Cunning Linguist

Here's a little info about me, for those who are curious…

I'm a somewhat sarcastic straight cis sapiosexual (that's a lot of alliteration!). During my working years, I was a post-graduate educator and military officer. A few years ago, I retired from full-time work and now spend my time traveling, freelancing, and volunteering with causes I support.

Kink-wise, I consider myself a “gentle dom” or “daddy dom.” Women that fully embrace their inner “little/middle” side arouse both my protective instincts and a desire to corrupt their innocence, if that makes sense. I've primarily had interracial relationships IRL, so that's my preference, but I’m not into raceplay… please don't ask me to be your bull, cuckold your significant other, or breed you. Also, none of my NSFW likes are “must-haves,” they're simply things I enjoy from time to time.

I think all women can be sexy and that confidence is nature's #1 aphrodisiac. Yes, physical attraction matters, but women who excite my mind also excite my body! Height isn't a big deal to me — I've dated women as short as 4'11"/149 cm and as tall as 5'11"/180 cm. Having said that, I'm particularly drawn to women who enjoy endurance sports (and really, isn't good sex the ultimate endurance sport?).

NSFW Likes (all as Dom): Erotic roleplay, CG/l power dynamics (DD/lg, teacher+student, or similar), large age gaps, girls with daddy issues and praise kinks, interracial, size differences, cunnilingus (giving), anal play, humiliation & corruption, collar & leash, inspections/weigh-ins, shaving partner’s genitals, wardrobe control/dollification, forced nudity, diet control, omorashi/bathroom control, exhibitionism/voyeurism, public play, edging/orgasm denial/forced orgasm, dubcon/CNC (esp. intox play, somnophilia, & hypnosis), discipline/reinforcement, spanking/impact play, light bondage, and, of course, bi/bi-curious girls

NSFW Limits: Racism/racial slurs, scat, vomit, blood, gore, sounding, heavy bondage, intense pain, furries, bestiality, necrophilia

SFW Likes: Reading, hiking/backpacking, cycling, triathlon, running, 1980s-early 2000s movies, music & pop culture, flying, international travel (5/7 continents, 29 countries and counting), Formula One, volleyball, classical music, Star Wars, Lego, anime (SDF Macross, Gatchaman, Miyazaki), manga (Love Hina, Ikki Tousen, Negima!)

My Physical Description: 6'4"/193 cm, 216 lbs/98 kg, athletic build, skin like milk chocolate, black hair (close-cropped or completely shaved), brown eyes, clean-shaven (but my beard comes in salt-and-pepper if I let it go for a few days), baritone voice

Time Zone: GMT-5

Final Thoughts: I'm a proud cishet ally, so homophobes, transphobes, or anyone with anti-LGBTQIA+ bias can keep moving past this blog. Same with members of the MAGA cult. Life is too short, and sex is too important, for incompatible interactions.

I was 17, though I’d been fantasizing about eating pussy for a few years before that… My HS girlfriend and I wanted to take things to the next level, but she was also a good Mormon girl. Because of that, vaginal intercourse was off the table, but she wanted to try everything except vaginal sex so she could preserve her virginity.

One Saturday night, we went to the beach after a movie. Being hormonal teenagers, we ended up finding cover behind a lifeguard tower, out of view from passers-by. Things progressed quickly, and almost before I knew it her skirt was hiked up around her waist, her panties were in my pocket, and her pussy was on full display!

She had a neatly trimmed strawberry blonde bush, and I eagerly positioned myself between her thighs. I’d been renting porn VHS tapes from an unscrupulous rental store for a couple of years and had been looking at “adult magazines” for a few years longer than that, but I’d never seen a pussy up close in real-life before. Still, watching guys go down on Traci Lords had tonight me what to do, so I quickly got down to business.

I was addicted after that night, and I’d go down on her whenever the opportunity presented itself. We did other stuff too… after all, she wanted to try “everything but” vaginal sex, so we did “everything butt”. We broke up after my first semester in college, but my love for cunnilingus never wavered.

