cutiebooties-and-cumberbatch

Charlie is between the two immediately. "Enough. Dad, we talked about having empathy for Sinners and their experiences... remember? And Alastor, you know we've discussed you not using that against Dad... he's as much a part of the Hazbin Family as you are."

"So maybe stop fighting like fucking toddlers every three minutes?" Vaggie snaps, she'd been frazzled since the extermination. Sure the hotel was lovely and rebuilt, but the lack of word from heaven was putting her on edge. Charlie held all the optimism in the realtionship right now.

"Hey, he started it!"

"Ah, it appears you have both the height and the emotional maturity of a child then, Sire." Alastor goads, and stiffens as too many words trigger another round of nightmare noise.

(The sounds of ducks, shotgun blasts and a leisurely jazz that faded as the voice spoke) Up next, Guest Star the tiny tantruming K-K-K-King of HELL! (Fire crackling, screams and a wailing child repeating 'but I want it! I want it! I want it!) Hear the Boss of the 7 Rings give a short address on Radio 66.6 in the evening! (Circus music, cheering, mocking laughter)

"Alastor STOP!" Charlie orders.

He resists the urge to throttle her. "How do you propose I do that, Princess?"

That pulled her up short, (sound of screeching tires on road and comedic crashing into metal trash cans) and those surprisingly clever eyes glared at him introspectively. "Well... how do you normally stop it? You do applause and music and sometimes static... but this is weird. Even for you."

"Actually, something's missing." Vaggie confirmed, eye darting around the lanky form to find what wasn't there. It widens, at the same moment (an unseen audience sucks in a baited breath through their teeth) as it occurs to her. "Where's your staff? You're always playing with it. Did something happen to it when you faced Adam?"

Lucifer's expression was quite the face journey as he took that info in. Surprise, Schadenfraude, Concern, Delight, and then a eautral face that he seemed to assume conveyed royal aloofness. Alastor always assumed he looked like a-... how had Cherri phrased it? A 'muppet'?

"You faced Adam? Hah, no wonder your power's all messed up, the guy's a walking pillar of overconfident grace and heavenly power. So did he break your little talking stick, hmmm? That why your radio thing is going full ShockJock DJ?"

"None of those last sounds were words, little King." Alastor deflects.

"Hah, you self-righteous fuck, that's a yes then."

(Loud booing from several voices and the sound of what might be classed as a duck being shot out of a cannon)

"Fuck. You."

"Oh unclench, Allan. Tell you what, I'll fix that little staff of yours because you did sort of help a little in the whole fight there before you, what? Ran away when he broke your special toy? Hah, weak." Lucifer said, making a show of checking his nails, unaware of the fact his shadow had just been usurped until the moment he landed flat on his face.

(Banana slip noise followed by a clanging ring of a metal pipe striking the ground)

"HEY, STOP IT!" Charlie commands, her horns rising in a halo of hellfire. "BOTH OF YOU! I EXPECTED BETTER!"

"Charlotte-..."

"Char-Char, I-..."

"NO. Dad, if you can fix the staff and whatever is making his powers do... that, please do it. And Alastor, I know Overlords have a whole 'do it yourself at all costs' thing and trust is a hard earned commodity for you but, PLEASE just chill the fuck out and let us help with this."

"...as you wish, Charlotte."

"Anything for you kiddo... ugh. Why couldn't you have gotten attached to one of the other Overlords? Zestial's a riot when he gets going!" Lucifer complains, righting himself.

"Daaaaaaaaaad."

"Fine, fine. Okay deer, where's the microphone thing?"

(actual radio static that fills the air oppressively.)

With a stilted flicks of his hands, the two halves appear in either hand. Rent in half and pulsing an angry golden light.

"Oof, yeah, that's... that's Adam for you. Can't help but leave his presence all over the place... classic insecurity complex. Hmmm, don't you have a bunch of stuff all over the hotel, little fawn?"

"Bold claim from the man who keeps manifesting apple based decorations in every room... not to mention the ducks we seem to be drowning in, despite never having ordered any."

