(link to ao3) valentine! she/he. 21. black. bi. jane of most trades, master of none. sci-fi nerd extraordinaire. mass effect + dragon age + swtor + rogue trader
hi! im valentine (21. she/he. in a nest of rakghouls).
artist and author + (officially!) has a degree in yapping your ear off.
my sideblog is under @coruscqte (marvel/fhr)
swtor oc masterpost / art tag
other ocs masterpost
event horizon episode list [last update: 7/12/2026]
i play swtor on star forge. say hi if you see me run by :)
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I love when The Character has a breakdown. Are they gonna go catatonic? Start crying hysterically and can't stop? Get so mad they could blow up a mountain? No matter what it's always fantastic.
sorry to everyone out there who thinks they have the funniest tshirt but i think i can confidently say i just saw the actual funniest tshirt just now. i passed by a beautiful black woman with long multicolor braids blowing majestically in the beach breeze & she was wearing an oversized tshirt that said in gigantic letters "WHITE BOY OF THE YEAR"
ough god well now i want to play cele through knights but the problem is i still havent decided how much the world changes around her because of it. i havent decided what au!baize siblings are like. ARGH.
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and our beloved jedi that i decided to also do an age progression of. id given a lot of thought as to what zanya looked like as a child (because his childhood coincided with osiris, kivo and kadasha's) but not so much his sister. given i think she's adorable until she starts experiencing the horrors, so this is still a win-win for everyone.
a few errant details below :)
ekta actually wasn't the one to bring cele to coruscant, another master was. in fact, she'd been off world at the time, and came back a few years later to a child that looked ... eerily like her. she was pretty content to think that this surely wasn't the child that she'd given up for adoption.
cele however is LOUD in the force as a child. and ekta recognizes her as much as cele is aware of her presence. like any daughter, she's drawn to her mother, even if she doesn't understand why. the jedi allowed her to keep the medallion she gave to the twins, and her suspicions are confirmed once she sees it. her daughter had made her way back to her.
this was also how ekta found out the ariideks were dead. she'd been keeping tabs on the them because she (selfishly) kept tabs on them at the orphanage and was told a few years prior that zanya had been adopted out. she was devastated for months to find out her other daughter was dead -- and that she hadn't known.
that colors her relationship with cele a great deal. she wants to be protective over her, wants to build that relationship, but every time she even considers it, that genuine fear of responsibility to someone else rears its ugly head and she banishes the thought from her mind. considering zanya was already gone, she felt guilty for failing at being a mother (twice), and buried that guilt in work.
the sacking left major scars on cele as the eldest of the creche children at the time. her being able to misdirect soldiers and sith alike at her age meant that she could get the other children away from the fighting and hide them from the worst of their captors. she was looked up to afterwards by rhys, sylas and yoshiko as their elder psuedo-sister.
however, and what haunts her the most, is losing adamori. one of the youngest at the time, and because she had been trying too hard to calm one of the other children, she'd never noticed that he was gone. had never seen him taken, at least. for decades afterwards, she was convinced he was dead -- and that she let it happen.
(well. thats a strong word. a sith lord lured him away, which wasn't on her but she considers it to be her fault.)
cele is never quite the same afterwards, even if she acts like she is. her acts of heroism put her on the radar of the jedi at the temple, and when they resettled the majority of them to tython, cele was fast tracked into proper combat training. because of this, she molded to the expectations of someone far older than fourteen quite quickly ... and struggled in the aftermath because she refused to ask for help.
she knows the younger kids needed her at the time, and thats how she excuses not taking care of herself or her mental state. what's more true is that she was just afraid to face whatever lurked inside of her. she didn't want to slip backwards into those hours and days of terror. she didn't want to relive it all. so instead she separates her understanding of herself from the child she'd been and pretends to be older and more mature than she is. she doesn't want to let anyone else down.
little bit of parentification going on, since a lot of the creche children were split up to be on different worlds. these four stuck together, and cele became a mentor to them -- someone they could go to when they were scared and the like. it helps ... and is very detrimental because it just acts as a stopgap to keep her from facing her own problems.
