Cute Animals. Bad Dates.

It's been a great couple of years making fun of bad online dating profiles, everyone, but it's time to call it a day. So long, and thanks for all the snark. 

That's my dealbreaker too, dude. Isn't it everyone's?

Also relevant. I wonder what an alot of angry feminists would look like?

It's an indication of how far my standards have fallen that I'm just impressed he didn't spell it "Satin."

Next!

Right, so either you're into domination, or you were knighted by the Queen of England. In which case, you should really take another look at the rules of capitalization. 

Ok, I will enlighten you. When you say "None of the women on here can be honest with themselves or anyone else," and complain about being ignored because you are a "good man," that is not "speaking honestly." That's being a dick.

Not sure what is more alarming: the actual fedora, or the self-consciously precious use of "'tis." 

Oh, is THAT what swimming teachers do?

Thanks for your kind offer. I respectfully decline. 

I just did a quick archives search and learned that apparently I think toads, frogs, and turtles are inherently misogynist MRA douchebags. Sorry for stereotyping you, little green guys. 

Dudes who judge women on their percentage of essential and storage body fat are dicks. Can't even joke about it. 

Such selflessness. 

This is one of those cases where you really can't claim irony to get out of being racist. Sorry. 

Nothing wrong with working out. Everything wrong with talking about bicep curls in your online dating profile. Sorry, kitty.