North by Northwick

My profile picture is "Timoclea Kills the Captain of Alexander the Great" (1659) by Elisabetta Sirani.

My banner image is "Figures 11-12" from Les secrets du premier livre sur l'espée seule (1573) by Henry de Sainct Didier.

For Pride Month, I would like to push the on-going conversation about under represented genders in our community with some questions: What is a gender? What is YOUR gender? What does it mean for a gender to be under represented? I can answer some of these questions for you, but I would like EVERYONE, not just people who already identify as LGBTQ, to take a moment and answer these questions. If we all understand what a gender is and means to a person, we can all better support those whose genders are not so common.

For those in the audience not used to considering these things, I will help you out. What a gender is has a knowable and comprehensible definition. A gender is a set of social roles, scripts, and expectations that inform how people identify and interact with the world around them--and reflexively how the world interacts with them. You all are familiar with the traditional dichotomy of 'man' and 'woman'. But you can see how, for example, 'boy' and 'man' do not carry with them the same social expectations. For all people a gender is a thing that changes and grows with them over time. Most 'boys' become 'men', but sometimes so do 'girls' or 'women' become 'men', and sometimes 'boys' become 'women' instead. Some people will never truly fit into these categories because they don't identify with them or because their society or culture refuse to acknowledge that identity. Some people come up with new words and identifiers that better reflect their sense of who they are and how they fit into the world, that some of us may find strange, awkward, or uncomfortable. Yet so too do we all have parts of our identity that others find challenging. They came free with being a human person.

If you have never asked yourself what it is your gender, here's how you will go about it. Ask yourself what roles do you see yourself filling in your community, or family, or friend group. What roles do you want to fill? Are these the same roles? How would you like your community or family or friend group to treat you? What things do you do to broadcast to them that that is the treatment you want?

I will go first. I for one identify with the social role of 'woman'. I like to be treated like I am a 'lady' and the politeness and gentleness that comes with it. But I am also a 'fencer'. I prefer having an expectation of not just athleticism but sportsmanship put on me. I identify with the overlap between 'swords' and 'lady'. Something beautiful and graceful, but also sharp and powerful. I identify more with the likes of Anne Bonny or Grace O'Malley than I do with Queen Elizabeth (either one). To encourage people to treat me like this I wear my hair long and I prefer skirts and dresses--when I am of necessity in pants, I prefer garments that show off my body. I put a great deal of effort into my clothes and grooming, yet I can't tell you how many people have looked me in the cleavage and called me sir. I am also frequently loud and gregarious, with a bawdy sense of humour that I try to temper with real sincerity and honesty. I am usually with the other fencers sparring, drilling, and talking shop. The most in my gender I ever felt was hot and sweaty from a rough work day and having the elderly Latina secretary call me 'mija' anyway. The script and roles I like applied to me are the ones where I get the soft touch we afford 'women' with the relaxed propriety we give to 'fighters'.

You may see that some of the roles I identified here are outside the traditional 'man' vs 'woman' spectrum, such as 'fighter' or 'fencer'. Others are divisions you might not have considered before like 'woman' vs 'lady'. These may not be immediately intuitive to people who've not thought much about gender, but when gender is understood as a cultural role a person plays, I find most people can easily feel the difference between them. In the SCA, our 'fighters' do not serve the same cultural role as our 'artisans'. We all know someone who is a 'gentleman' and someone who is maybe instead a 'guy' or even a 'dude'.

I once identified as a 'boy' when I was young, yet as said I now identify as a 'woman'. So to have all of us worn many different hats. In addition to once being a 'boy' I was also a 'theatre kid' and a 'dancer' and an 'animal handler'. I am now a 'teacher' and a 'fencer' and as of last week a 'mother'. The only roles that matter are the ones we have right now. So now it is everyone else's turn. What social roles do YOU identify with. How is that role represented in our community? I know 'women' who perform 'femininity' the same way I do and others who bring their own unique spin to it. I know 'men' who perform 'masculinity' totally differently from each other but they would each agree that they are still 'men' regardless.

So tell me what roles you fill and what roles you like. What do those roles mean to you? Are the roles to you aesthetic--a compilation of trends in shape and design and presentation--or is it character--systems of inwardly held personae and values--that govern these identities?

This week I welcomed a new member of my family. He is a Little Lord and he is very small. He prefers to be sitting up and he struggles with eating, but he loves to sleep and be moving at the same time. The nurses have been well impressed with the balance of his Humours and with his commitment to repose. In the few days I have had him and I have felt like both a Master of Motherhood and a Wretched Sham and everywhere in between.

My plan has been to step away from fencing for a time while I care for the Little Lord, I am becoming aware of the folly of that plan. Unexpectedly I have been more heavily effected by his tears than my own Beauteous Lady who actually carried him. I have felt quite powerless in the long hours where nothing consoles him. Despite the impossibility of my assisting in any meaningful way, my conscience has not absolved of its Duty of Care. To say this has been a drain on my constitution and good cheer is an understatement. I will need to be sure I balance my commitment to his care with my maintenance of my own physical instrument. I needs must have the rust knocked from my brain lest the Little Lord's tears corrode my mind entirely.

Still it has not been all bad. He has my eyes and he looks at everything with wonder--when he looks at anything at all. For a baby his hair is quite long. There has been lengthy debate about if it is blonde or brown or red and no consensus has yet been reached. I rather think he's blonde and find the chance of red quite impossible--i have seen no evidence of it myself--but that has not stopped his visitors cooing over his red locks when they first meet him. He chuffs like a horse in his sleep. On occasion I have caught him whinnying through his tears. Like all babies, his hands rest by his face and he suckles on his knuckles and his swaddling clothes. I fancy it looks like a high stance in German Longsword and amuse myself about his promising career in Cut and Thrust. He shall be a steel fighter just like his mother.

My wish--once he has finished crying and committed himself to actually eating instead of merely requesting food and weeping when given it--is to teach him the things the SCA has taught me. Even if he does not follow the Path and chooses instead to chart his own course, I hope he can take what I have learned of Nobility and Grace with him. There are many men, I fear, whose models are not worth his following: Scoundrels and Wastrels who will line their pockets by convincing him Wickedness and Cruelty are what it means to be a Man. Yet I know Gentlemen. No two are quite alike yet not a one have let themselves be eaten by Vice. They are men of Erudition, and Comportment, and Generosity, even Love, and Beauty, and Humour. I know Leaders and I know Friends and I know Comrades. So fortunate am I to know Gentlemen who would carry me on their backs if I asked them, if only for the honour of helping a friend. Would that he learns to be Gentleman like them, however he chooses to be.

So vivat, my Lovely Readers, for the littlest white scarf Ansteorra has ever seen. May his Path be easy, even as it winds.