cele really just wants to be enough for ekta to eventually take her on as a padawan, but by then ekta hadn't taken one in years. but she was a prolific jedi knight, and cele wanted to measure up to her more than anything. ekta kept pushing her away and this just made her even more determined.
she and ekta just don't see eye to eye a lot. ekta is far more straightforward, while cele will do anything to save someone else or prevent a mission from garnering too many casualties. she's a bleeding heart in a galaxy that wants her dead, and ekta has been trying to curb this behavior for years indirectly.
shes VERY strongwilled by the time she becomes an adult, and this does make her difficult with the masters who want her to remember her place. thing is, she has the ability to back up a lot of her plans. she also is very capable at a very young age -- and struggles to connect with her peers. she presumes this is just the price of being a jedi.
(she knows exactly what's wrong with her. has been to jedi therapy. keeps not looking at the real issues and assumes more training will fix her)
(doubly, she will do ANYTHING to control herself. even if it means encountering blackouts and ignoring her body and mind until it shuts down. control will make her a better jedi. control will make her more perfect. control will fix her. everything. surely.)
sacrificial lamb alert. she was like this even before the class story started, and while it wasn't malicious, the jedi knew she could be leaned on. depended upon. they kept pushing her, she kept meeting the challenges, and they never let up on her because she just never broke.
so. repression central. cele never acknowledges the trauma of being there on coruscant during the sacking, never acknowledges the feeling of emptiness she keeps trying to fill with new achievements and experiences, and never acknowledges how many times she cracks down the middle and keeps repairing herself. she's scared and terrified, but puts on a brave face and takes charge so that shes never the one that falters.
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What helped me write trauma better is remembering that the nervous system learns predictions. If danger used to come after quiet, calm can feel threatening. If kindness used to come with a price, kindness can feel suspicious. So healing is not just “they know they’re safe now.” Healing is the slow, annoying, deeply unfair process of teaching the body that the old prediction is not always the present truth.
I am here to tell you (information that you might already know) that in SWTOR, you can date Revan’s descendant Theron.
And Darth Marr and Theron’s mom Satele totally don’t have anything going on.
knowing revan has descendants in swtor while not personally subscribing to swtor's canon about revan's gender makes the idea of them meeting rlly funny to me
"they're marrying the man for tax benefits" I'm sorry?? I want the tea on them hehe
Disclaimer: I do bake sexism and other difficult topics into my interpretation of the Empire because exploring the topic helps me process my own experiences.
Follow Up Note: This post takes place before Hex's transition and talks about Hex's experiences growing up as a woman. While I use They/Them for Hex in this post as those are their current preferred pronouns, during these events they would have been identifying as female and using She/Her.
If you're curious to read about Hex's transition, which happens after this, I recently made a post talking about it here.
Hex was never supposed to be a Sith Lord. They were raised to be married off for politics and continue on their pure sith bloodline. They were discouraged from pursuing any sort of career, as being a mother would "ruin" it anyways. (Think regency era, I was big on regency era stories when I was playing Hex lmao.) Hex hated this. They rejected all things feminine and intentionally sabotaged every single match their father tried to make for them. Eventually, they ran away and ended up in Lady's care. Lady recognized their potential and put them in the Academy, planning to make them her next apprentice. Instead, Darth Baras snatched Hex up before Lady could claim them.
Hex knows that it is only a matter of time before society's expectations catch up with them. If anything, becoming a powerful Sith Lord only makes the need for them to continue their bloodline - their legacy - even more important. There is nothing they want less but if they are going to be forced into joining society, they are going to do it on their terms.
Enter Malavai Quinn. He is perfect for Hex's needs. He's subordinate and obedient (to a fault), and best of all he has absolutely no direct ties to any sith bloodlines. Another pureblood would expect Hex to continue his bloodline, but Quinn isn't sith, he isn't even Force-sensitive. Hex has complete power over him and in marrying him, they finally have control over their own life. It becomes less relevant after Hex becomes Emperor's Wrath, but Hex still goes through with it to be safe.