38 years later, I still love pussy. I love the taste. I love the sweet, heavenly, musky, intoxicating smell. I love the feeling of my tongue sliding across her slick folds. I love taking her clit between my lips, feeling it swell as I flick my tongue across it over and over. I love feeling her pussy contract around my fingers as I caress and massage her G-spot. I love the way her juices spill out and coat my lips, cheeks, and chin. I’m always in the mood for her to lie back so I can bury my face between her thighs until her eyes roll back, her legs are shuddering uncontrollably, and she loses the ability to form words. Eating pussy is as necessary for me as oxygen!

She’s sitting next to me on the couch, home from work and ready to tell me all about her day. But when she turns toward me, she looks sad, exhausted, and overwhelmed, a pained expression on her face.

“My brain is full. Like, I can’t stop all the thoughts. There’s always something to worry about, there are so many decisions, and I don’t think I’m going to be able to sleep. I worry about my sister, who’s in an abusive relationship with a controlling narcissist. I worry about my dad, who won’t go see the doctor even though he has all sorts of weird symptoms. I worry about finding a better-paying job in this soul-crushing economy. I worry about the crazy world we live in and whether we’ll be able to recover from all the damage that’s been done since 2025. I worry about what to eat, what to wear, whether or not I even have clean clothes to wear, what to —“

She stops suddenly, eyes brimming with tears. “It’s exhausting. Sometimes, I just wish…”

“Sometimes you wish you could be a little girl again?” I pull her close, and she buries her head in my shoulder, beginning to cry as she nods. Stroking the back of her head and her long, lustrous hair, I continue.

“You’re such a wonderful person, you have such a big heart, and you care so much. But caring so hard IS draining, and you need a way to let go and not be responsible for so much, a way to release all those worries and just enjoy being in the moment, like when you were young. Like when you were a little girl.”

She lifts her head to look at me, a wistful expression on her face.

“That sounds EXACTLY like what I want. I wish there was a way to make it happen.”

“I can help you. We can do it together, but it’ll require some changes in our relationship.”

“Like what?” She’s curious now, the tears drying. Pulling her onto my lap, I kiss her forehead tenderly.

“Well, for starters, once you’re here with me, in this house, you don’t get to make the decisions. I will. I’ll be the Daddy, and you’ll be my Little Girl. You can tell me what you want, but Daddy’ll make the decisions and decide what’s actually going to happen. You’ll give up all of your adult responsibilities, and I’ll be responsible for you: Your health, your happiness, your safety.”

I can tell she’s still confused, so I continue.

“Daddy,” I point at myself, “will make the rules and will make sure that all the adult stuff — rent, bills, grocery shopping, cooking — happens. When we’re here at home, I’ll let you know when you’re allowed — and required — to do your grown-up tasks, and when you’re supposed to relax and just have fun. I’ll make the rules, and by following the rules you’ll be able to let go and really live in the moment.”

While I’m speaking, I start gently bouncing my leg, which in turn bounces her on my lap.

“That sounds nice.” She smiles. It’s not a broad, carefree smile yet, but it’s a smile nonetheless.

“It will be. But it won’t be easy.” I brush a stray hair away from her face, then continue. “You’ve spent a lifetime learning to be an adult and trying to control things. You’ll need to unlearn some of those habits and re-learn how to be a Little Girl again. To get what you want, you’ll have to give up control, and I already know that’s going to be difficult and scary for you.”

“You’re going to act out. You’re going to break rules. You’re going to try and assert control, even though giving up control is the key to your happiness. And just like when you were young, there will be consequences when you break the rules. I’ll need to punish you when you misbehave. Daddy,” I point at myself again, “will punish his Little Girl when she’s being unruly or defiant.”

“Punish me? How?” She’s still curious, but wary now.

“There are many different ways to punish a naughty Little Girl. Time-outs, writing lines, no TV or video games, limited computer, TV, or video game time, extra chores, early bedtime, being embarrassed by Daddy — in private or in public, depending on the circumstance. And, of course…” I let the unfinished sentence hang in the air, waiting for the question she surely will ask.

“Of course what?”

“Did you ever get a spanking when you were little?”

Her eyes widen and she nods. “You would spank me?”

“Daddy will spank you if you misbehave, yes.” I can see the concern and fear in her eyes.

