D0 1 CR33P Y0U 0UT?

Tap, tap, tap.

The white is blinding.

Tap, tap, tap.

It burns.

Tap, tap, tap!

Kate tossed in her bed, shielding her eyes from the light.

The light then stops, and the window opens.

“Kate!”

“Carl?”

“Here!” The little boy — no more than 5 — said, tossing a flashlight onto her bed. “Come on, let’s go to the forest!”

The little girl rubbed her eyes as she yawned, “It’s too early….”

“My parents grounded me,” Carl explains, “I can’t be seen out here by them.”

Kate swung her little legs off the bed, “Okay, but wait here because my shoes are at the front door.”

The night still lingers and the stars still shining, the cold nipping at the childrens’ faces. Their small flashlights barely illuminating the dense and intimidating forest in front of them. Kate trembles slightly, her breath fogging the air in front of her.

“We’ve been here a bunch of times… you scared of the dark?” Carl smirked.

“No… I’m… I’m just cold.” Kate retorted.

“Yeah, right!” He laughed, pushing Kate playfully.

“I’m telling the truth! I’m not scared I’m just cold! It’s… very cold….”

Both of the children enter the woods, hand-in-hand.

Kate loved the forest, the earthy and relaxing colors calmed her - her body lighter, her mind calm, she almost felt fluttery. Carl and her would play and climb in the trees, play with the roly-polys, and pick at the grass for hours under the shade and protection of the trees. And when she was with her family, they would have picnics in this same forest. She remembered a butterfly had landed on her head once.

But this was different, and it wasn't because it was dark, but rather the thought of something in the black abyss is what scared her.

Nausea built within her as the ventured further into the forest, the place she had loved and memorized now seemed foreign. The trees closed in on her, the roly-polys no where to be seen, and the grass quivered under her. Kate gripped Carl’s hand tighter as she blinked away tears.

“You're such a baby, you know that?”

“Shut up, Carl!”

“Don't tell me to shut up, you shut up!”

“You started it, you jerk! I'm going home!”

Begrudgingly, Kate stormed off after that.

The sun was no where in sight, and Kate was still in the forest. Her legs burned from walking, and her eyes from crying. She wished she stayed with Carl, no matter how mean he was to her - at least she had someone with her in the woods. Shaking, she slumped against a tree, exhaling a sob.

Until the tree started to move.

Kate spun around flashing her light at the — legs. Tall, thin legs. Scrambling backwards, she saw more and more of what it was.

A very, very tall man with no face.

Her head was full of static, her ears ringing, and her vision getting blurry.

‘No.’ Kate thought, ‘I’m not going to run away, it’ll just come back again.’

Feebly, she threw her flashlight at the creature — before it all went black.

“Kate…”

“Kate…!”

“KATE!”

I lifted my head up from my desk in a daze, drool dribbling from the corner of my mouth.

“Good morning, I’m glad to have you joining us again.”

I heard light snickering around me, I sigh as I wipe the drool off.

“Sorry, I… haven’t been sleeping well.”

“Apparently so,” The professor walked back over the board. “You’re going to have to get used to it, though, if you really want to become a nurse.”

I nod in agreement, “Yeah, yeah….”

‘That hardass could’ve at least pulled me to the side after class….’

“Hey, are you okay?”

I stopped in the middle of putting my book about morse code into my bag to look at the familiar voice beside me. “Yeah, no, I’m fine.”

The girl bit the skin of her lip, looking off to the side. “…Are you sure?”

I sighed, “Yes, Lauren, I’m fine. I’ve… just been getting caught up so… I haven’t been sleeping well.”

Lauren replied with an ‘mmm’ as she tore some of the skin off her lip.

She wasn’t going to drop it.

“Yeah me too… you know, drinking energy drinks always helped me.”

She didn’t drop it.

“They make me shaky and paranoid.” I grunt, slipping my bag over my shoulder. “I already look like a mess, I don’t wanna add onto that by acting like a coked up chihuahua.”

