If you want to share your answers, paste the quiz into a NEW status update and tag me.
1. Have you ever shaken the hand of a President of the USA?
- Yes, and I'm not saying who it was, but I washed up immediately afterwards.
2. Have you ever stolen more than $20 in cash, at one time?
- I once stole $25 in cash, but it took me three years, so no.
3. Have you ever done drugs with a famous musician?
- Does nasal spray count?
4. Did you also have sex with said famous musician?
- Not after I got a good whiff.
5. Have you ever intentionally given the wrong directions to someone?
- Yes. Sorry, that was a lie.
6. Have you committed murder in one of your dreams?
- In my dreams? No.
7. Do you own any vinyl records?
- Hundreds.
8. Do you still listen to them?
- They're in the garage, possibly fused into one enormous blob of black plastic. So, no.
9. Have you ever pretended to be someone else, (fake name, job, education)?
- I'm doing it right now! My real name is Ted Fleming of Sarasota, FL.
10. Do you dream in color?
- Yes, but it's crappy 8-bit color.
12. Have you ever sung in front of an audience solo?
- Most of my audiences have been solo. I'm not popular.
13. Have you ever eaten more than one Big Mac, in one sitting?
- No, but I know what I'm doing as soon as I finish typing this.
14. Have you taken a nude selfie and sent it to someone?
- Yes, but only because I felt obligated after mom sent hers.
15. Have you ever seen the aurora with your own eyes?
- Yes, and I've test driven one! We are talking about that new Kia model, right?
16. Can you curse in a language other than English?
- Still working on English.
17. Can you keep a secret?
- Yes. No. Yes. Did I already mention the $25?
18. Have you ever been a witness in a trial?
- Nope. THANK YOU, FIFTH AMENDMENT!
19. Your favorite cookie?
- The one that remembers my YouTube login.
20. On Facebook, crushes or exes?
- They're all either one or the other.
21. Ever tried Pop Rocks and lived?
- Yes and no.
22. Coke or Pepsi?
- No Coke, Pepsi! Hahaha. God, I'm old.
23. Have you ever had sex in a public space, e.g. movie theater, stadium, public park?
- Does it count if I was in the movie?
24. Have you ever had sex at work during work hours?
- Those student loans aren't going to pay themselves off.
25. Most $ you have ever spent for a SINGLE piece of clothing? (No suits, handbags jewelry)
- I once paid $5,000 for a pair of George Raft's pants at an auction.
26. Most overrated food?
- I was once given a highly touted burger served on a bun made of fiberglass insulation. It just wasn't that good. And now that I think about it, that might have been a prank.
27. Last book you read?
- George Raft Estate Auction Catalog
28. iPhone or Android?
- You can have my Treo when you can pry it from my cold, dead hands.
29. Have you ever purchased a porn film?
- Paid a pretty penny for a negative, I tell you what.
30. Dream trip you have not yet taken?
- Um, Sarasota! Because I'VE NEVER BEEN THERE.
31. Most embarrassing album or CD you still listen to?
- I can't believe I'm still listening to that Frank Ocean album from last summer.
32. Rickles or Dangerfield?
- Is this one of those Fuck/Marry/Kill things? Then Rickles for all three.
33. Next celebrity to die?
- Elvis. Don't act so shocked.
34. Favorite physical feature of your own?
- Well, I don't really like to brag, but you should see how my ass looks in George Raft's pants.
35. Pick one: Cameras, guns, guitars, surfboards
- Fuck guns, marry guitars, kill surfboards.
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