“Did your parents spank you because they disliked you and wanted to hurt you, or did they spank you to correct your behavior… to let you know — right away — that what you were doing was unacceptable and needed to stop immediately?”

“The second one.” Her voice is small now, and even though it’s the same woman sitting on my lap, she suddenly seems younger somehow. I stroke her cheek tenderly, gazing into her captivating green eyes as she listens to my explanation. When I finish, she scrunches up her face distastefully. “I guess it makes sense. I didn’t like spankings.”

“I would only spank you if you needed a spanking, Little Girl: If you broke a very important rule, were being extremely disobedient or rude, or otherwise needed a physical reminder that I’m the Daddy and you’re the Little Girl. Does that make sense?”

She looks into my eyes and nods soberly, mouth pursing slightly.

“I’d also spank my Little Girl if she asked me to.” I say this almost offhandedly, and I hear her inhale in shock. I already know the question she’s going to ask.

“Why on earth would I ask you to spank me?”

“I’ll answer your question with a question… Have you ever had a good cry and felt better afterward?”

Another nod. I shrug my shoulders and smile, as if to say, That’s why. Then, I boop her nose playfully, and she giggles with a genuine grin.

“There will also be rewards for my Little Girl’s good behavior,” I offer with a sly smile, waggling my eyebrows.

Her giggle turns into a full-throated laugh, the most beautiful sound in the world to me. Well, almost the most beautiful. Her laughter pulls at my heartstrings, but her moans pull at something else, something more primal.

“What kind of rewards?” she asks coyly, eyelashes batting. She’s flirting now, so focused on this conversation that she’s already released some of her worries, and I like it.

“Oh, I’m sure Daddy can think of something,” I tease, my hand sliding down to cup and squeeze her deliciously inviting bottom. “Daddy has all kind of ways to make his Little Girl happy.”

She sighs contentedly and wraps her arms around my neck as we kiss, tongues swirling together, massaging. She’s soft and warm and wet, and she’s all mine. My hands knead her ass, and our kiss continues, hard and urgent.

When we finally come up for air, we look at each other again. She looks happier, less burdened, and there’s a lightness to her expression that I haven’t seen for a while.

“I think I want to be a Little Girl,” she coos, her captivating eyes making me think very impure thoughts. “And I want you to be my Daddy.”

A flood of emotion hits me: Pride, responsibility, relief, and passion. I give her another deep kiss, then scoop her into my arms and stand.

Unfortunately, I can’t take credit for this post, but I love it and am going to do what everyone should in this situation: Give credit where credit is due. This prompt was written by the lovely u/cuckooforcockopuffs about 7 years ago. I came across it recently and, like most of her work, was instantly intrigued. I’ve penned a response, which is listed below her prompt. Hope you enjoy ________________________________________

Order your brand-new SlutTech (TM) Sex Robot today!

by u/cockooforcockopuffs, posted to r/dirtypenpals (circa 2019)

So, last night I got drunk with some friends and someone (definitely not me) suggested that we look up one of those high-end sex doll websites. Once there, everyone kept talking about how gross they were (that is, until we found the male sex dolls), but secretly, I was a little aroused. The thought of every part of my body being enumerated and chosen like an old mail-order catalog just thrilled me beyond belief. I haven't been able to get it out of my head since, so... here we are.

If you're interested, fill out the form below and PM me the results. If you want to role-play, the "Comments" box is ideal to give me a sense of your character and why he's choosing to buy a sex robot. If this gets crowded, I can't promise I'll get to play with everyone, but I'm happy to at least chat. Ladies, you're also welcome to chat. Regardless, I hope everyone enjoys filling out the form, because honestly the thought of filling in preference bubbles got me wetter than a frog in a bathtub.

...Does that make me weird?

