cute.but.courageous

My blog has been inactive for some time now. I didn’t realise it still exists. I’ve decided to get back to blogging so I find myself here on this Saturday night with a heart full of hope.

Is it just me, or sometimes do we feel that we have so much to offer the world and other times just feel like a little fish in a big pond. I have to commit and recommit myself to writing all the time. I love to write. I feel like I have something to share. I think it’s possible we all do. Since all of us are here in this galaxy out of one thousand million galaxies. We can each look up at the stars, the same stars, yet we are all so different and no two people see the world exactly the same way.

What I want to talk about today is motivation. I’ve come to this realization that motivation is something that cannot be found externally. This has been my problem for a long time now. I’m a sensitive person so I tend to internalize what other people say to me. Whereas the truth of the matter is I am my unique self and what makes me tick is inherently my own.

I’ve been bogged down by life, in a pit of worry and self-doubt and somewhere along the way I forgot who I am. I identified with the negative attributes I feel and lost a lot of my hope for the future or sense of purpose. Why not take a check list of who I really am today. I think I’d enjoy that.

I am kind, I am funny, I am loving, I am creative and I love the thought of living for a greater purpose or at least having some noteworthy aspirations. It’s so easy to get caught in the ebb and flow of life and just become another cog in the system. Social media rules and the millennial generation is losing face to face meaningful contact. It’s so sad.

I have had to face this sad reality day in and day out. What comes to mind for me though, is the extremely spiritual nature of human beings. I even find the word human being to be limited. I think every person has the potential to shine like thousands of stars make up every cell. Every person has the potential to capture and love someone like the colours of an African sunset. There is so much more to this life than what society tells us to aspire to.

Sure material things are great to have, money is a good slave but a terrible master. I for one, want to fall in love with the divinity of my being and see myself in others, to love them as if they were myself. I want to be myself wholeheartedly and not fear judgement from the world. I want to live because I have been sheltered in a box for far too long now. I don’t need someone to dictate to me what a happy life should look like. I want to feel my own happiness like rain in a drought. I want to dance like a child. I want to love like love itself is not bound by the constraints of this earthly existence. I want eternal joy, fulfillment and happiness. What they call abundance nowadays.

"my kitten is a cat

".... just typed a great blog then had to check if acknowledeably is a word, which it is I might add. Anyway that rerouted me and I lost it, technology has never been a great friend of mine. So my kitten is a cat in a months time, thats all I have the energy to retype now. 

I am currently delving into my psychological counselling course, with full force. Writing has also been keeping me busy. On top of that I have just finished two other courses, the Access Consciousness Bars and the Magic of Colour course. Which now makes me a colour therapist with another healing modality. This year has been extremely interesting so far. While my writing is still flawed I am opening up to writing what I think will actually be a beautiful book. 

So far the year has been mildly captivating. I find myself being scrambled up to do everything that needs to be done. Something striking is how much I have gained this year in trying to harness my spirituality. I have always been a very spiritual person, lately I have had to admit that sleeping on end cannot constitute spirituality. 

So far I have gotten here, to where I want to share everything with you. This will be the year for expanding my studies. I am finally five years later resolute about what I want to do in life. That is, writing, helping people and making it on my own. The way I went about becoming so resolute is by letting it all find me. This year I will be doing a writing course, studying Psychological Counselling which I will extend a bit to make time for a job working in real estate. That will be where I can start generating an income to start my own life.

I feel like these are break view points of focus that will settle me down nicely. I am looking for good reads this year although I am quite happy reading the Quran until such time that something glorious dawns on me.

The abstract picture of clarity

You take my breath away

You give me in to the night and strip me of my dignity

You are a stealthy creature, beckoning towards me

You are my eternity

...today, tomorrow, forever.

It is a grave day that awakes us from our slumber,

We are beneath our quits resting.

That tomorrow should guide us

The path is winding

It is cruel and kept

We are the disease of our desires

We are keepers of our own faith

Give me your wish, your constellation

Seize my soul

Take me somewhere I have never been before.

I once wrote this equation that surmounted to love and oneness in the universe. It defied logic, one day I will share it with you. Within the question there was something egotistical. I perceived outcomes, then compared it with the probability which was probably a question itself. I really took my time on this equation and the working was pages long but it was merely a superfluous suggestion that tempted my mind. I have always enjoyed working with mathematics and numbers simply due to the logic it provides my mind. The basic question was at a heart level and perhaps how we resonate with each other on that level. The questions we meet in facing meeting new people. We are truly mirror images of each other.

So I wrote this question to define that impact and put it to a feasible use and construction. What insubordinate reality would we be able to find this acclaim. It was within our realm and I myself could taste it on the horizon. This all brings me back to a point where I recollect that we are great.

My own life has been wildly interesting based on my experiences with my questions in reality. Where a lifetime manifested before me following my move back to my mothers house. It was a time where the strangest things happened and it seemed that selectively everyone had bowed before a God in some form or the other. There was eloquent greatness that brimmed up within us. We were cognitively balancing to get focused. That way we made less mistakes. We all sensed a higher purpose for ourselves and that purpose was just defined by those you surrounded yourself with. The question of war on the Ludacris lunacy stemmed within us in boldness.