Lauren’s lips creeped into a small smile — before quickly pursing her lips, “You know, not many patients will like your… humor.”

“And?” I retorted, stepping out of the class. “I’m the one taking care of them — I wouldn’t care what my nurse’s humor was as long as they’re taking care of me.”

“I would,” Lauren refuted, “If they had a dry sense of humor I’d probably want a different one.”

“Are you saying I have a dry sense of humor?” I laughed, nudging Lauren playfully.

“No! I’m just saying that if me and the nurse weren’t compatible I wouldn’t like them—” Lauren laughed, her dimples showing — but she quickly pursed her lips again.

I remembered one time Lauren told me she hated her dimples, that it made her look old. I told her she was crazy for thinking that but she laughed it off. It’s always the prettiest people who think lowly of themselves…. I’ve loved her wavy brown hair, her brown eyes and freckles. Her skin clear and glowing. Sometimes I wished I looked a little more like her, I would definitely look at the mirror more.

“Oh, no,” Lauren sighed as we entered the main hall, pointing out the window.

Following her finger, I sighed as well upon seeing the man dressed in a beanie, wifebeater, and baggy jacket and jeans.

It was Carl.

And he looked more sickly than the last time I saw him.

At least he makes me feel better about how I look in comparison to him.

He was waiting outside of my dorm-room smoking a cigarette, tapping his foot and looking around him every five seconds.

“Do you want me to call security?” Lauren asked.

“No, he’s harmless.” I said, pushing the large entrance doors to make my way outside.

Walking across the lawn and to the stairs, Carl quickly notices me and waves to me. Lauren was a little ways behind me, scanning Carl.

“Hey, Katie!”

“Hi Carl….”

Carl frowned, “Hey, I told you not to call me that, I go by CR now.”

“Really? Is that the new cool thing now? Being called an acronym?” I said, rolling my eyes.

“Nah, man, it’s my alter ego.” Carl—I mean, CR, said while he threw his cigarette on the ground and smashed it with his dc trainers. I have no faith that he knew what that meant.

Lauren—who I had completely forgot was behind me— startled me as she huffed, “What a dick…” She mumbled, frowning now at the ashy mess on the ground.

“Lauren! Long time no see!” CR grinned, showing off his yellow teeth.

Lauren glared at him, and he immediately put his hands up.

“Woah, what’s with the daggers, babe? Yer cuttin’ my heart up with those!”

She scrunched her nose at him, “It’s… nothing.”

“Aw, come on, you can tell me doll!”

Lauren takes a deep breath, “When was the last time you paid Kate?”

CR’s playful face immediately turned sour, “Hey, man, I paid her not to long ago, right Katie?”

Technically, he paid me.

Lauren looked at me for confirmation and I nodded.

“See? Now get off my back, bitch.”

“Woah, HEY!” I snarled, “That was fucking uncalled for dude!”

“She had it coming!”

“No the fuck she didn’t! She was just looking out for me! Remember, I’m the one housing you dude, so don’t be a fucking dick!”

“Oh, so you’re just gonna kick me out on the streets over a fucking word? I can’t fucking believe you’re picking fucking sides!”

“I’m not picking sides—” ”Yes you fucking are—!”

“GUYS,” Lauren interrupted, subtly pointing with her thumb at the little crowd that was forming.

My heart dropped as I saw the familiar faces, all whispering to each other.

Oh, god, not again.

I pushed past CR as I unlocked the door and scrambled inside the small room, beelining straight to the bathroom and slamming the door behind me and locking it.

Inside, I turn on the light, but it doesn’t help all that much with my swirling vision and dizziness. Sitting on the ground, I take my shaking, clammy hands and wrap them around me, rocking back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back—

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

I cried out a wail from the loud sound, my ears ringing. ‘Are those gunshots?!’

“Kate, what the hell is happening in there?!”

“Go away!” I yell, covering my ears. ‘Is that the police?!’

“Open the door—!”