1. Choose a skin tone:

Porcelain pale

Lavish light

Obsessive olive

Appealing almond

Mesmerizing mocha

Chase-worthy chocolate

2. Choose a natural hair color:

Platinum blonde

Basic blonde

Dirty blonde

Strawberry blonde

Raven black

Dark brunette

Light brunette

Hazel

Auburn

Bright orange

Silver

Or, choose an dyed hair color. If so, please also specify a natural hair color option from the list above, for roots:

Deep crimson

Buoyant blue

Neon green

Nymph (forest) green

Passionate purple

Playful pink

Snowfall white

3a. Choose a hair aspect:

Straight

Wavy

Curly

3b. Choose a hair length:

Bald

Pixie cut (ear-length)

Bob (chin-length)

Neck-length

Shoulder-length

Collar-length

Breast-length

Waist-length

Other (please provide 1-3 reference images)

4. Eye color:

Brown

Amber

Hazel

Green

Fog

Grey

Blue

Other: provide RGB code

5. Tits size:

AA

A

B

C

D

DD

6. Tits style:

True natural

Augmented (not available on AA-B)

Bolted-on (D or DD only)

Natural perky

Natural saggy (not available on AA-A)

Natural torpedo (not available on AA)

7. Nipples style:

Small perky

Average

Permanently erect

Large areola

Puffy areola

Ghost

Barbie (none)

8. Lactation:

On

Off

Adjustable

9. Ass style:

Flat

Natural

Large natural

Bubble butt

10. Anal tightness:

Loose

Accommodating

Expandable when relaxed

Tight and painful

Always excruciatingly painful

11. Vaginal self-lubrication:

Desert

Low

Medium

High

Waterfall

12. Vaginal tightness:

Soft’n’loose

Average

Perfect fit

Tight

Extra-tight

There’s a hole there?

13. Labia style:

Invisible

Average

Meat curtains

14. Pubic hair style:

Hairless

Razor burn

Landing strip

Heart

Arrow

Text (please specify - max 8 characters, i.e. “Fuck Toy”)

Trimmed

Bush

Jungle bush

15. Mouth/lips style:

Thin

Average

Plump

DSLs

16. Lipstick color:

None

Invisible gloss

Deep crimson

Bright red

Coral

Black

Navy blue

Dark purple

Magenta

Fuchsia

Bright pink

Bubblegum pink

Optional: add glitter to any of the above options

17. Simulated age (affects wrinkles, facial structure, skin mottling, and some brain chip functionality). Robot will not advance beyond this age:

Barely legal: ~18-19

Co-ed: ~20-21

Young adult: ~22-24

Young adult II: ~25-27

Late twenties: ~28-30

Early thirties: ~31-35

Young MILF: ~35-40

MILF: ~40-50

18. Self-awareness:

She thinks she’s human

She knows she’s a robot

She lacks self-awareness, and behaves like an animal

19. Obedience level:

Always eager and desperate to please

Always obedient, but only eager sometimes

Always obedient, but neutral investment

Always obedient, but always begrudging

Sometimes begrudgingly obedient, sometimes actively defiant

Always actively defiant

Always defiant, and will flee at any opportunity

20. Libido:

Irrepressibly horny 24/7

Desires two orgasms per day

Desires one orgasm per day

Desires one orgasm per two days

Desires one orgasm per week

Desires one orgasm per month

Desires one orgasm per year

True frigidity

21. Orgasm style - choose one standard option. You may additionally choose one alternate option:

Cannot ever orgasm naturally

Extremely rare

Real-life average equivalent

Easy to please

Alternate: triggered on vaginal contact with semen

Alternate: triggered on anal contact with semen

Alternate: triggered on oral contact with semen

Alternate: triggered on skin contact with semen

Alternate: any combination of 2-4 of the above 4 options

Alternate: triggered on voice command “Have an orgasm”

22. Modesty:

Conservative: always wants to wear concealing clothing

Modest: wears concealing clothing, but removes for sex and bathing

Normal: wears weather-appropriate clothing, removes for sex and bathing

Slutty: wears booty shorts and cleavage-exposing tank tops with bare midriffs

Whore: always wants to wear seductive lingerie, even when in public

Exhibitionist: actively opposes wearing clothing for any situation, and will remove any clothing forced on her if left unattended

23. Loyalty preference:

True Frigidity: desires no partners, not even you

Sweetheart Somewhere Else: desires a (fictional) partner who isn’t you (the partner doesn't actually exist, don't worry - we just program her to think he does)

Yours Forever: desires you and only you, and expects your faithfulness

I Am Yours, but You Aren’t Mine: desires you and only you, but is fine if you fuck other women or sexbots

Pass Me Around: desires you, and desires to be shared with others chosen by you

MegaSlut (TM): desires any and all humans she meets who fit sexuality parameters

24. Sexuality:

Heterosexual

Bisexual

Note: Given our primarily male clientele, we are not offering lesbian models at this time, since several board members have a moral objection to participating in conversion fantasies of this specific type. Other mental transformations/trainings of our products are fair game.