Needless to say it works exactly as Hex wanted, and their family is incredibly displeased about the match. Hex having Quinn's kids would weaken their bloodline. By that point they can't say shit about it either because Hex is Emperor's Wrath. Hex takes his last name too, just to rub it in their faces. Hex intends to avoid having children as long as they possibly can and with Quinn's respect for their career, they expect they can pull it off.
What is this like from Quinn's side, you might ask? Well, I wouldn't say he's oblivious necessarily. Hex has always played with him like a cat playing with a mouse. He's well aware that their relationship exists more for Hex's amusement than out of any sort of romantic inclination on their part. That doesn't mean there's not affection between them, if you consider Hex picking on him affection, which he does. The sizzling attraction between them also helps. He finds it hard to think straight when Hex is around because they're so distracting.
Quinn is an officer and a cis man. Hex will always be above him in the Empire's hierarchy, regardless of their gender. It never occurs to him to think of Hex as anything other than an all-powerful Sith Lord. Then Hex takes Quinn to meet their family and he realizes that to Hex's family, Hex being a Sith Lord matters less than Hex being a woman.
That's a story I do want to write for them at some point, but that's when Quinn begins to understand exactly how difficult life has been for Hex as a woman and why they might want to marry a man they have power over. He never sees it as Hex marrying him for control. He sees it as Hex trusting their legacy and career to him. Every time he learns about the things they've overcome to become the person they are he admires them even more. He's proud to be their husband and is fully committed to helping them live the life they want.
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OK. SO. When Windows is being a pill about this, what you're gonna do is:
You're gonna open up Resource Monitor (resmon.exe) using the start menu or the terminal, or you're gonna go to Task Manager and click on the Performance tab, where there may be a button to go to resmon.
You're gonna go to the CPU tab. You're gonna expand the Associated Handles section, enter the name of the file/folder/whatever you want to delete and hit enter.
AND THEN. Windows will show you a list of everything that's using the file, and you can either kill those processes manually, or right-click the handles within resmon and kill 'em from there.
You're welcome.
Signed, one very tired computer ghostbuster who has seen this problem way too many times on her own dumb work machine.
(Original instructions and screenshots to be found at https://serverfault.com/questions/1966/how-do-you-find-what-process-is-holding-a-file-open-in-windows)
this question is admittedly selfish on my part because i love tv/movies and im nosy how other people concept their stories:
if your current swtor canon ended a season/movie/section/book/what have you on a devastating cliffhanger set with all the bells and whistles of a far-off release date for the next installment, what would it be? what characters are involved? what storyline does it wrap up (or start?) what's the draw of it/why does it hit so hard?
+ bonus: is there any music that goes with it?
This is such a fun question, thank you! I've got my newest legacy on the mind, so I think probably something from there.
This would occur after the story events of RotHC. The Republic has just publicized their assassination of the Sith Emperor. It focuses on some of the changes I've made to the legacy, including the addition of a Sith warrior.