“Stop yelling at her! Move out of the way, I’ll talk to her.”

“I said go away!” I scream.

“I will…. But know I’m here for you.”

I scrunch my hands at the roots of her hair, tears slightly fogging my vision.

My chest swells and my heart feels like it’s trying to break my ribs.

“I think I’m gonna die! I can’t fucking breathe!”

“You’re not dying. Okay? You are not dying.”

I take short deep breaths, nausea building in my throat.

“I can’t….” I weep, “I can’t….” I feel myself curling up into a ball on the floor, my fingers curling too.

I can feel every second of my chest tightening in on me, I take a deep breath because I know that I won’t breathe again. But after 5 long seconds I can’t hold it in anymore, I sputter out the oxygen in my lungs and quickly try to breathe in another long breath. ‘I won’t let my chest drown me, I won’t!’ I try to hold in the air again but my lungs are crushed! I hack out the air and gasp in another breath trying to hold it in….

And my world goes dark.

Kate stood at the edge of the fenced-in playground, looking out at the tall pale man. He didn’t do anything, he just… stood there. Like he was just another tree. Watching her with no eyes. It had been five years since the woods incident where Kate was found hours later unconscious with a bloody nose. And throughout those years she always had this mixture of static and beeping in the back of her head. But when she looked at the creature or got close to it, the beeping and static got louder. It was scary at first, but she got used to it.

Something wet fell on her lips, touching it, she look at the dark red substance on her fingertips.

“Mrs. Smith! Kate has a bloody nose again!” Cried one of the children, pointing at her.

Kate quickly tried to clean up the blood with her shirt, sniffling.

“Oh, no, dear.” An elderly woman said in a rushed voice, hurriedly walking towards her and taking her small, slightly chubby hand into her frail, larger one. “Don’t do that - you’re ruining your shirt!” She said in an almost pitying tone.

“It’s not my fault it’s that tall man’s fault over there!” Kate whined, pointing to the creature over by the trees. Mrs. Smith’s eyes followed her little finger, but to no avail did she see it.

“Come along, dear, let’s call your mother and get you home, okay?” Mrs. Smith said, but Kate was focused on her peers eyes all on her.

“Thank you for coming as soon as you could Mrs… um… Hyoooun?”

“Hyoun.” Kate’s mother stated blankly.

“Oh, I’m terribly sorry dear—” Mrs. Smith started, but Mrs. Hyoun smiled half-heartedly and assured her it was fine. She gently squeezed Kate’s hand, who had tissues stuffed up her nose.

Kate peeked over at the window to find her fellow classmates giggling at her. And she cowered into the side of her mom, wishing they would go already.

“I think you might need to have her checked, Mrs. Hyoooun.” Mrs. Smith said, “I mean, the imaginary tall man, the nose bleeds—”

“My child is perfectly fine!” Mrs. Hyoun spat, “The only one who’s mental is you!”

“I never said—”

“Come on, Kate, we’re leaving. And we certainly don’t need to ‘have you checked,’ you’re fine. You’re just… a little sick. You’ll be feeling better in no time. I’m sure of it.”

She felt so guilty and so shameful of herself. And she had been clean for over a month, too.

Despite the bathroom fan going, Kate made the effort to silence her sobs as she looked at the pain she inflicted on her thighs, the blood dripping down the toilet. Puberty had hit her like a fully-loaded semi, and this was the only way she knew how to dealt with the pain.

It was a distraction and a punishment.

‘That stupid twig is ruining my fucking life!’ Kate thought, gritting her teeth as she inflicted more pain upon herself. ‘I can’t be normal for two fucking seconds! No!’

Kate earlier that day had scribbled nonsense onto the pages of her note-book during lunch, not only crudely drawing the slender man she had been seeing since a child but also venting her frustrations on the paper as well, writing things such as, ‘Always watches, no eyes.’ And, ‘Leave me alone.’

A girl had caught sight of her drawings, she snickered and spoke with her friends for a moment before approaching Kate. “Wow… did you do all of that?”

