♚┋ GET THE COOL SHOE SHINE.

          “You mean you don’t believe me ?? I’m hurt, Noodle, really.”

        ❛     REWL     CREEPY      ❜      a     pause     /     there’s     a     moment    taken    to    STEAL    A    GLANCE    toward     the    guitarist    ,    before     returning     his     curious     gaze     ‘   pon     the     cup     of    joe      ,        ❛     wot     are     we     lookin  ‘     at     ,    exactly    ?    ❜

          “That’s definitely somethin’ I’ve heard, yeah.”

         “ you’re one of the twenty - three too, aren’t you? ”  miso is anxious. she’s been looking for a long time. 

angst ask meme cont. from ( x ) // @shcshine·

HEARING NOODLE’S WORDS MADE HIM SCOFF. A sad, desecrated scoff, of an old, regretful man whose time was WEARING THIN upon the very earth —- it wasn’t up until that very moment that strong emotions finally came into play, FLOODING to his shaken head, the utter feelings of DEEP SORROW, the realization of the considerably awful legacy he’d leave behind after 2-D would presumably SPIT on his LONESOME GRAVE. The wilting flowers next to his gravestone that only foreshadowed his prior SELF-DESTRUCTIVE state, MEANINGLESS WORDS carved onto a block of limestone ——— NOBODY WOULD READ THEM, maybe once - twice even, but then it’d all be FORGOTTEN. Or the good, more forgivable parts at least, the rest of him would be remembered and SIMPLY DISGUSTED, leaving behind a shadowy presence beside his CURSED name. 

He couldn’t even bare to look at her, hearing her ‘ wish it was a joke ’, some sick father’s day prank that both Russ and 2-D would JUMP OUT ON HER and - poke her, possibly giving her some TISSUES additionally, explaining that ‘ it’s all okay ’ and it was just that, A JOKE. He wished that, too. “ Now. I know I, I uh – joke about with these things.. A LOT. ” The cigarette in his mouth was crooked, lolling from side-to-side in between his COARSE LIPS with the streams of smoke following suit, his tone lay MELLOWLY and haunted the silent FACADE they both stood within - swallowing prior lies to admit the FINAL TRUTH that would only increase Noodle’s pleas. The seriousness encased in his tone only CEMENTED how true Murdoc was being, there was no sense of laughter or a crude remark layered in here and there to LIGHTEN THE MOOD ——- just shifting eyes and the fear of MORTALITY.  “ I ain’t jokin’ about this, Noodle. I - I COULDN’T go t’anyone else. ” He took in a uneasy breath, eyes facing the floor, tearing up GRADUALLY - that damned salty liquid blurred his vision leaving him quietly SOBBING for a few shortened seconds before continuing, voice CRACKING beneath the pressure of Noodle’s shattered existence glaring down at him with WIDE PUPILS, “ I mean. Why - why would Stu even listen? What logical reasonin’ is there behind THAT? And, Russ… He WOULDN’T even bloody believe me. ”  ‘ Everything has to be alright in the end, because if it’s not the alright - then it’s not THE END, ’ and the only way to set things right was to APOLOGIZE – jaws parting to CROAK out a small ‘ I’m sorry ’ before blocking his vision with his own hands, TEARS gathering in his palms, he could feel himself slipping away before everyone’s UNAWARE PASSING LOOKS. It had pained him for so many years, that certain feeling of DEATH upon the horizon - a SINKING DULLNESS of demise’s COLD grasp - and the sudden declaration on FATHER’S DAY, of all days, only WORSENED the blow. ‘ I’M SORRY. ’ He couldn’t help but repeat it again - and AGAIN, as that was all he really craved, FORGIVENESS. It hurt, it hurt to see Noodle like this —–everything just HURT.

 no   ,   no ,  no  .

  the  mere  thought  of  murdoc  no  longer  being  alive  shook  her  ,  it  was  not  meant  to  be  that  way  .  it  wasn't  right  or  fair  .  he  was  getting  better  now  ,  his  very  nature  seemed  to  be  improving  an  awful  lot  &&  now  death  was  knocking  on  his  door  ?  noodle  could  not  accept  this  ,  it  was  cruel  .  he  may  have  been  terrible  at  times  but  he  was  the  best  damn  dad  to  her  .  she  was  grateful  to  him  for  putting  up  with  her  when  she  was  a  kid  .  he  respected  her  privacy  &&  was  right  by  her  pretty  much  all  of  the  time  .  he  cared  in  his  own  way  ---  that  was  better  than  nothing  at  all  .

 sure  ,  there  could  be  many  mixed  reviews  on  this  opinion  but  she  genuinely  believed  that  he  did  not  deserve  to  die  .  he  wasn't  what  people  assumed  of  him  ,  noodle  was  always  perceptive  when  reading  people  &&  could  see  past  it  all  .  murdoc  was  no  exception  to  this  ,  she  knew  he  was  better  than  what  others  believed  .  no  one  took  the  time  to  truly  look  at  him  &&  smile  .

 he  had  a  tough  time  when  he  was  younger  &&  that  shaped  him  into  something  bitter  but  at  least  he  did  something  about  it  ,  he  was  turning  his  life  around  .  but  now  he  just  told  her  that  he  was  dying  which  she  couldn't  accept  .  he  still  had  so  many  years  ahead  of  him  .  her  eyes  are  huge  with  the  minuscule  tears  pouring  out  of  them  ,  her  heart  sinking  in  her  chest  as  his  words  ring  in  her  head.