"Hey, back off the ducks, they're amazing and fun to craft." Lucifer mutters as he siphons off the angelic light about the break, carefully rejoining the halves in a wave of hellfire. The staff crackles to life, the eye opening and showing confused delight.

At once, the ambient pressure in the room eased immediately, with faint popping static clicking off. Alastor felt his shoulders unclench, as control was restored, spinning the microphone to reorient them both before desummoning it.

They were tethered together whether he held it or not, it merely had to exist to allow control.

"...many thanks, little majesty. I appreciate you taking time from your... busy schedule... to help out your subjects."

"You can try the phrase 'thank you' without catching fire, I promise."

"Perhaps at another time, then. Charlotte, I am going to retire to my rooms for now, the resonance of my broken staff has created quite the jarring headache."

"Oh, of course! I hope you feel better soon!"

"Hold up, you know I can heal that too with like, minimal touching, right?" Lucifer adds, he's aiming for a smug expression, but just for a second you can see the caring angel he once was. There's just the slightest tinge of concern there, and Alastor can imagine that this was what Lillith had meant when she spoke of the wide-eyed angel her husband had once been.

Ah, but the Queen was locked away from here, and the King was already far too close.

"I must decline, not a fan of the medium as it is, with few exceptions. Have a good evening all." He deferred, signature grin fixed in place as his remaining energy was trying to keep him upright as his head pounded. Not as much as other areas of his rigid torso, but... definitely somewhere on the spectrum.

Lucifer's face shuttered, closing off. "Fine, suffer then yoooooooou-... hold up, bambi, why can I still taste Adam's energy?" A forked tongue flickered out, right at the Overlord. Pale face crinkling in suspicion. "Oho, I think perhaps the staff wasn't the only thing Adam fucked over, huh?"

"Preposterous, your lowness, you're just getting confused in your old age. My staff was damaged for some time before the matter came to light, that's all."

"Uh-huh... so you wouldn't mind letting me fix that headache of yours with a little touch? Just to make sure everything's okay?"

"As I have clearly stated, I dislike being touched so kindly refrain from-..." He tenses as the King starts to move, and hurls himself into shadows.

"Nice try, but you know as well as I that all powers in Hell are derived from me in some fashion... so all it takes is a quick," Lucifer snaps his fingers with a flourish, suddenly solidifying Alastor against his will. Leaving the overlord looking startled and slightly distressed. "And wallah! One trapped deer, who really should know better by now."

Microphone feedback rent the air in a shrill warning as the nightmarish form began to elongate, eyes spinning into radio dials as the air filled with runes and distortion.

"Whoa, hold up there, you do NOT want to be doing that if what I think happened happened." Lucifer warns, rolling his eyes as the idiot did it anyway. "Char-Char? You might want to move Maggie out of the way , because this isn't going to last very long..."

As predicted, before the gargantuan horror can reach its ultimate form and pose a structural insecurity to the refurbished hotel, Alastor made a bellowing cry of mixed elk bugle and warping radio waves. Black blood dripped from between his massive teeth, tainted with streaks of golden ichor, faint traces of the infection running rampant through his veins.

His antlers grew oddly, not the impressive rack, but uneven and pulsing with green and golden light.

"Okay so, I don't like you and you don't like me, but sorry in advance if this fucks with your head." Lucifer calls, launching himself upward, wings framing him as he paused by the wavering overlord's head. Still, he wasn't going to deny that there was a HINT of catharsis in his actions as the King hurled a fistful of hellfire right into the glowing X of Alastor's deathmark.

Best place to destabilise a rogue Sinner. He'd learned that a while back thanks to Zestial, and a few of the older overlords who no longer afterlived, sadly.

Alastor's cry echoed to an earbleeding volume, as he was forced back into memories of his death, snapping the wavering control the Overlord held on the enlarged form. Leaving him crashing to the floor and shrinking rapidly, expression oddly vacant as his fingers and shoulders twtiched from time to time.

"Eesh, yeah, he's going to try and eat me when he snaps out of it."

"What did you DO, Dad?"