Kate quickly closed her book, heat rising on her cheeks.

“No! No! It’s okay… I actually like your… drawings.” She looked back at her friends, who were all giggling, and smiled. “Do you think you can show my friends those?”

Kate shook her head slowly.

“Oh, okay….” The girl said pouting, “Well, you’re a freak anyway and your scribbles you call art suck.”

“Kate? Everything alright in there?”

“Yeah,” she called out.

“Okay, well try to hurry because your dinner is getting cold.”

Her heart sank as she looked at the mess beneath her, new tears flooding her eyes.

She couldn’t do it anymore.

“Kate?”

I wake up, I’m still trembling and sweating and nauseous and hot.

“What?” I whimper.

“Will you open the door?”

“No.”

There’s another pause.

“Okay, you don’t have to do anything. Just know I’m here for you.”

I play with the fabric of the flattened green rug beneath me, hiccuping.

“I’m such a mess.” I croak, hot tears fill my eyes once more. “I can’t even pay attention in class… I can’t talk to people… everyone things I’m weird….” I cough out another sob, my throat scratchy and sore.

“You’re talking to me… and you talk to Carl—”

“Christ, it’s CR!”

There’s a groan on the other side of the door and I laugh a little, sniffling.

“And honestly Kate, everyone is a little weird. Everyone is a mess. And everyone has at some point fallen asleep in class.”

I frown a little.

There’s a sigh, “Look, what I’m trying to say is… is….”

Another voice chimes in, “Listen dude, there’s way more weirder and shit people out there. Compared to them you’re normal.”

“Yeah but compared to normal people I’m weird and shit!” I yell out.

There’s a pregnant pause.

“No… I get what you guys are trying to say.” I finally say, drawing roly-poly’s in the carpet. “And… I… appreciate it. Really….” I then wipe the bathroom mat clean and sigh.

“I’m sorry, Kate, I… I don’t have the right words, I just…” Lauren huffs. “You work really hard, you’re passionate and funny and honest—”

“Sometimes a little too honest—BAHUWUAH” I heard, presumably CR, skuttle backwards after, presumably Lauren, hit him somehow — and I snicker quietly.

“As I was saying…” Lauren says with gritted teeth, then she softens. “You’re an amazing person Kate, and I love you so, so much.”

I smile sadly as my tears roll down across my nose bridge to the floor, “I love you, too.”

“…Will you open the door now?”

I laugh heartly, “Yeah, yeah, I’ll open the door.”

It’d been several days since she’d been rushed to the hospital after her suicide attempt, and several more after being admitted to the psych ward. It wasn’t great, but it wasn’t horrible either. Everything was mildly uncomfortable to use because it was all safety-proofed, from the handles, to the windows, to the pens, to the soap she used. Not to mention the fact she was being watched like a hawk.

For entertainment, they watched movies that were for children, and played board games… which were also safety-proofed because someone tried to swallow and choke on one of the game pieces - so now they had to play with scraps of fabric.

The doctors and nurses were… okay. If anything they were just tired and slightly annoyed at all of the patients’ presence. But, they did their job nonetheless.

But, the only thing Kate wrote home about was the girl who had been her roommate. She had wavy brown hair, beautiful brown eyes, freckles dusted on her cheeks, and dimples when she smiled. She always helped around the hospital however she could - either by getting others to join activities or passing out food and drinks, she read stories to the younger patients and played with them, and exchanged pleasantries with the more elderly patients.

It was hard to believe such a sweet girl tried to kill herself.

“I’m Lauren!” She said to Kate on her first day, shaking her hand.

“I’m… Kate.”

“Aw, that’s a cute name!” Lauren smiled, gently letting go of Kate’s hand.

“Thanks… I… like your name, too.”

Lauren’s smile was even wider, perhaps a little too wide, and invited Kate to watch a movie with her.

“I want to be a nurse someday,” Lauren said one time when the both of them were drawing. “Like, a ward nurse, not the ‘normal’ ones.”

