Welcome to Cultantum, Kingdom of the Unwanted

Anatomy, Physiology, and Reproduction

-SLAMS HANDS ON TABLE-

OKAY LETS TALK ABOUT ILLITHIDS

(D. Lukacs’s illustration from the Lords of Madness: Book of Aberrations)

This is a long one, so brace yourselves. (It’s actually so long I had to break it into three parts because I can’t get it all done in one sitting LOL WHOOPS. Stay tuned tomorrow for parts 2 and 3)

Because the Trove is still down several of the books that I only own physical copies of that are out of print like the AD&D Fiend Folio and 2nd Edition AD&D Monstrous Manual are going to be cited based on my memory of what they say. Moreso the latter because I read it a million times as a kid.

To Preface: I love illithids. They’re my favorite monsters. (I’m literally wearing a T-Shirt with an illthid on it right now. My LOCK SCREEN is an illithid. fuckin’ FITE ME) Their backstory is INCREDIBLY ridiculous and they are just, in general, very fun. I was first introduced to them in the Aforementioned 2e Monstrous Manual and fell in love instantly, long before I ever touched Lovecraft. I also ran a oneshot campaign called “Brain Food” I think that was about a restaurant that catered exclusively to these guys. I still have it at my parents’ house somewhere.

That being said, I have amassed… a lot of squid knowledge over the past 15 years or so. And while most of this stuff could easily be found on, say, the wiki or whatever, I figured I’d flex my hyperfixation muscle a little and write this.

 I’m also, for the sake of originality, going to include some lore from the comic I’m scripting, Pitiful Creatures, that I used to fill gaps and things done in partial collaboration with @manticorablogs​ back when we used to RP together. All that will be clearly marked though so you can accept the headcanon or skip it if you want to.

Many of the books I reference in this are old/Out of print so… yeah. Do with that what you will. But I’m gonna try and include images from them when I can.

LET’S DO THIS.

She’s a Darklord now too

Also they are 100% drawn to be placed at Condemned Darklord’s sides. 

For context the four ideas she takes as based on holy Christian artifacts (shroud of Jesus, the holy grail, etc.) And the bearded guy is supposed to be god. So if you really wanted to you could see her as Satan.

There are more cards in this series but they mostly depict the bearded guy and are mostly the "solemn" line.

While Cultantum has its surface dwelling friendly illithids, there are of course your traditional mindflayers as well. There are about nine other colonies in Burganworth and Themas' underdark. I'm not going to list them all but here are some fun facts:

Colonies on Andnya normally are named after their elder brain with the suffix of 'ahal added at the end. So if the elder is named Trozzilt his colony would be Trozzilt'ahal.

There is a colony called Halkadula'ahal but often is just called the Red Falls Colony. Red Falls is a location in the underdark with fresh water and iron rich soil which makes the area red. Red Falls illithids are even deadlier than their normal counterparts. They have retractable claw like barbs on their tentacles and sharp beaks around their mouths. They sometimes don't even need to stun their prey to kill them. They are constantly waring against a local drow city over their water supply. It is said if you see a white illithid with red markings you should run as quickly as possible before it can grab you, because even one alone can kill a party.

Therara'ahal is in the crystal yards, a massive field of glowing crystals that leads to a drop off called the Cliffs of Madness. The cliffs are called this because at the bottom of this is an enormous elder evil. This evil is unnamed and doesn't move. Its thousands of red eyes gaze upward unblinking. No one knows why it is there, or why it doesn't move. The Therara'ahal illithids have even sent thralls to collect samples from the elder evil. The Therara'ahal illithids live above it on homes dug into the cliffs because it radiants psionics energy they can harvest.

Uddex'ahal is actually underwater. The entire colony is beautiful with waterfalls and corals growing inside it. The Uddex'ahal illithids act as pirates and attack ships that get too close to their territory.

Rebelex'ahal is in the ice covered north of Burganworth. They are extremely beautiful illithids with skin that looks like stained glass. Some even have a rare mutation where they grow wings. The Rebelex'ahal illithids live in an old dwarf fortress they took over. They don't keep thralls due to lack of reliable food sources for them. Instead the Rebelex'ahal illithids raid the surface often and eat the brains of everyone they attack.

Zexal'ahal is a mostly Abysmal colony. The cruelest of any illithids on Andnya. They specialize in making intelligent devourers and even have made horse sized ones for labor. They have two ulitharids, the elder one, Dragovuva, is a tyrant who tortures not only those whom they capture but also other illithids when displeased. The younger, Yibin, is a quiet oracle who can forsee the future.

Gloin is the sexiest dwarf by dwarf standards.

Kili is the sexiest dwarf by elf standards.

Thorin is the sexiest dwarf by human standards