There was a thirst within me that I balanced with a conquering. It hastened to the arrival of something amazing. It was trivial really. Reality skipped past us like flashing lights that we were following into darkness. We were blind as we gazed on, the captives of an experiment that projected a symphony of gazers to appear on all sides of us. Those were loud days where everything echoed in the mist. You yourself echoed there with me in my memory as we played delightful games with what we were given.

Some of the greatest of times were the hardest of times as we toiled and struggled towards an uphill that was staggering to suggestion. That very uphill was one we appeared to be climbing in many likenesses.

As for where it stands with conversation it is so deep inside the walls of the soul that it is a journey beyond direction. It is blindness. With blindness we each walk around freely no longer gazing at the horizon. We are pulled up to deliver a message. That message would be delivered through the action that we had conquered. We were merely the souls that happened to gaze again, there was splendour in these softened gazes at the sun. It was vastly pleasurable to escape into that existence where it felt as if my every movement impacted deeply on everything else that existed.

As this year has started I have gotten down to the ins of writing a book. I have been greatly inspired by my aunt who will help me through the technical process of getting published. She also offered me some tips on writing and I received other great feedback. I think that this book will be monumental and I am expecting it in three months time. Not only that, I also appear to be gaining a different perspective on things from some of the healing work that I have been doing. I got hold of these divine meditations that take you on journeys. I also started doing EFT tapping and find that it really does uplift my spirit and connect me to my power centres. I exerted confidence. I asked and the universe provided. Everything appeared to be in synchronicity. It was a great day and I feel great.

I also realised today that it is time to start taking my health into my own hands. With that comes my well being. So far I am feeling excited about this year and the opportunities it can bring. I foresee a delightful picturesque future where everything will be just dandy. I hear the music coming into my windows today and it seems like what I have offered is finally coming back to me. I see the task of my spirit awakening to new heights and the valleys I have been through in order to let it soar.

Today I saw what looked like an eagle flying in the horizon and other busy birds making their statement into the day. Taking the final count if you will. We are all very blessed to be living. We are providing society with character that is necessary for evolution. The most powerful principle I have come across lately is simply oneness in all of creation. I feel like I could speak for days on oneness. It is so abstract when we actually take to likening things to one an other. This may lead to feelings of elation as we realise we are in ourselves every form. The human body is splendid and recounts information such that we are always seekers. I think that this is the core of religion. To remain insightful, questioning and objectionable to rationalisations. We can begin to find for ourselves a truth to fit our mantel. We are given many splendid gifts. What I have personally found is that I think out loud to myself and this gives me bounce. I try not to stagnate incoming information so that it flows and I can establish a clear picture of things.

It has come to the time of year where we get to sum up the years events and find out where it is that we are going in the next year. For me the first thing that comes to mind as a South African is Jacob Zuma's mansion and Julius Malema's rants. So I have to think that I grateful to be a South African for the amount of humour that can be created by our government.

Personally I have spent a great deal of this year having ups and downs that were very severe and made me reflect a lot. Quiet reflection, still reflection that has me volumes that quantify in thin air richer from my overall writings. I am still toying with the idea of a novel or a screenplay as a metaphor for my life's expressions.

On the 5th of December 2013 I heard of the tragic loss of one of the greatest leaders that has ever lived, Madiba. What a sad day followed where great tribute was paid to Madiba on the television, news and radio. 

Personally I had the privilege of meeting him a couple of times, him being a friend of my dads. Once at our home where he joined us for lunch and once at his home where we went for a visit.

He was such a power house during the struggle and he has been a personal inspiration for me in terms of strength, hope and courage as well as developing the youth and showing me that every individual has capability beyond their wildest dreams.

For me it was very sad hearing that Tata passed away, I really didn't feel like being alone and I also heard on the radio that this was a common feeling. There was a sadness in the air on the 6th with a glimmering hope as people rejoiced the life that had just passed. However there are some fears facing the nation at the passing. Some say that a night of long lives or Uhuru will pass where there will be massacre, I myself don't feel that this will or more so should pass because now more than ever the world calls for peace.

The way that Madiba should be remembered is by everyone taking themselves to task and while rejoicing, trying to commemorate his being by encapsulating a piece of him within us on a spirit level. He was a joyous soul.

Today I am grateful for knowing such a great man and having had him personally impact my life. For today I have some apprehension of the future, which I think is okay to voice. It is reassuring to know that we really can take one say at a time. That the future is this exciting place that we are lucky to receive. I hand over the will of my life to the care of God, knowing that He best expresses my wishes.

Personally I can not wait for the approaching festive season, I look forward to a long meditative spell on the beach in Durban. I will be spending it with my dad. It would be so fantastic to spend some time with him and make up for the rest of the year that I am with my mum. 

I met my first love in Durban by the beach side and I am crippled to think that I seem to find love by the sea side. This holiday I plan to spend primarily by my self though. 

