-tempered, self-controlled, holy and disciplined—even being a good parent is covered. 

But maybe thoughts of leadership cause us to feel unworthy, ill equipped—even terrified. It’s not what we want to sign up to do.

We may shy away from leadership thinking we don’t have a title or position that includes it. What we do have is a savior who says ‘Lead!’ In John 21:15-17 Jesus tells Peter to feed and care for His sheep. As Christ followers, we lead others to know who Jesus is and share what He is doing in our own lives.

Each Christ follower is a leader with a job description just like Paul gave to Titus—whether we are at home, with friends or on the job. Leading is the first and most important responsibility we have, as individuals, spouses and parents.

Most of us look into the future dreaming of the position we wish we had. God calls us to be responsible for the one we have—showing the world Jesus by being like Him.

Reflect:

What qualities do you see in those who lead you? Where do you see Jesus in their lives?

It’s funny how social media changes—and how it changes us. As life has gotten more complicated of late, I have written less—on Tumblr anyway. I haven’t stopped writing devotionals and articles for our church blog (newspring.cc/watchandread/articles); but I’ve visited Tumblr less (primarily because I temporarily forgot my password and have to use it—TWICE—to get to my dashboard!?!)

Anyway, after a few years here, I’ve noticed that I have THREE TIMES more followers on Twitter than Tumblr. It seems to be all about the short message these days. Which is not to say that long messages aren’t still needed. It is very difficult to spout dogma, opinion or simply comment intelligently in 140 characters. 

Having said that, I think Twitter is making me think harder about what I DO want to say—and saying it succinctly.

Why do I have to sign in twice in order to write on my blog??? What happened to the ‘dashboard’ drop down?!?

12 Lessons from 48 Years

Forty-eight years is a lot of anniversaries to celebrate. And it hasn’t always been easy getting here. These are a few things we’ve learned that may be helpful to young marriages, those not so young, and perhaps those of you contemplating marriage in the near future.

1. Your spouse has no idea what you are thinking. Really. You actually have to talk with each other. Out loud.

2. Date night is non-negotiable. It may be the only time you can talk!

3. Discipline the children. Make sure you agree on how, AND DON’T EVER BACK DOWN. If they see an opening, they will crash through and take over—and they never give back territory gained. Be friends when they are 21—not before.

4. Reduce TV time! Or, do away with it altogether. We’ve been without TV for over seven years, and with the exception of sports, we don’t miss it. What we’ve gained is precious time—together. You’re not together when watching TV. You’re simply in the same room.

5. Housework can, and should, be shared. Both of you “work.” Both of you should make your house a “home.” It is so pleasant to see my husband vacuuming—and cooking. I tell him he does both “soooo much better than I do.” Dusting? Not so much.

6. Take vacations! This is to be differentiated from ‘visiting the relatives.’ I should not have to explain this.

7. Devotions are better together. I would have gotten up at six, or five, had I known the impact reading the Bible and studying together would have on our marriage.

8. Read other books together: The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman, Love and War, by John and Stasi Eldredge—books by Andy Stanley, Clayton King, Perry Noble and countless others that are out there. These have meant so much to our relationship.

9. Read and obey Ephesians five. God has shown me what it means to live under the spiritual guidance of my husband when he is following Jesus and loving and supporting me in the same way Jesus loved His Church. God is teaching me to be a godly wife and has taught me how to relinquish control to Him—and to my husband.

10. Never, ever use sex as a weapon, but have it in a way that is mutually enjoyable—and often.

11. Remember that financial stability comes from knowing who comes first—and it isn’t you, your spouse or children!

12. Be a man or woman of your word. Don’t make promises you can’t keep and keep the ones you make.

Obedience is easy. It’s submission that’s hard. God has helped us work at our marriage. Marriage is hard, but it’s worth it. Even if you are in the middle of a difficult season, He can help you today. Be in it for the long haul. Together is better: you, your spouse, and God.