"Oh, yeah, never told you did I? Look, if you have to handle a rogue overlord, because the others haven't stopped them or they're all fucked up and beyond reason... aim for the deathmark with some hellfire. Snaps them back into memories of their passing, keeps them unable to hold onto their bigger form... worked that out centuries ago. Wouldn't go about using it too often though, you can heh, break them. Mentally. Even if it was an accident."

"...got it. Is he going to be okay...?"

"Welp, I think he was already fucked in the head when he got here, soooooo-..."

He sees the thunder on Charlie's face and backtracks.

"Who, whoa, whoa honey, he'll be fine. It looks like a standard shot through the head, they tend to be quick and most sinners that go that way die instantly. He'll zip back awake soon... but enough about that, let me see what this idiot was concealing from us all."

Lucifer jerks his hand back from Alastor's bare wrist like he' was 'd been burned. "Ooookay, so, good news and bad news. The good news is that from what I can feel it's nothing I can't fix; Adam really fucked him good."

"I-It's fucked him UP, Sir. Please. For my mental health, finish the sentence." Vaggie pleads.

"And the bad news?"

"I may have underestimated the cause of death here, and he's going to be very pissed off when he wakes up. So let's focus on the whole triage thing for now, I will need you to help pin down his arms when I heal it, and keep an eye on his teeth, okay?"

"Daaaaaaaaaad....?" Charlie broaches, kneeling to hold onto one of Alastor's arms, Vaggie mirroring her with minimal panic as they both glanced to the vacant expression Alastor wore.

With a flick of the wrist, the man's coat, vest and shirt pulled back to reveal shredded bandages. And a number of other rather violent looking scars scattered here and there.

Nestled between them all, running the length and breadth of his torso, a nasty glowing gash that caught the eye.

"Mmm-hmmm, yikes. I mean, if I didn't know he was also under Gluttony I'd expect he was all Pride..." Lucifer joked, coaxing more of Adam's grace out of the cut, tugging at the tendrils that seemed reluctant to leave the demonic flesh it was burning through at an alarming rate.

Charlie clears her throat.

"Alright, it's not THAT bad... I just didn't realise the bullet didn't kill him. Seems there's uh... well, there's a bit more to it. Wait, No, don't!"

Too late, Charlie's already pressing her hand to the nearest flesh and calling on a power she rarely uses to See. She too yanks away, shuddering.

"Babe, you okay?" Vaggie whispers.

"H-he was torn apart... by hunting dogs... oh Vaggie, it was awful. And then Hell made him a deer of all things..." Charlie's expression was worried, disgusted and sympathetic. "No wonder he doesn't want to talk about it in group..."

"I uh, don't think that's it completely, hun. He straight up thinks redemption is a joke, you know that." Vaggie reminds.

"Still...."

"Don't think too hard about it, duckling. His isn't even close to the worst death down here, I promise... but I know it's confronting to view something like that for the first time. So just breathe and keep holding on, because I think I almost have the essence out. Nearly done."

"I-... I just thought about how I never really checked in with our sinners or staff about their lives before, or like, how they died. But you can't just Ask, that would be triggering. Maybe we could try visualising trauma through scrapbooking...?"

"Er, sure, you can try it." Vaggie shrugs, uncertain how that would go down.

Lucifer is busy sealing the last of the wound shut. In the last moment, he recalled the original issue that sparked this and tapped a tired pale finger to the Sinner's temple. A burst of healing settled the persistent pounding there, and with a moment's more thought, slipped a muffling mental blanket over the difficult memories to help Alastor regain control of himself.

With the patience of an angel, Lucifer anticipated the violent surge upright and slammed the other back down. "Calm down, I fixed everything, you're welcome by the way. If you promise not to bite, I'll snap you to your room for a bit of rest and relaxation..."

The glare was pointed, and yet, slightedly unfocused. As if Alastor had no idea how to feel right now.

"...you have my thanks, though I did not recall asking for your help with this, little Majesty."

"Was that so hard? Anyway, let's get you to your room and out of my hair."

Before the Radio Demon could protest, Charlie picked him up in a bridal carry to the surprise of both Alastor and Vaggie (who had assumed she'd be savaged for the audacity) while Lucifer snapped a portal open.

"...is that a whole swamp?" Lucifer gaped. "And you mocked MY interior design!"

"It's a bayou, and I will continue to mock the circus aesthetic, we're running a hotel not a clown school!"

"Charlotte, I promise I'm capable of walking under my own power, do let me down." Alastor negotiated, as he was placed on the bed in a way that felt far too gentle and slightly beneath his dignity. "Ah... well, thank you Charlotte. Let us not make this a habit, however... if you could refrain from mentioning this snafu to anyone via telecommunications, I would appreciate it. Vox would have a field day if he'd seen such events transpire..."

"Just accept you got help and maybe you sort of deserved to not suffer and die... again... so next time you just ask for help instead of whatever the hell this was." Vaggie says, bluntly.

"...perhaps, Vagatha, but I strongly suspect that's not in my nature."

"Ugh, fine... you're welcome. If you so much as try to shadow your way out of the hotel today, I'll call His Majesty to come and pin you back to the bed." There's a pause as she thought through the wording. "Er... I mean, put you on time out. In your bed. So just fucking stay there and get cared for, idiot."

Lucifer winked at Alastor, sticking his tongue out as he threw some very sarcastic finger guns at the Overlord. "You bet your fluffy little tail I'll come drag you back to bed until you're properly recovered, because I put a lot of effort into fixing that mess and I'm not doing that again anytime soon. Adam's grace tastes like angry bees drowning in caramel, and I hated every second of absorbing it. You're lucky our (by which I mean my) daughter likes you."

"Awwww, dad! Thanks for helping Alastor, today and Al... next time you're hurt, you'd better say something or I will kill you myself after we heal you!" Charlie grinned, a demonic growl backing up the words.

She picked Vaggie up over one shoulder and strode out.

"...well, Sire, I must say I believe she takes after you in regard to her temper, but I rather like to think she inherited my ability to make threats."

"Hah, nice try Al, but that girl is all Lillith on the inside, with a hint of me and maybe a smidge of your dumb ass because of all your manipulating. How's she doing, by the way? My wife?"

Alastor didn't even question how the King had discovered the owner of his collar. "I cannot say much, but she is well enough... trapped in a complicated situation above. She does not want or need you to interfere, it would be... dangerous for Charlie if you did."

Lucifer clenched his fists and exhaled. "Understood. And you?"

"Sent to keep the alleged antichrist alive and well, despite Heaven's wishes. Even if it meant braving hug therapy and glitter based arts and crafts."

The King can't help but let out a snort of laughter of that statement.

"Yeah, she's a handful... can you tell me anything else?"

"I-..." the stitches flare. "Apparently not."

"Okay. Just... if we're both here to protect Char-Char, I think we could manage to not try and verbally annihilate one another everytime we're in the same room, alright? Besides, it could be fun to see this TV guy you're fighting with lose his shit when he sees you hanging out with the King of Hell, right?"

He throws a sidelong glance at the sudden sadistic joy on Alastor's face. Heh, gottem.

"...as you wish, Sire. For Charlotte... and to fucking with Vox."

"Call me Lucifer, and you have a... actually, let's say Agreement... I know the D word gets you overlords all hot'n'bothered."

"Alright... Lucifer, it's an Agreement."

"Awesome, now take a fucking nap and we'll come wake you for dinner. Should be enough time for the healing to settle itself."

"...if I must."

"That's what I want to hear!"

Somewhere down the hall there was a sudden slam of a door reopening. "WAIT, WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT A TAIL?!"

An unexpectedly gleeful voice responded, "WHO HAS A TAIL?" as Angel Dust followed a rumpled looking Charlie through the door. He gasps, "SMILES?! SMILES HAS A TAIL?! Ooooh, show me, show me, SHOW ME!"

Alastor glared at the King venemously. "Sire, I do believe I'm about to breach our Agreement..."