25. Cum location preference:

Spit out

Swallow

Vaginal creampie

Anal creampie

Ass cheeks

Facial

Tits

Belly

Back

Keep it in a condom or tissue

26. Clitoral sensitivity (out of 10):

27. G-spot sensitivity, vaginal penetration (out of 10):

28. G-spot sensitivity, anal penetration (out of 10):

29. Optional add-ons:

Specify piercings (lower ear included free):

Specify tattoos below, including color:

Other special physical requests:

Other special brain chip requests:

30. Comments:

__________________________________________________

Here's what I'd order... What about you?

Skin tone: Lavish light

Natural hair color: Light brunette

Hair aspect/length: Wavy / Shoulder-length

Eye color: Green

Tits size: AA

Tits style: True natural

Nipples style: Puffy areola

Lactation: Off

Ass style: Natural

Anal tightness: Always excrucieatingly painful

Vaginal self-lubrication: Waterfall

Vaginal tightness: There's a hole there?

Labia style: Average

Pubic hair style: Hairless

Mouth/lips style: Average

Lipstick color: Invisible gloss

Simulated age: Barely legal

Self-awareness: She thinks she's human

Obedience level: Always eager and desperate to please

Libido: Irrepressibly horny 24/7

Orgasm style: Cannot ever orgasm naturally [can only be triggered on voice command "Have an orgasm]

Modesty: Conservative

Loyalty preference: MegaSlut (TM)

Sexuality: Bisexual

Cum location preference: Keep it in a condom or tissue

Clitoral sensitivity: 10/10

G-spot sensitivity, vaginal penetration: 10/10

G-spot sensitivity, anal penetration: 10/10

Optional add-ons:

Piercings: Two piercings in each earlobe; Nefertiti clitoral hood piercing

Tattoos: "Property of Daddy" asset management barcode at base of neck; "Fucktoy" in block letters on inside of lower lip; Queen of Spades symbol on right ankle

Other special physical requests: Petite body; tans to a deep copper tone easily with sun exposure; prominent one-piece tan lines (always visible, even if only faintly, regardless of sun exposure); light dusting of freckles on face; glasses (light prescription); cameltoe always visible under clothing; permanently disable Menstrual Cycle function; add "Squirt" function (activated when orgasm is commanded/achieved)

Other brain chip requests: This is where the fun starts. Despite her near nymphomania (see lines 20 and 23), this unit finds anything related to nudity, bodily fluids, or sexual thought or behavior deeply embarrassing and shameful. Because of this shame, she will attempt to act as if she's been programmed with "True Frigidity" and is heterosexual, though her repressed bisexuality and desire for sex always shows through. She regularly rubs her thighs together in attempt to achieve stimulation and will frequently will hump anything she can if she thinks others aren't looking. She's also embarrassed by how much she needs my approval and tries to present as begrudging and defiant, though again her approval-seeking personality always makes itself known in the end. Even if it's something she doesn't want to do, she will generally follow my commands, though sometimes it takes a spanking or two to achieve total compliance. With stimulation, she advances to the edge of orgasm quickly, but since she cannot orgasm naturally, she will stay on the precipice and become increasingly desperate for release. She can also be commanded to have multiple continuous orgasms, eventually becoming overstimulated and begging for them to stop. Once stimulation is removed, she quickly recovers and again becomes desperate for stimulation. She finds all of this shameful and humiliating, and the humiliation arouses her, leading to more shame and humiliation... an unending spiral. Also highly embarrassed by Omorashi play, which she doesn't understand as BDSM play, but instead just thinks I'm being mean by denying her the ability to empty her bladder without permission. Although she doesn't understand the concept of BDSM or DD/lg play, she will naturally regress to "little girl" behavior when in Little Space. Knows I'm not her father, and doesn't quite understand why she can't call me anything except "Daddy."