washing dishes is evil because you go "oh fuck there's so many dishes this is gonna take foreverrr" and then you enter the dish abyss and emerge with your abdomen somehow covered in water and your hands all wrinky and then you look at the clock and what felt like half an hour was actually 10 minutes

customer facing worker faces customers politely more at ten

Doing the Thriller eyes whenever a friend tells me their mom thinks I’m funny

Oh what is it suddenly unwoke to fuck your friends’ moms?

I thought this was the ethically dubious relationship website and you people can’t even get onboard with befriending people so you can deep dick their moms??

oh, me? yeah, im a panel 1 girl. panel 2? instant loss? no, no, i dont believe in that stuff

the faint, muffled noises coming from the right that kind of sound like me moaning are probably just swamp gas or ball lighting

the nsfw ban on Tumblr is temporarily lifted every time you scroll your for you tab at work

once you realize you don’t actually need to sleep, you can really (stops talking abruptly and stares straight ahead for 4 minutes)

tumblr is the website for if you're just someone's weird sister

daddy can't take you to the woodshed today kitten. daddy needs to lock the fuck in

big fan of whatever the youth is doing to torment scientology buildings

dont worry, i'll be hot and funny again as soon as i'm done fighting for my life right now

i tried explaining to this girl at a party once how i could be gay and asexual at the same time and it basically boils down to never being into anyone but like once a year i’ll find a man attractive. and she was like “so what am i if i only like girls, and i’ve never found any of my boyfriends attractive and and i just wanna do cocaine all the time?” i was like “you’re a lesbian with a coke addiction?” and she was like “woooooah”. she broke up with her boyfriend that night and had a threesome with two girls in the bathtub. rebecca if you’re out there, i hope you’re going places. well, not far, since you’re electronically tagged. but spiritually.

i tried explaining to this girl at a party once how i could be gay and asexual at the same time and it basically boils down to never being into anyone but like once a year i’ll find a man attractive. and she was like “so what am i if i only like girls, and i’ve never found any of my boyfriends attractive and and i just wanna do cocaine all the time?” i was like “you’re a lesbian with a coke addiction?” and she was like “woooooah”. she broke up with her boyfriend that night and had a threesome with two girls in the bathtub. rebecca if you’re out there, i hope you’re going places. well, not far, since you’re electronically tagged. but spiritually.