The knight, Theo, had his background changed a bit; his family was no longer killed by rivals. He left Korriban because he was disillusioned with life among the Sith. There might be more, idk yet, but either way, his family is still alive and well, and they become angry and feel betrayed. They thought he died in the tombs, then suddenly his face is plastered across Republic propaganda posters. His cousin, Lido, used to be his best friend, and she takes this most personally. She becomes the Sith warrior, and after their initial confrontation, she declares him dead to the family and dead to her. Her issue with him isn't that he wanted change--she's a LS Sith and reformist--but that he left and abandoned the family to do it. She prizes family (originally exclusively blood family, but this changes) and loyalty above all else (heh, she's in for a fun time in her story); in her eyes, Theo committed the most egregious betrayal possible. This occurs before she ever becomes the Wrath (I'm thinking very early, like they run into each other on Tatooine, maybe), so she puts him out of her mind for the rest of her story, and he tries to ignore the creeping guilt for the rest of his. I don't think Lido informs the family before his face appears on propaganda; it's not that she isn't planning to, but she didn't anticipate him being a prominent war hero so quickly, and she thought she had time to find a way to tell the rest of the family. Just fun things for my OCs to contend with~
Anyways, that's just context for the cliff hanger, which is Lido finding out that Theo attacked and killed the Emperor, who she thinks is going to reshape the Empire with her now that she's freed him from the Voice's trapped body. The Hand says he's not really dead, but she doesn't know what to believe. She's angry that the Hand never bothered to tell her he was even attacked until it was too public to avoid (isn't she the Wrath? Isn't she supposed to answer insults like this? Why was she not informed? (I actually can't remember if you get mail from the Hand regarding the knight's assault on Dromund Kaas and the Emperor, but in this, I'm thinking she doesn't regardless of what the game says lol), and she feels unsteady as her previous beliefs about Vitiate are challenged (i.e., that he's better for the Empire than the Dark Council, as he forced the Dark Council to sign the Treaty of Coruscant, so he must care for the welfare of his citizens more than they do, and he promised her a better galaxy on Voss) because he's made no changes and not even bothered to speak with her, and apparently now he won't even bother to let her know if he's alive. In addition, her position, which she previously felt was closer to power and autonomy than she'd ever had before, is looking more and more like her life under Baras--a longer leash, but a leash all the same. All of this is projected onto Theo, who she has an easier time being angry with.
This culminates in her hunting Theo down. It's no longer enough for him to be dead to her--he needs to actually die. She's not fully thinking clearly, and she's certainly not leaving room for her actual feelings on the thought of her cousin and old friend really dead. She refuses to remember how it felt to hear he'd been lost and presumed dead in the tombs of Korriban--the guilt (she was also on Korriban and never felt his death), the grief, the anger at a system that so callously threw away her loved one. She needs an outlet for her anger, and her life has been hunting one enemy after another for years now. Instinct takes over.
If this were a season, it would culminate in her finding him on Makeb (doing one last search for civilians to get them onto the ark) and attacking him. Their fight would last long enough for a groundquake to occur, and a cavern would collapse on top of them. As the cavern falls around them, Lido keeps trying to return to their fight, but she's uncharacteristically struggling, her vision switching between the current collapsing cavern and the cavern on Quesh falling around her. Theo is trying to stop the fight; even though he had no trouble defending himself up til now (he also has his own anger with her, especially her willingness to serve Vitiate and her unwillingness to see who Vitiate actually is), he stops, more concerned with what's happening with her than even the cavern still falling around them. The end would be a dark screen and Lido's still-panicked breathing.
It's fun for me to imagine because it's a parallel image of Lido's life figuratively collapsing around her, and her panic and association of it with the moment her life intertwined with Vitiate in the first place feels poetic to me. That she's also lashing out at one of the only people actually interested in what she's feeling and who sees her as fully a person, not a tool to be used, also hits hard for me. It's also a bit of a reversal of their class stories: Lido's journey in her class story has her deluding herself into believing she's in control, that she's truly gaining freedom through her pursuit of power, and Theo's journey through his class story is the opposite. He kills the Emperor, he's supposedly turned the page on a new galactic era and should feel like nothing and no one can stop him, but he feels more out of control than ever. She's building herself up, and he's crashing out. Then, Lido's life starts to fall apart (or, well, she can no longer ignore that it's falling apart and it's never been quite the way she wants to believe it is) while she's trying to hold onto her victory (becoming the Wrath and surpassing Baras), and Theo starts to return to himself a bit while helping Makeb's citizens escape certain destruction (yes, there's still killing, but this is about protecting life, and he's realizing he wants to be a Jedi, not the Sith he's been acting like, and uphold the principles he's cast aside in favor of taking on the role he thought the Republic needed from him. It's the first thing that feels right to him in a long time).
I'm still thinking about what the rest of the legacy is doing while Lido and Theo are having their disastrous family reunion, but this is already long and this is the main cliffhanger anyways, so I'll leave it at that for now :D
Now as for music, I think I associate the song Arise ~ E.S. Posthumus with the fight, probably with the cavern collapsing ~1:30 in. Not sure if it's a "this would be playing during the fight" or if it's just what I would play while writing it, but I think it fits the intensity of the moment.