Crozwik The Orc

my favorite American holiday is the one where we have a gopher predict the weather 

What did he say?

“Trans Rights”

and every time we kiss i swear i could fly

why is chess the Big Boy Smart Brain game?? there’s been no advances in strategy for 70 years. you can sit down and teach yourself the five winning moves in like a day. show me a computer that can flawlessly win any game of MTG and then ill be impressed.

Its embarrassing to have my mask off now. Thats too intimate. My coworkers don't know me like that

Shane: This is from peggingmothman - [wheezes] Ryan: [wheezes] Shane: - obviously, on Tumblr. Okay, that scans. [laughs] “When I was younger and not the seasoned bitch I am now - ” What are we in for, here?! [wheezes] Seasoned bitch! I’m just gonna - I want that on my lower third, on every piece of media I’m in, from now on. Seasoned bitch! Where are we goin’ from here?! Ryan: [laughing so hard he’s crying] I don’t know, I got lost at peggingmothman. Shane: peggingmothman, very funny to begin with! Ryan: “This comes from peggingmothman.” Wait, sorry, could you read the first sentence again? I didn’t hear any of it, ‘cause I was too busy - Shane: You didn’t hear the first sentence? Ryan: No, I got - oh, I’m sorry, I got fucking lost at ‘peggingmothman’! Shane: “When I was younger and not the seasoned bitch I am now.” Ryan: Yeah, yeah, okay. Shane: You don’t appreciate that? Ryan: I’m sorry, I’m still thinking of peggingmothman. Shane: Okay. Oh, boy! “I was held hostage at the end of a date.”

This show hurts my brain

Can’t blame you, it’s like a shakespearian comedy about nothing, sped up, with the Middle English replaced by equally obfuscatory Albertan slang.

Excuse you that ain’t Albertan that’s the wrong coast. It’s Ontario slang.

DO YOU WANNA GET STRIKED

…coast?

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this post makes me want to gouge my eyes out

im laughins so hard who changed it

there he is

Your gf is beautiful