“Why?”

“I think the nurses here are… stiff.” Lauren responded hesitantly, “They’re… not fun. That’s why I wanna be a nurse, so that I can take care of people in the way I would want to be cared for.”

Lauren looked up from her paper, “What do you want to do, Kate?”

“Um…” Evidently, Kate hadn’t thought much of her future because she didn’t want one.

“I…guess I wanna be a ward nurse, too.”

Fire struck into existence as CR lit his brand-new looking pipe.

“Eugh, take that outside Carl you’re going to make the house smell like dead skunks!”

“CR,” he corrected, pointing at Lauren as he took a puff. “And chillax, I got a window open and an air freshener right beside me.”

Lauren’s cute face scrunches up again, “Seriously, why do you keep this guy around?”

I shrug as I blow on the hot chocolate in my hands, “He makes me laugh.”

The only reason I keep him around is because if I didn’t he would bitch and moan until I would let him crash on my couch. And it was true, he did make me laugh. But, honestly after all we’ve been through, after all he’s done for me, after what I did… I can’t just leave him in the dirt.

Not like his parents did.

Lauren huffed again, “Kate,” she begun, “I don’t want to be around that guy — at best he’s annoying and at worse he’s a pain in my ass.”

I looked over to CR, who seemed to be looking out at the sky and not listening to us.

“If you wanna hang out with him, that’s fine, but if you do — I don’t want to be around you anymore.”

‘I don’t want to be around you anymore.’

The sentence lingers in my head.

Lauren sighs, “I’m going to go home now, please, take care of yourself.”

And with that, she left.

“Wanna take a hit now?”

My lips press into a fine line as I look at CR. “Does it look like I want a hit?”

“No, no, your right… you look like you need it, Kate. And honestly, I wouldn’t blame you after your little freak out in the bathroom.”

I set the mug down on the coffee table and pinch the bridge of my nose, “No, CR, I can’t. Even if I wasn’t so focused on school you know that stuff makes me paranoid.”

“Suit yerself.”

The crickets chirp as the moon settles into full view among the stars, lights starting to turn on one by one in each house. The smoke from CR’s pipe gently floating away into the night sky.

I can’t just let it go.

“Hey,” I start, looking out the window. “What you did back there wasn’t okay. You can’t just call my friend a bitch.” ”This again?” He groaned.

“I’m being serious CR! That wasn’t cool!” I said, my tone getting more serious by the second. “What’s your problem with her anyway?”

“I’m not the one with a problem, Lauren’s the one with a stick up her ass!” CR threw his hands up in the air, “I didn’t do shit!”

“Bullshit.” I grit.

“See? This is exactly what I mean when I say you’re taking her side — YOU are taking HER side!”

“No, I’m not taking sides. I KNOW you CR and you like to stir the fucking pot!”

“Oh, and you think I don’t know you?” Carl is standing up now, “You’re a fucking brown-noser!”

“And you can barely pay me off! You spend all your fucking money on drugs and when I tell you I can’t keep this up you throw me fucking pocket change!” I yell, also standing up. “And you wear your fucking shoes inside when I’ve told you a million time not to! The LEAST you could do is look after the fucking house you fucking freeloader!”

“You fucking shut up you—” And he said it.

He called me that.

My mouth is slightly parted and my eyes widen as the realization of what he said hit me.

I try to blink away the tears in my eyes as I shake my head in utter disbelief, and the memory of the first person who said that word to me while pulling their eyes back floods over me like a broken dam. I remembered just… being confused, trying to correct the boy who said that to me and told him that I was Korean. I remembered telling my mom, and her crying as she held me close, telling me she was so sorry. That I was too young.

And along with the memories, came my tears.

“You’re… you’re a fucking asshole…!” My voice breaks as I throw on a jacket and head to the door.

“Kate I didn’t mean it—!”

I slam the door behind me.

