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t shirt that just says WHATEVER YOU’RE READING INTO MY FACIAL EXPRESSIONS AND BODY LANGUAGE YOU’RE MISINTERPRETING

was at a bar and a 50+ year old drunk white woman complimented me and my friend's outfits, told us there was a campsite up in northern maryland where a lot of gay bears go to have sex in the woods. we asked her how she knew about this and she very aggressively said "because i'm a FAG HAG!!! but i'm not allowed to say that anymore I GUESS!!!"

all my haters become cicaders when i enter the summer of success

Ever since i started wearing sunscreen i have been able to control energy fields But it only works when im on the train and i have to stay perfectly still

the phrase really should be "eat your cake and have it too" im with the unabomber on this one

Americans really really need to be less paranoid and more capable of tolerating minor discomfort in public. Not everyone is a pervert/rapist/strangler/fiend. In fact, very few people are. Treating every violation of normal order as though it is a threat is why people are getting shot for turning around in a stranger's driveway. This happens within the frameworks of basically every ideology present in American culture. It is an American illness. If your vision of the world doesn't have room for saying "I'm sure it's nothing" then you really gotta work some shit out.

i was the new york film person at a bachelorette weekend full of occupational therapists in south carolina. these women have schedules and futures and health insurance and i was like an exotic helpless animal to them. we had a good time. who is “tate mcrae”

it really was funny to chat with a dear old friend about our lives and share a mutual, silent recognition that if either of us spent a single day in each others shoes we would immediately kill ourselves