Owner of little bookworms, the dirty type.

it concerns me that people really don’t know that adhd isn’t a personality type or behavioral problem.

adhd isn’t someone who’s personality is driven by fun and disorder.

adhd is someone who’s brain goes all over the place looking for dopamine, because it doesn’t make or register enough of it, and when it finds a source of dopamine, it hyperfixates on it. it’s about deregulation of attention as well as emotions.

it’s not a person who can’t behave. a person with adhd can look like a lot of things. misconceptions about what adhd looks like kept me from even looking for a diagnosis, and it also kept myself and others (professionals, even) from taking my suspicions seriously.

Well, well, well - 2022. What a year it was.

Honestly? It was probably the greatest fucking year of my life.

I did and accomplished so many things. Some of them I set out to do, some of them caught me by surprise, and some of them started as one thing and then became something else entirely. And yes, there were even things that I had wanted to accomplish - goals I'd set - that I didn't make it to. But even with those, I learned and grew and now I can set myself up for even greater things this year.

@daddybiff and I had such a fucking year - both individually and together.

We traveled far and wide, we got engaged, he started a whole new job, I started an entirely new position at the same company, we moved to a whole new state, we battled several different kinds of assholes, we faced down (and beat!) trauma, we learned new things about ourselves and about each other, we grew stronger together...

And, oh yeah! Did I mention we got fucking married?

Anyway, here are some things I learned in 2022 that I'm going to take to heart and carry with me into 2023:

It's okay to stand up for yourself. @daddybiff taught me this one. For so many years - for forever, really - I would sit down and shut up and just kind of shove down the things that people did that hurt me and move on my merry way. In most cases, you're never going to get the outcome you want from airing your hurt or trying to hold people accountable or whatever, so I figured why even bother? And I'd just shut up and carry on. But he taught me that sometimes it's okay to tell people when they've fucked up or that they've hurt you or that you're disappointed in them. Sometimes that's better. You don't always have to bury your hurt. You don't have to keep everything to yourself. There is, as with everything, a balance to be struck - but you don't always have to swallow things whole just to keep the peace. Sometimes keeping the peace is overrated.

Closure is something you have to give to yourself - you're not going to get that from other people. Which goes hand-in-hand with the point above this. Yes, sometimes you should say what you feel and call people on their bullshit and confront your abusers. But sometimes you have to accept that no amount of confrontation and no amount of speaking your truth and no amount of carefully reasoned rhetoric is going to get you the result or the reaction you want. Sometimes you have to just chalk it up to a loss or chalk them up as an asshole or whatever and do the hard work all on your own and make the decision to move past it.

It's okay to hold people accountable. It's okay to expect people to do the things they say they're going to do. It's okay to expect people to keep their promises. It's okay to expect people to keep their word. And it's okay to call them on it when they don't.

You should expect that the people who love you will take an interest in the things that you love. They don't have to make it their whole personality. They don't have to devote boatloads of time to it. They don't have to allow it to overtake their own interests and hobbies and passions. But it's totally reasonable to expect that if someone loves you and cares about you that they would show interest in the things that interest you. Especially if you do that for them.

It's okay to have the uncomfy conversations. You don't have to stuff your feelings and your needs and your questions down just to keep the peace. You don't have to sacrifice yourself for someone else. It's okay to ask for what you need. It's okay to talk about the hard things. It's okay to ask questions and seek answers and seek out the support you need. The conversations may not always go smoothly - they won't be easy - they may hurt - they may lead to arguments - but you and your partner will be happier and stronger and better off if you talk about the issue when they arise as opposed to shoving them down because you think the conversation is going to be uncomfortable.

Don't lose yourself in the people that you love. You've got to maintain yourself - your identity, the things you love, the things that make your soul burn, the things you care about. You shouldn't give up doing what you love and enjoy so that you can focus on the things that are important to the people you love. Don't get me wrong - if you love someone you should absolutely make them a priority and you should make an effort to do things they love and spend time focused on them and spending time on them. But you also need to make sure you're prioritizing yourself too. Learn, grow, change, evolve - but don't lose yourself in the process.

And finally, this: Things really do get better.

With that said, I married the love of my fucking life this year so I'm not really sure how 2023 could get better than that - but I cannot wait to find out.