 ‘  so  this  ---  this  is  really  happening  ?  you're  .  .  .  gonna  die  ?  ‘  voice  is  shaky  &&  she  can't  look  at  him  anymore  .  she  doesn't  want  this  to  be  a  truth  but  she  knows  he  wouldn't  go  this  far  ,  he  would  never  hurt  her  like  this  .  she  understands  that  this  is  inevitable  but  it  hurts  ,  it  hurts  like  a  bitch  &&  she  wants  it  to  cease  .  ‘  no  ,  but  you  can't  .  this  isn't  right  .  this  is  ---  this  is  wrong  ,  murdoc  .  you  don't  deserve  to  die  .  ‘  her  tone  is  that  of  a  defeated  person  ,  cracking  as  the  tears  only  seem  to  increase  .

 noodle's  body  shakes  as  the  sobs  leave  her  ,  gently  wrapping  her  arms  around  his  frame  in  a  hug  because  she  needs  to  let  him  know  that  it's  okay  .  that  this  wasn't  about  herself  ,  he  didn't  need  pity  from  anybody  ;  especially  from  her  .  ‘  i  believe  you  .  y'know  i'll  always  believe  you  .  no  matter  what  .  ‘  she  feels  the  hot  liquid  of  her  tears  sting  her  skin  as  she  adamantly  refuses  to  let  go  of  him  .  he  was  her  dad  .  sure  ,  2-D  and  russel  were  always  by  her  side  but  murdoc  was  her  FATHER  .  no  one  else  could  claim  that  spot  from  him  .  not  now  ,  not  ever  .

@bastardbxssist.

 she  blinks  once  or  twice  ,  shock  visible  on  her  petite  features  as  she  looks  murdoc  up  &&  down  .  noodle  can  only  hope  that  this  is  some  sort  of  sick  joke  .  after  all  ,  it  was  father’s  day  ,  he  was  practically  a  paternal  figure  to  her  .  despite  everything  that  he  said  &&  did  she  always  knew  that  a  part  of  him  cared  but  just  didn’t  know  how  to  show  it  .  noodle  would  always  put  the  band  members  first  as  they  were  her  family  ,  that  included  him  .  she  lets  out  a  shaky  breath  &&  takes  off  her  sunglasses  so  that  she  can  view  him  clearly  .

 his  lifestyle  was  one  that  noodle  had  admittedly  gotten  used  to  ,  not  particularly  paying  it  any  mind  but  now  that  she  actually  gave  it  some  thought  —  it  was  quite  easy  to  see  that  it  could  lead  to  some  sort  of  illness  .  excessive  smoking  ,  drinking  ,  all  the  things  that  came  in  that  package  .

 noodle  doesn’t  want  to  let  murdoc’s  words  register  in  her  mind  but  she  has  no  choice  but  to  face  up  to  them  ,  not  even  noticing  the  small  tears  that  emit  from  her  dark  hues  .  his  tone  of  voice  suggested  no  joke  ,  his  expression  one  of  truth  .  but  this  CANNOT  be  a  reality  .  murdoc  just  seemed  so  timeless  .  he  was  her  family  &&  he  would  be  here  with  her  forever  .  no  matter  how  many  times  they  would  not  see  eye  to  eye  or  he  would  do  /  say  something  inappropriate  ,  he  was  always  a  constant  .  no  matter  how wrong  he  did  towards  her  in  the  past  or  present  ,  he  was  there  .

 that  couldn’t  change  .  he  had  to  be  okay  .

 ‘  y —  you’re  not  .  you  can’t  die  .  ‘  her  words  are  hurried  ,  body  language  frantic  as  her  gaze  runs  up  &&  down  him  with  shock  .  she  can  feel  the  tear  stains  on  her  cheeks  ,  something  the  guitarist  always  hated  .  she  didn’t  want  to  be  weak  ,  her  mental  strength  was  better  than  most  but  this  was  something  that  could  easily  break  her  down  .

 ‘  murdoc  ,  you  tell  me  right  now  that  this  is  a  joke  .  you’re  not  fucking  dying  .  don’t  you  dare  say  that  to  me  .  please  .  ‘

 she  pauses  ,  taking  a  moment  to  let  out  yet  another  shaky  breath  .

❝ ……❞

❝ that phone nearly killed me ! ! !❞ he yelped, staring at the hot, melted mess that used to be a samsung galaxy s8.

——— / / ———

       ‘ NO –- i was actually born this way !  but thank you, nonetheless. ‘ 

         ❛     WOZZAT   –   ?      is      sumfin ‘    gonna    jump    out    at    me   ?   ❜

          “… ghosts. yeah, yeah – definitely that.”

          “it WASN’T ME and you CAN’T PROVE ANYTHING.”