Kate sat on top of one of the mossy boulders, looking at the sunset. The beautiful contrast between the warm colors of the sun fading away and the cool hues of the night sky slowly taking over was absolutely breathtaking.

“Ain’t it beautiful?”

“Christ, Carl!” Kate screeched, nearly kicking him.

“Holy shit Kate! I told you I was coming wasn’t I?! Trying to give me black eyes like you?”

“Well, walk a little louder next time! And for the last time it’s makeup you douchebag.” Kate groaned as she hugged her knees.

“How can I be a douchebag? I’m here to celebrate your sweet sixteen with ya.”

“For the last time, Carl, I’m not sleeping with you.”

“What!? I wasn’t— I’m not here for that! Get your mind out of the gutter.” Carl blushed, stumbling over his words as he fumbled with something in his pocket, which quickly caught the attention of the older girl.

Carl smirked as he pulled out a bag of clumps of….

“Is that dirt?”

“No—” His voiced cracked, which gained a laugh out of Kate. “It’s… It’s weed.” Carl said, trying to recover from the embarrassing moment; trying to play cool.

“Really? ‘Cause I think I see an earthworm in there.”

“What?!” Carl quickly checks the bag, Kate guffaws.

“I was just joking! God, you’re so gullible!”

“Oh, fuck off.” Carl grumbles as he pulls out something else from his pocket and sits down on the boulder with Kate.

“Have you… done this before?” Kate asks, her tone slightly changing to a more uncertain one.

“…No… Well— I’ve—I’ve smoked before but I mean I haven’t done this.” Carl gestures to the baggy and grinder in his hands.

Kate is silent for a moment as she watches Carl shakily put one of the clumps in the grinder.

“…What does it feel like?” Kate’s voice is just above a whisper.

“Heh…. Feels like cloud nine.” Carl smirks, picking out the stems and flicking them out on the ground.

“Could… I try it…?” ”Sure.…” Carl smirk grows wider as reaches for his pocket again and feels it around, then his movements turn more frantic before — “Ah, shit!”

“What?”

“I forgot my pipe….”

“Well, I guess we could eat the weed.”

“What! I’m not doing that!” Carl laughs as he playfully pushes her, and Kates laughs too.

Carl shushes Kate’s giggles as they sneak into his bedroom window.

“What? Are you grounded again?” Kate teased.

“You know how it is… those ol’ farts would ground me for breathing.”

“Then… don’t breathe.”

Carl chuckles as he goes through his drawers.

“You know, if I had a tool to smoke illegal substances I would make sure not to lose it.”

“Oh, shuddup.” Carl said, rummaging through his clothes until— “Found it.”

Kate and Carl sat on his bed as he put the grinded marijuana into the tiny bowl of the pipe. Kate’s heart start to race as Carl lit it, her anxiety growing.

“Scared?”

“A… a little bit.”

Carl’s eyes widened for a moment, then he blinked a few times and cleared his throat softly. “Oh… um… well, it’s nothing to worry about. It’s like I said, cloud nine.” He takes a deep inhale, his pursed lips turning into a frown as his eyes water.

Kate frowned, “Are you sure you’ve done this before?”

Carl nodded quickly before rapidly clearing the harsh smoke from his lungs, coughing into his elbow as quietly as he could. After a long 30 seconds of him coughing he finally lifted his head from the crook of his elbow, teary and red eyed as he handed the pipe to Kate. “Once.”

Kate carefully took it, looking at the swirling strokes of the wispy grey smoke. It almost reminded her of the incense her parents would light at home, except this smelt like shit.

She looked back up at Carl who was poorly trying to hold back his coughs, “…Why… did you do this?”

The teenaged boy shrugged, “Everyone else was doing it.”

Kate looked back down at the device in her hands, her stomach ached as if telling her ‘don’t.’

“Honestly, Kate, it’s not that bad as everyone else makes it seems. I mean, everyone I saw who did it looked relaxed.” Carl said in a rushed tone, almost annoyed. “You’re gonna be fine.”

