Does anyone else get those random rushes of motivation like, “I’m gonna be so fucking successful dammit, watch me”

best 20 minutes of the year

do i blame my zodiac sign or my childhood traumas or both

shout out to all the people still following me even though im a fucking idiot

i always imagined kiwi birds as the size of kiwi fruit and i was so wrong

wait how big are they then

that dog looks fucked I love him

im not crying there’s just overpriced college education in my eye

Why is this so funny to me? I think it’s the quick little jumpcuts, and then the reveal feels like a punchline to a joke.

Stark Tower has literally got the best wifi in the whole of New York and Tony makes it free as well so sometimes he’ll walk out of the ground floor and just see like a dozen or so people, usually kids, just sat on the doorstep on their phones or laptops and like it’s such a little thing to do but yknow. He’s Ironman. Give the kids some damn fast wifi.

also i got a tiny rubber baby for 95¢

I am dying omg

if u listen closely u can hear me not caring 

i laugh when im uncomfortable so please don’t get mad at me if i laugh in a serious situation

gwen stefani was right when she said this shit is bananas

When I was 16-19 I worked as a hostess/parking lot attendant at a funeral home and my boss told me (and I quote) “you get a friends and family discount but once you quit you won’t get it anymore so make sure you use it.” And to this day nothing has ever been funnier to me

A week after I got the job I accidentally spilled someone’s ashes on myself and my manager told me not to worry about it because they had spare ashes in the back room

man fuck math. if you know a number fuck you

There’s a number in your url