Already a chilly cheer seems to be in the air and I am inclined to ask myself, what is important? What have I gained from this year and what lessons does it hold for next year. The world as I see it is in a desperate need for young leaders, achievers and activists. It is also tremendously calling for the planet to be upheld and all that goes with green thinking and living. What are your new years resolutions if any?

I personally do not believe in resolutions, if you want to stop something you should just make that decision and stop it right there. Something that I do need to work on in the new year however is figuring out how to be functional... My quest in life at the moment. I really look forward to 2014 and I hope that those of you spending this festive season with loved ones or a loved one truly make the most of those little moments that you will remember forever. Some of the greatest memories I have happened over the festive period and I am hoping for many more albeit I plan this years festivities to involve a lot more internal reflection on my account. I encourage you to do the same.

I have a lot of curiosity when it comes to faith, what does it mean, what does it stand for, I was really disappointed to read the dictionary definition of faith, it sounds quite face value but I guess that is what a dictionary provides. 

Anyway, I have been thinking a lot about faith lately especially when yesterday there was a great discussion about spiritual principles which turned to the inability to accept such things and welcome them openly into our lives when we are faced with character defects. Faith is laid out plainly, only by having and accepting faith can we really conquer anything, it is once we allow it into our lives that there is a sense of give and take. To elaborate, it is having the faith in someone, something or a power greater than ourselves or God if you like provides for you and gives you something to live for that you want to give back.

Maybe this whole topic has flown over my head and faith has no relevance however it struck me towards the end of the discussion that all in all, with the problems that everyone spoke about, faith is the stepping stone to get us across all of these hurdles and believe in ourselves. It is like when I was younger and I saw shoplifting for the first time, I get a sense of loss looking back on this. There was something empty in the life and eyes of those that would simply take

For me it is about something much deeper than this and that thing is faith, I look to the sky and hear rumbles in the wind sometimes that leave me begging for solutions, the answer to all my questions. I deeply long to have an audience with God where I would ask for the definition of all my struggles that eat away at my heart and mind. Why do I have so little will power? How do I lose the fear I have to study again? Will I find true love ever in my life or is that punishment for my sins? The ridiculous things I would ask. Tonight I get to bed knowing that my resolve is far greater than it was a week ago and that my ambition thrives on the little order that I am trying to incorporate into my life.

As usual I add my thought for today, we are all made of love and it comes naturally to us yet it is also what we fight while we are possessed by the smaller things and we forget the power of our words, they either harm or they heal. .What I do know is that if I ever have children, which hopefully I will, I never want to be the one who has to scold them although I am learning even by having a cat that sometimes I lose my patience and I have to enforce some discipline, I wish I could always be cheerful and fun-loving not letting anything get me down, I have met people like that and it isn't impossible. Today I ask God to help me overcome some of my defects of character, acknowledging that I am not perfect and by hoping that through sharing and reflection I can envision a more pleasant tomorrow, filled with love, abundance, happiness cheer and laughter. Love & light

sI have a lot of curiosity when it comes to faith, what does it mean, what does it stand for, I was really disappointed to read the dictionary definition of faith, it sounds quite face value but I guess that is what a dictionary provides. 

Anyway, I have been thinking a lot about faith lately especially when yesterday there was a great discussion about spiritual principles which turned to the inability to accept such things and welcome them openly into our lives when we are faced with character defects. Faith is laid out plainly, only by having and accepting faith can we really conquer anything, it is once we allow it into our lives that there is a sense of give and take. To elaborate, it is having the faith in someone, something or a power greater than ourselves or God if you like provides for you and gives you something to live for that you want to give back.

Maybe this whole topic has flown over my head and faith has no relevance however it struck me towards the end of the discussion that all in all, with the problems that everyone spoke about, faith is the stepping stone to get us across all of these hurdles and believe in ourselves. It is like when I was younger and I saw shoplifting for the first time, I get a sense of loss looking back on this. There was something empty in the life and eyes of those that would simply take

For me it is about something much deeper than this and that thing is faith, I look to the sky and hear rumbles in the wind sometimes that leave me begging for solutions, the answer to all my questions. I deeply long to have an audience with God where I would ask for the definition of all my struggles that eat away at my heart and mind. Why do I have so little will power? How do I lose the fear I have to study again? Will I find true love ever in my life or is that punishment for my sins? The ridiculous things I would ask. Tonight I get to bed knowing that my resolve is far greater than it was a week ago and that my ambition thrives on the little order that I am trying to incorporate into my life.

As usual I add my thought for today, we are all made of love and it comes naturally to us yet it is also what we fight while we are possessed by the smaller things and we forget the power of our words, they either harm or they heal. .What I do know is that if I ever have children, which hopefully I will, I never want to be the one who has to scold them although I am learning even by having a cat that sometimes I lose my patience and I have to enforce some discipline, I wish I could always be cheerful and fun-loving not letting anything get me down, I have met people like that and it isn't impossible. Today I ask God to help me overcome some of my defects of character, acknowledging that I am not perfect and by hoping that through sharing and reflection I can envision a more pleasant tomorrow, filled with love, abundance, happiness cheer and laughter. Love & light