She swallowed her nausea and brought it to her lips, taking in a deep breath of it in.

Pain spiked at the back of her throat, causing her to cough loudly, Carl rushed a hand to her mouth.

“Dude! Be quiet!”

She couldn’t, it was burning the back of her throat even more now that she tried to get it out of her. The smoke having no exit left but to crawl out through the nose, hot tears spilled as the pain was now in her nose and throat. She ripped Carl’s hand off her face as she tried to breathe, but she choked which caused her to cough louder, gasping and heaving after every hack.

“Oh-my-god shut up! My parents are gonna hear us dude—” Carl snatched the still-smoking pipe from Kate’s hands and shoved it under his clothes and slammed the drawer shut.

Kate fell to the ground, still in the thick of her coughing fit, crying and gasping for air when she could.

“Carl Ross! What is happening in there?!”

The boy whips his head to the girl on the ground, “Nice going, Kate! Now we’re in deep shit! Thanks to you!”

The door swings open to reveal an older woman with streaks of white in her hair, she gasps at the sight before her. “What happened?!” She rushes over to Kate and rubs her back, Carl’s father following along not too long after.

“Get the fuck upstairs! Both of you! NOW!” The bald man bellowed, pointing at them.

The teenagers, now standing across from the adults in the living room, felt like little children again.

“Well?” The woman asks, “Anything you have to say for yourselves?”

“I’m very sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Ross.” Kate said quietly.

Carl stayed silent.

“Nothin’ to say ya little shit?” The man growled.

“… I plead the fifth.” Carl sneered.

“Oh-! Fuck you, you little twerp!” Mrs. Ross tugged on Mr. Ross’ arm and tried to calm him down as he continued to yell expletives and obscenities to the young boy.

But all Kate could focus on was the tall and faceless man in the corner.

The room stretched as the voices of the three all vanished.

In fact, they all seemed to vanish all together; it was just her and it.

The static, despite being close to the creature, seemed distant. Her head didn’t ache as much as it did before, it fact it had felt empty. But the beeping, it ringed in her loopy head, it was calculated and constant. It almost reminded her of… morse code? Was that it? Was the beeping she had been hearing from this creature morse code? Is that how it communicated?

The questions that were swirling in her mind came to a sudden halt as black tendrils sprawled out from the creature’s back. Each tendril were memorizing with how they slowly swayed like the hips of a belly-dancer. And the room seemed to sway with them as they slithered further and further into the open, revealing themselves. Deliberately, each tendril curved to Kate’s left, pointing. Kate slowly turned her head to where the creature wanted her to look.

Smoke.

For the first time in forever it seemed, I went back to that forest. My face was puffy and my eyes red and bloodshot from crying, but it didn’t matter to me anymore. Nothing did.

Sitting on a log, I began to think to myself, about my life, my relationships.

In all honesty, the want of death has always been apart of my life, sometimes it was prevalent, sometimes it was just in the back of my subconscious, ever looming — as if reminding me that despite all the ups in life, it will be there for the down’s as well. I didn’t kill myself because for whatever reason, people still wanted me here despite my delusions and fucked up head. I didn’t understand it then and I still don’t understand it now.

And because people didn’t want me to die, I’ve given in, with that being the entire reason why I remain alive. It’s obvious that that’s a very depressing reason to stay alive - because it will upset others. But, I can’t think of another reason. And I can’t think of another way to live my life.

But what happens when all the people — the reasons — in your life vanish? What if they turn sour and rot away? What do you do then?

It’s a full moon out tonight, lucky for me as I loved that. There was something so beautiful and alluring about that glowing pearl in the sky that stood out amongst the inky darkness of space and the small little white dots along it. There was a stream in the distance I could hear the constant and rhymical flow to it, along with the chirps of the crickets.

I think I’ll—

A splitting screech rings through my ear-drums, I immediately cover my ears in an attempt to block the sound — which doesn’t work. My world seems to shake, losing my balance I drop to the floor and see behind me: